Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-06-26 23:15:04
....
your rhymes always seem to be improving. i liked this one. you kept the point of this strong throughout. although one thing that really bothered was the mispelling of the word tongue. usually i'm not one to fuss about spelling errors but i just stumbled when i came across that one.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Amatayo
2008-06-27 00:31:16
Thanks
Thanks for the spelling because I was trying to figure it out but when ever I spelled it, it did not look right. But since you spelled it the way I did the first time I know it was right.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by The Dark Advenger
2008-06-27 00:41:16
mmmm
This one was really nice I rather enjoyed it. And it is not to often where the poet would change the flow during the middle.
But during the poem when he says that his body starts to shake it seems like you could of done better and made it rhyme. Because I have seen your other ones and it seems you should work on that for thats the only problem I see.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Amatayo
2008-06-27 00:58:08
What
What the hell are you talking about writer extrodinaire??? I don't know you. The only reason you know about the messages is because you said you where going to report zombie punk so I told you he sent me those. But I mean if you want me to teach how to write better I would help, but don't try and soil my rep with lies.
+ Report this comment | |
Posted by Dirkin
2008-06-27 01:06:31
....
Judging from the two spelling errors in advenger and extrodinaire, my theory is that they are the same author. Anyways, I liked this poem but I didnt think it was great, just amusing. Try measuring out how many syllables are in each line so it flows better, eg ten syllables per line.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Amatayo
2008-06-27 01:06:37
....
Man your a freak you need to get a life and I don't know do something because I have no idea where you are getting this.
+ Report this comment | |
Posted by Amatayo
2008-06-27 01:12:34
....
Yeah I'm done talking to you if you really want to claim to know me its what ever.
+ Report this comment | |
Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-06-27 07:21:20
....
I dont really give a shit what you're psycho split [personality says. you could be all of the above comments, dirkin, amatayo, slavetolove, writer extrodinaire, whatever. if it makes you smile and feel like you have power in this world even though you are hiding behind a keyboard than so be it. be as many assholes as you want. just leave me out of it i'm done with your guy's shit.
now, for the poem.
I dont which way you'll take this but when i say it i mean it as a compliment. this poem sounds just like Dont Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult. It sounded the same, it just had different words. Well written, great use of rhymes, all in all one of your best poems.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Dirkin
2008-06-27 08:05:38
....
He's definitely not me. I can spell
+ Report this comment | |
Posted by Amatayo
2008-06-27 09:20:06
....
He's not me I can write.
+ Report this comment | |
Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-06-27 10:02:08
....
dude, shut the fuck up already. you're useless.
+ Report this comment | |
Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-06-27 10:07:22
....
who?
+ Report this comment | |
Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-06-27 10:57:24
....
i said shut the fuck up to writer extroadinaire because he keeps running his mouth.
+ Report this comment | |
Posted by flossy
2008-06-27 11:15:17
....
I will give 5 for the comments.Shagging funny.
+ Report this comment |  |
Posted by Pilgrim
2008-06-27 19:01:57
....
suddenly my body trimmers and I grow weak like the morning sun:
Should it not be I grow weaker like the evening sun? The morning sun is growing in strength is it begins to create the day, but weaker as it is overcome be the darkness of night. However, the does portay the duality of man. Sad to say, many of us haven't yet come to the finality of ourselves; we are still two people sharing one home.
+ Report this comment |  |
via Email