Torn and broken

Sad and lonely

And your tears are heavy

You've got load to carry

You've got burden on your back

And your strength lacks

You wonder if you'll ever fit in

Your so scared of what lies a head

So you make a conclusion

Slits of pain

Slits of sorrow

And you wonder if you'll ever see tomorrow

Slits of anger

Slits of rage

If you only turn the page

Your perfectly designed in your own way

From when you were born till forever and always

So no more slits of any kind

Because you are perfectly designed

By God the Almighty

Who is always by your side

Shedding blood is not the answer

Believe in Him who can take away the pain

He can lift your burden

And take away the slits

Keyword: Slits

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Comments (8)

Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-06-27 11:00:08 .... eh this wasn't bad but it wasn't too great either. + Report this comment
Posted by rtvols344 2008-06-27 11:28:58 .... I was having a hard time putting the words together... but thanks for your comment! =D + Report this comment
Posted by June Eclipsis 2008-06-27 12:26:51 ... I gave you a five because it was "technically" written well. Now, on the other hand, my comments aren't going to reflect the rating. The message of the poem was good, but many times poetry is a method by which one can look at something in a different angle than the usual. That's what makes a wonderful poem. To me, this poem kind of lacked originality. Sure, we can relate to it, but it sounds like you were over-stating a very simple concept in a somewhat straightforward, dry way. Suggestion: try including some imagery and more descriptions. + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-06-27 14:16:22 .... I think if you did not have slits in there but exchanged it for a different word this would of came out a bit better but it was interesting to say the least. And most people say that poems have to rhyme when truthfully they don't so good job. + Report this comment
Posted by Pilgrim 2008-06-27 19:12:21 .... this poem seems to reflect a "cutter". I've known people close to me that used to do this to relieve the pain that they had inside. This poem, though dark in many areas, can reveal a light at the end of a tunnel. Pretty good. + Report this comment
Posted by ThatPsycoArtistFletcher10 2008-06-27 19:38:19 .... Honsestly I dont understand why people do the "cutting" thing i dont get how it releves pain, or how the pain or person in your life is making you do it... But i thought this peom was very good. But like stated by June Eclipsis it is a little dry. + Report this comment
Posted by rtvols344 2008-06-28 12:29:51 .... Ok thanks! And I think the whole "cutting" thing has to do with trying to forget the emotional things that's going on and cut yourself to focus on the blood and psyical pain from the emtional feelings and thoughts! That was a mouth full!!! =D + Report this comment
Posted by chaabuk 2008-07-23 19:56:59 .... This is refreshing - the concept of slits. The fact that you provide hope to a hopeless person is encouraging. For even a word of sympathy is enough to pull out someone from their misery. This is good. + Report this comment

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