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Something CatThis story may contain adult content. |
| Written by Jason Haugh | |
| Wednesday, 25 June 2008 | |
Something Cat Cats. They were everywhere. The sink, shower, toilet and cupboards. The bed, cushions of the couch, even the ******* microwave and oven were infested with them. The temptation to activate the latter two was overwhelming. How did I even end up waiting for Jeff inside his apartment anyway? I remembered receiving a call thirty minutes ago asking me to come over so we could go and dominate at laser tag. I had agreed under the presumption that I would not have to set a single foot inside is feline infested Hell box. When I had arrived there was a note taped to the door.
Owen, Had to fill up Mother's prescription. Be back in twenty. Wait inside and help yourself to a beer. Don't let my cats out. -Jeff
That ************. He knew that I hated cats. But it was too cold out to wait in my car and it was certainly awkward to be standing outside an apartment door like some kind of stalker or degenerate salesman. Besides, the temptation of free beer had already unleashed the addicted thirst that resides in every self respecting alcoholic. Opening the door I quickly slid into the darkness slamming it behind me making sure to be weary of any furry shadow that would try to slither out into the free world. Flicking on the lights I was overwhelmed with the mass of bodies that loomed above and around me, sitting, staring with their brooding eyes. Cats. They were everywhere. Tearing my eyes away from their frightening unified gaze I carefully walked over to the fridge to grab a bottle of relaxing suds. While opening the door the peeling sound of the rubber sealant ripping away from the linoleum attracted the unwanted attention of the large group of cats sending the whole platoon in my direction. There they sat, not two feet away, staring at me. There had to be at least twenty five of them collected into a lethal barricade of pointed fangs and razor sharp tongues. "What in the hell was wrong with Jeff anyway?" I thought standing completely still with the refrigerator door left hanging open. "These bastards had to be costing him a fortune. Did he have intimacy issues that could only be resolved with a cat fetish?" The demonic, unblinking eyes, answered none of these questions. Reaching my hand inside the cool box to grab a beer my actions were halted when a lone cat released a sound that in no way resembled a friendly meow. It was like a chilling warning that shook my body with fear. Was it just paranoia or were these things actually planning on ripping me to shreds and using my ribcage as some obscene chew toy? Still staring the rogue cat in the eyes I sank my hand deeper into the refrigerator. Standing up the group representative hissed raising its neck hair in an obvious display of aggression. The others followed suit until the leader abruptly stopped and sat back down. Once again the group followed with unquestionable loyalty leaving me with half an appendage frozen inside the refrigerator, standing in an eerie silence, and on the verge of staining my pants along with my dignity. House cats had frightened me to the brink of wetting myself. How was I ever going to live this down? Then the follow up question arose. WAS I going to even live? Had Jeff actually set me up to die in his apartment? Given if that was the case then it would be a pretty sloppy murder with too many connections leading to him. But maybe he had thought about this already. Maybe the man who may or may not be named Jeff had trained these domesticated rodent killers to kill a much larger target. Perhaps he had trained them to attack and eradicate my specific scent. As I thought about these things the leader, who I mentally named Pudge, stood up once again staring at me with those deep marble-like eyes that contained some kind of sinister intelligence. Slowly, very slowly, I retracted my arm and carefully closed the door. Now, standing in a silence that was laced with danger, I continued my staring contest with Pudge. After about three minutes of this with no reaction what so ever I took a gentle step in the direction of the exit. The cats all hissed in unison angered at my defiance for attempting to move. Putting my foot back in place we stared at each other for another three minutes. That is save for one cat who took a time out to inappropriately lick itself. Finally after my nerves and patience were drained I threw my hands out yelling at Pudge, "What do you want from me!?" My voice shocked me as it seemed to break some kind of repressive barrier that the cats had placed on me. I felt free. I felt like I could do anything. These were just cats after all. Ignoring the harsh stare Pudge was giving me I took two bold steps towards the door when the cats leapt into action. Claws slashed at my legs shredding my pants below the knees and staining Jeff's carpet with patches of my blood. Others took the direction of jumping onto my shirt digging their nails into my skin before sliding down my body making bloody pairs of parallel lines. Not one to be docile when covered with savage cats I reacted completely on instinct grabbing their necks and pitching them against the wall over and over again. Lost in the heat of panic and rage I continued ridding myself of my attackers taking pleasure at the thuds they made when connecting with the wall. The problem was that not all of them were staying down. Some actually had the nerve to get back up. What was