My room is not a home

It is a place where the dark souls roam.

My body's not my temple.

For its been defiled by robbers and symptoms.

My minds not my space.

For I compromised it with disgrace.

And my love has no effect.

For all I will reject. 

Keyword: Nothing left

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Comments (9)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-06-25 16:30:06 .... Well, it started off promosing, but went down a drastic slope. It just stopped flowing and got all ... bad. Keep Trying! + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-06-25 16:38:31 .... I didn't think it was 'bad' necessarily. I did think it was too shorth though. What I get from it is four things 1) you arent comfortable in your home/room 2) you have been through a lot physically 3)your face isnt smiley happy anymore 4)you killed people you love. now all you need is something to connect them together somehow. there should be a common thread. just my opinion though keep posting =] + Report this comment
Posted by r.e.potter 2008-06-25 19:57:13 not good This poem,,is that what it was? didn't have a rhythem or a flow. It really didn't make any sense. But fret not, when I killed all my family members last year...I had a bad day too. + Report this comment
Posted by Writer Extrodinaire 2008-06-25 20:34:11 Good I agree its too short but keep writing + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-06-25 21:26:53 .... i liked it. but yea i think you could have presented it a bit better. but for me, well the last stanza i liked the best. i thought it got better near the end than the beginning. + Report this comment
Posted by Juda 2008-06-26 15:17:40 ... last stanza is harsh.. I think I got it though. + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-06-26 16:47:53 .... I like the re-write. now it seems like you are talking about a single emotion instead of all the other stuff smashed into one poem. + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-06-26 18:24:38 .... Told ya. All you needed was to re-do this. Now if you keep it up you will go far. I mean I started like you with a bad poem and attitude but you just need to relax and take in both the praise and criticism. + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-06-26 18:26:33 .... But it is to bad you cut off the last line of the originally poem. I found my self fond of it. But what are you going to do. yeah + Report this comment

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