This is Baxter Cohen interviewing Something Indecent creator Jason Haugh from his hospital bed after just waking up from a two month coma and suffering from amnesia. Normally a doctor would be the first person to speak with Mr. Haugh but thanks to an exclusive and barely legal contract signed two months ago that standard practice has been waved. So how about we dive in now huh? What do you say Jason?

Uuuuhhhh yeah ok why not.

First off, can you tell me your name?

Well you already said that I'm Jason Haugh ssoooooo.....

And yes you are good for you. So tell me Jason how did you happen to injure yourself?

I don't remember.

You don't remember anything?

..........................no. I have amnesia.

Well that's unfortunate. Maybe I'll tell you about it later.

Wait you know what happened to me?

So Mr. Haugh have you read any of your work since waking up?

I just woke up about five minutes before you came in. Wait, how'd you get in here so fast?

So you have absolutely no idea what you've committed your life to for the past year?

I mean I woke up and then almost instantly you came in here. How did you do that? It's kind of unnerving.

Please Jason stay on topic. Now I'm going to hand you one of your magazines and I want you to read it and tell me what you think.

I wrote a magazine?

Just read it ok I'm going to sit here and watch your reactions.

Well ok..........I guess........I'm a little confused here.

All amnesiacs are now just read this story you wrote about your testicles.

I wrote a story about my balls!? Alright give me that thing....

*time passes*

Well I see you've finished reading. Can I get your thoughts about your own story?

Did I really have surgery on my balls? Jesus Christ that's ****** up.......and I wrote about it for people to read! What kind of sick person am I?

Oh you're very sick. That's why you're in a hospital.

I thought I hit my head..... Seriously what happened to me?

I'll tell you about that in a second now what I want you to do is/

No tell me about it now! I want to talk to the doctor. NURSE! NURSE COULD YOU GET IN HERE PLEA/ hey what the **** is that man?

I think you can remember what a hammer looks like. Now you just sit there quietly and answer my questions or I swear to God you're legs are gonna feel like a ******* waterbed.

Alright ok just settle down. Put that thing away and I'll cooperate.

No I don't think I will. This will be your little focus tool. Now I want you to focus Jason......

............this can't be legal.

Normally its not but you did sign a contract.

Yeah about that I'd kinda like to see that thi/ Oh God no! Put it down I don't wanna see the contract! Please I still haven't even taken my first steps as a new born yet!

*deep breath* Answer me this Mr. Haugh/

Yeah sure I'll answer anything.

............don't interrupt again.

No no of course not please go on.

Would you consider yourself a decadent depraved human being?

Well I don't know anything about myself but I like to think that I'm a normal hardworking guy just trying to find love in a hospital bed while not being paralyzed by a reporter brandishing a claw hammer.

Ha ha that was funny. Would you consider yourself a genius?

I think everyone would like to think of themselves as a genius but no I don't. Right now I think I'm just a terrified little boy who doesn't know what's going on.

Oh so funny you know I really enjoy your work.

Do you now? That's great. Really. I'm very flattered.......

Now do you want to know how you ended up here?

Oh God yes please tell me.

Well it was a little over two months ago that you had planned on conducting this interview. But just doing the standard questioning was too boring for you. You wanted to put a spin on the whole thing so you set up this contract with your lawyer and your doctor, who completely disapproved by the way, and contacted yours truly.

I don't like where this is going.

..............................................................don't interrupt.

Sorry sorry my sincerest apologies really. Please continue.

You contacted me with a request and a very large portion of money. To make a long story short you paid me to hit you in the head with this hammer here so you would have no idea what was going on in the interview. How do you feel about that one Jason?

ARE YOU ******* SERIOUS!? I could've died! I could've been paralyzed! I could've had brain damage for Christ's sakes!

You were willing to risk that. You're a very odd person Mr. Haugh.

ODD!? I'm ******* stupid is what I am! I write trash stories about my balls and pay some ******* to hit me in the head with a hammer! What if I didn't have amnesia did I ever think of that!?

That's why I brought the hammer with me.

.....................................

Well you seem to be in shock so I'll just take my leave and send your doctor in.

*gets up to leave then turns around*
I've already talked to him and he said that everything's going to be ok. You should be out of here in about two weeks. *pause* That is until we fulfill that other contract you made up. Hahahaha...........................good thing you have that catheter hooked up or you'd be soaking wet. See ya in the shadows Jason! Hahahahahahahahaha!!

I want my coma back.

Keyword: interview hospital

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Comments (8)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-06-28 20:57:36 .... hahahah funny story made me spit out the pop in my mouth, im serious. hmm...i seem to have read a story about your balls recently... is your magazine just local? the ending dialogue was the best! + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-06-28 21:03:36 .... I can totally see you doing something like this from what I know of you lol. funny stuff.. yeah and about that story about your balls... *shivvers** oooowwwwiieeeee! + Report this comment
Posted by ams 2008-06-28 21:31:41 .... hahah so funny. loved it, it was such a creative idea to have an interview with yourself. ya i've read the story about your ballls already too... + Report this comment
Posted by D.A. Ross 2008-06-28 21:53:29 Ty Had me laughing from the start. Good job + Report this comment
Posted by Pilgrim 2008-06-28 22:06:23 .... This story brought me back to some memories of Stephen King's "Misery". Your story, however, was very comical and somewhat masochistic. + Report this comment
Posted by Dirkin 2008-06-29 02:37:13 .... That was very creative! Funny concept with a creepy twist. Well done man + Report this comment
Posted by bubbly 2008-07-02 18:45:57 wow! hi! jason. that's my idea of a laugh. long live jason. lol. ;-) + Report this comment
Posted by Pookerdoo 2008-07-10 22:57:31 .... Man you are kind of twisted arn't you? This was really diferent. Very funny, I liked it alot. I guess I'll have to check out this story about your balls. Have you checked out my true story of my vasectomy? Keep up the good work. + Report this comment

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