wrong with these things? Where was their sense of self preservation? Mine was in full bloom currently hurtling another person's pet against the wall. Feeling like this could last forever I sprang for the door tossing it open and dashed out of the apartment complex sprinting towards the parking lot. I could hear their nails clicking against the pavement and the angry whines emitting from their blood ladened throats. This only succeeded in increasing my speed as I spotted my car and dug into my pockets to retrieve my keys. True horror swept over me as my hand passed through the lining of my pocket and connected with my thigh. The cats had thoroughly shredded my pants leaving the only logical place for my keys to be back up on the second floor in the litter box of Hell. Too shocked at the notion of having to go back up into Jeff's deathtrap I momentarily let my guard down stopping in mid-step in order to collect myself. That's when they pounced; landing on my back, head, and chest. They attacked in a blitzkrieg frenzy gashing my body open and biting into my flesh. I howled out in pain darting around the parking lot temporarily experiencing hysteria. I couldn't remove all of the hairy Nazis that dug their rough tongues into my gushing wounds. Coming upon a frightened couple who were frozen in fear I pleaded for them to help me but only succeeded in frightening them more until they ran for their own safety. "Help me!" I screamed spinning around lashing my hands through the air. "They're eating me alive!" Running after them I once again entered Jeff's apartment complex hearing a door slam and a lock clicking beneath my own screams. Sprinting back up the stairs I reentered Jeff's apartment desperately scanning the floor for my keys. The door behind me was suddenly closed sealing me once again in a cage where I was at their mercy.
With fifteen bodies attached to me, hacking chunks of skin off, I was left with no other option but to fight back. Thrusting my hands out blindly I grabbed at two random bodies and tore them away screaming as their claws clamped down into my flesh until being ripped clean. Opening the freezer door I chucked the pair in and slammed it shut. Next I opened up the oven and ripped two more off spraying my blood onto the counter. Quickly repeating the process I sent two more in and tossed the door closed. Turning the knob to 500 degrees I stepped over to the microwave hitting the open button with excessive force. Squeezing on to two more necks I propelled their evil little bodies inside sealing it and setting the timer to forty minutes. Afterwards I fumbled for the knife collection that was in arms reach. Grabbing a knife in each hand I slid each one into a cat going a little too far with my left sending the tip into my right bicep. Ripping the two off of me I stuck each knife into the wall leaving the cats to writhe on their blades. I continued in this fashion until all the cats were removed and only a single knife remained. Slowly looking around the room the only cats I saw were either lying motionless on the floor or were stuck to the wall. Spotting my keys under a kitchen cabinet I grabbed them and headed for the door when suddenly, out of nowhere, a cat leapt down off the fridge slashing my right eye in a second. Dropping the knife I clutched my eye howling in pain. A shadow moved in the corner of my remaining peripheral vision. Slumping down against the refrigerator I reached for the knife wrapping my right hand fingers around the handle just as the shadow leapt up to finish off my left eye. With blackness closing in on my limited vision and the loss of blood affecting my movement I focused all I had into sending that knife into the body of the last remaining cat. Within a split second the cat was right in front of my face inches away from blinding me. Ramming my knife at the cat my weak arm delayed my actions sending not the knife but my hand into the cat's side. Releasing a painful "Reow" the cat retreated to the living room. That's when I noticed that I was dealing with Pudge. This wasn't going to be easy but then again if I didn't end this soon I would pass out leaving me at Pudge's nonexistent mercy. "Here kitty kitty." I taunted him rising to my feet. Releasing an enraged hiss he came at me quickly zig zagging around the carpet making it impossible for me to get at him. Waiting for the right moment I patiently bided my time as he moved about occasionally swiping at my legs making shallow cuts. It wasn't until he foolishly lashed at a section of my shredded pants and briefly became entangled that I was given an opening. Sending the knife down in the fashion of a guillotine I beheaded him screaming, "Wrong move Pudge!" Right at this time the door opened and Jeff entered his new blood bathed home. Upon taking in the heaps of cats in the living room, the screams emitting from the freezer, and oven, the hairy gore rotating in the microwave, the multiple bodies stuck to the wall with his own cutlery, and me covered in blood with shredded clothing and a headless cat dangling from my pants Jeff glared at me screaming "WHAT THE **** DID YOU DO TO MY CATS!?" Pointing the bloody knife at him I vehemently replied. "Don't you ever invite me over to your house again!" The End Disclaimer: Only a few cats were injured during the making of this story. Copyright 2008 Jason Haugh |
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| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 25 June 2008 ) |
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