Posted by Pilgrim
2008-06-29 10:28:01
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This is a good poem, depicting the tragedy of once innocence turning into the disease of depravity that surrounds it. The last verse, to me, would sound better if the wings were "buried" in the sand instead of stuck.
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Posted by philneale1952
2008-06-29 11:50:02
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Couldn't agreed more, the word change would make all the difference.
Good piece though.
Phil
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-06-29 12:17:23
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yea i see what you mean. it sounds better when you say it out loud with the word, buried.
but i'll just leave it like it is. i appreciate the suggestion though.
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Posted by lemon
2008-06-29 13:13:03
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Ok, so I get from the other comments that theres been some changes made here, but I like it the way it is now. It tells a good story and I know there are many of us who feel the same way. nice job =]
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Posted by r.e.potter
2008-06-29 17:32:01
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I think I understood this, it could have a different meaning for all who read it. To me it was about an Angel who is watching over us, but the ugliness of man has wieghed her down. Liked it regardless of your intentions
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Posted by bubbly
2008-07-02 18:41:40
wow!
hi! r.
u've a way with words that go straight to heart. an angelic being brought to earth! i wish, the weight was taken off and the angel could go back to its heavenly abode.
liked it immensely. lol. ;-)
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Posted by Sad Sara
2008-07-08 19:14:38
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Cody, who are these wretched people doing these mean and ugly things to yer?
Rhyme the bastards till they weep!
Err...
Not sure what happened there, been around me dad and sort of pissed off and hostile. lol
Sorry
Ahem, back to sad Poem...
I not like thought of yer wing stuck in sand.
Is it quick sand or slow sand?
Regardless, I like yer verse.
Keep well,
'Anna
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