I'll Be Watching The Sunset

Hanging here on a lonely string

I can't think of any time worth remembering

The rope gets tighter with every breath

But I have no fear, I'm ready for death

White birds flutter around my ear

Singing lullabies only I can hear

I look at them with a sorrowful smile

My departure will be ready in a little while

This place only brought torture to me

From your selfish lies, I long to be free

I'm ready for an angel's wings

I'm going quietly, I'm surrendering

But I'm not sure yet where I will go

To a place filled with truth, I surely hope

If it's another place with many bloody scars

That would just crumble my pieced together heart

And suddenly now I can feel it, I'm losing all control

Finally the pressure eases off my restless soul

And when you find me, promise you won't get upset

I'll just be hanging here watching the orange sunset

Keyword: suicide death noose sunset

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Comments (12)

Posted by lemon 2008-06-30 20:34:14 .... wow.. this sounds like a suicide note eh? As always, your work conveys deep emotion, and thats what makes a poem great. keep posting and looking for the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. =] + Report this comment
Posted by Pilgrim 2008-06-30 20:51:35 .... Good. I like poems that I can relate to, having once been suicidal. I remember putting a hose in the tailpipe of my car, and putting the hose through the back window I began breathing in the fumes of the carbon monoxide. I even went as far as putting the hose in my mouth, wanting to speed up the process. However, after over an hour, nothing happened except a horrible taste was left in my mouth. (Was it God?) But, that's another story. + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-07-01 05:12:19 .... The sense of desperation weaves all the way through this little tale. It's poignant, and maybe I'm finally getting into some of the poetry on this site. Hope the sentiments aren't catching though......... Phil + Report this comment
Posted by Siranoush 2008-07-01 06:52:22 wow amazing words to describe the final moments of helpless soul + Report this comment
Posted by Kasi 2008-07-01 14:34:36 .... This poem had an entertaining rhythm, I like how you put it together. This showed deep emotion for the uncertainty of life, your rhyming was pretty good too. Good Job! Cant wait to read more from you. + Report this comment
Posted by Sad Sara 2008-07-01 15:00:59 Sorrowful One What yer got go on here today huh? Is this some sort of jaundiced view of a Poetic sunset hanging high or feelin' in the sky? Very cool verse, I like. Keep well, 'Anna + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-07-01 19:57:25 .... Your comments are much appreciated. + Report this comment
Posted by bubbly 2008-07-02 18:33:53 dark thoughts hi! r. this reads like a dark poem. and rhyming adds to the otherwise sad ending. overall, the impact of a departing soul is tremendous. keep it up. lol. ;-) + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-07-03 16:56:08 .... It does seem sort of like a suicide note but nonetheless i enjoyed it greatly. Death and Breath seem like the most sorrowful rhymes, huh? They do to me at least. I like the last two lines the best. Great title by the way. + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-07-04 01:26:58 .... There is something that I can't stand as a poet. When people start off rhyming and then suddenly stop. It is like when you have a cold glass of soda and as you start drinking it, you find it empty. + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-07-04 01:53:56 .... okay, well where in my poem do i stop rhyming???? and you want to know what i can't fucking stand..... people on this site with more than one profile commenting their own pieces. that's what i can't stand. + Report this comment
Posted by Michelle Portz 2008-07-06 22:02:04 .... i just want to say that this poem left me completely breathless. i think it is the most beautiful way of conveying pain and desperation i have read. i think there is a fine line between being overbearing on a subject like this and being peacefully honest and this is definitely the latter. nice work. + Report this comment

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