Hello all. Anna Devine (Sad Sara) and I have been playing around with a joint poem, 2 stanzas each. Hope you enjoy!

Along the tired avenue
An immensely thin sense of scents from incense
Which trees on the breeze have pleased
Me to dispense
Distracts me as I wander
 
As the sleepy street awakens
With a song to beat along
This enthuses the chanteuses
Musing music with their Muses
 
Now
On this day and in this hour
On my way to chores and dreary yearnings of much more,
I can say and not feel sour
That peace is in my heart amongst the moments just before
I get to where I'm going
 
Regret that I'm not staying and
Knowing where I'm going
Goes to show I'm ever knowing
How impressions passing past
Passes passion made to last

Keyword: Tired Avenue Dirkin/Anna Devine

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Comments (20)

Posted by Sad Sara 2008-06-30 03:08:49 Ahem... Oh my, what you got go on here? Hehe Yeah, I pretty pleased how Poem work out, that was fun to write with yer, thanks fer appeasing me. Keep well, 'Anna + Report this comment
Posted by June Eclipsis 2008-06-30 06:21:48 ... Brilliant! Excellent ideas. Your styles were quite apparant in each stanza, but they all worked quite well together. + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-06-30 13:03:22 .... Yeah you could definitely see two distinct styles, but all in all I think it worked. Nice job =] + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-06-30 14:32:33 .... i thought it was pretty cool how you two came up with this. i liked the flow and the choice of words.....but for some reason i just didn't enjoy it all that much. i guess it's just me. + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-06-30 19:10:09 .... Wow I never thought of doing that before! But for this poem I think your two writing styles made the poem complicated. For sad sara uses words that are not really spoken or to say better, not really used to often but at the same time the poem works. (With a Dictionary in hand HA HA HA.)And Dirkin poems go more on a rhyming. So when you came together it was to say the least "different". But it was a good poem and I really liked the last part it seem you two found a common place to work from. + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-06-30 21:15:21 By The Power Of Grey Skull! Heheh, cool poem you guys put together, thats for sure. I liked both of your styles blended together. you guys should do another one of these! + Report this comment
Posted by onyxdragon 2008-07-01 15:50:47 Splendid It was a splendid read. I liked the flow. There may have been changes in the flow of the poem due to styles (as others have noted), but it didn't bother me no none (double negative heaven). Bet it was a blast working on, maybe put another together, aces. Here's me tipping my hat, bravo. + Report this comment
Posted by Hodders 2008-07-02 02:57:49 .... I loved it, it was a great read and flowed extremely well. I think the first two stanzas were my favourite although I really liked the very last line 'Passes passion made to last'. I think it was a great idea to have two people create a poem, the two writing styles make it a much more interesting read. Great job! + Report this comment
Posted by Pilgrim 2008-07-02 16:23:30 .... This is actually a challenging way to write a poem; having two minds write together can seem like two people driving a car. But you did well. + Report this comment
Posted by bubbly 2008-07-02 19:04:20 captivating! hi! darkin. well, this poem is charming as well as captivating. a collaborative effort tickles my heart. three cheers to both of u. lol. ;-) + Report this comment
Posted by fevilleg 2008-07-03 14:48:45 interesting wow this poem was amazing. i'm not necessarily a fan of poetry but this flowed beautifully and continued making sense at that. excellent job. + Report this comment
Posted by r.e.potter 2008-07-03 21:16:08 .... well I enjoy both your works. I thought I would be able to know who wrote what,,but im not sure. My quess would be Anna wrote the first two and Dirken the last two. Maybe its told in the comments,,ill go check it out. You both did amazing jobs however confusing the hell out of me...lol + Report this comment
Posted by elenalda 2008-07-03 22:38:43 .... You've got a knack for rhyme. But I feel like the poem's essential purpose is missing. What is it about? Why do we care? It's important not to let wordplay overshadow content--without a true emotion or story that a reader could grab onto, this poem is fluffy and easily forgotten. + Report this comment
Posted by Dirkin 2008-07-03 23:17:43 .... I see the poem being as about enjoying the moment to forget your troubles, elnalda. Mr Potter, I wrote the first and third stanzas! + Report this comment
Posted by Xena 2008-07-04 12:46:12 hmm maybe could of used some dragons or villains doing something bad... and have them go on some sort of excursion to find diamonds or a secret key... oh or you guys could be buddy cops you know sarah could be the wacky one and dirkin could be the jerk.. do it + Report this comment
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