I'm locked on the inside and theres no way out

If you look through the window every thing is out.

No hammer no nails not a outlet in sight.

I would break down the door.

But my shoulders not right.

I would kick out the glass.

But then cut up my calf.

So here I stand looking so out.

The birds and planes, kids running about.

There's kite flying, and bees buzzing all about.

While fat kids hurry to climb about.

And look at the neighbors left there dog sentry.

I don't see any food not a scrap or bite.

So he keeps coming right back to my home at night.

I stomp and I scream I yell all about.

But he only leaves from a hit in the mouth.

Reaching down I take off my shoe.

Launch it at the dog "don't come back fool."

I'm locked on the inside and theres no way out.

If you look through the window every thing is out.

No hammer no nails not an outlet in sight.

My shoe is on the grass with my bike on the right.

Keyword: Locked

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Comments (14)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-06-25 16:20:50 .... Hmmm....so he's trapped in some building by a park? I'm not to sure i understood this one, i dunno, maybe its because of the magnet next to my head. I didnt really think you rhymed to well, but thats just my opinion. Keep on Writing! + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-06-25 16:21:42 .... i'll just be honest and say i didn't like this at all. i didn't really understand it and it didn't rhyme very well. but it's just my opinion. + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-06-25 16:23:41 .... huh? I'm a little confused.. well a lot confused. he was locked in a room? I dont know, also, it seemed like you were REALLY trying to rhyme.. even by repeating the same ending word over and over. Just a word of advice: poems dont always have to rhyme, they just need to flow when you read them =] + Report this comment
Posted by The Dark Advenger 2008-06-25 16:28:32 .... Wow you three must be stupid. He was in his house and there was a dog that kept coming back to his house and he keeps throwing things at it. So in the end he repeats the beginning and adds that his shoe is on the grass. + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-06-25 16:32:11 .... I have a question, whats the point of this poem in the first place? It has no way for anyone to relate to it, it has no emotions, its just plain awful and im sorry i gave you three ratings in the first place. + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-06-25 16:33:21 .... oh by the way "Advenger" isnt a word. Dont you mean "The Dark Avenger"? + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-06-25 16:41:21 .... oooooooooooooookay. someone doesnt know how to accept criticism. *won't waste my time commenting on their stories anymore* + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-06-25 18:11:47 Ha Wow for a guy who said in my poem "I tried to hard." You seem not to try hard enough. Take this down and re-write. + Report this comment
Posted by r.e.potter 2008-06-25 20:05:37 At a lost. ok...come clean...are you 4? I use to be such a sweet sweet guy till they got a hold of me-Alice Cooper. Im tired of BS on stories/poems like I did in the past. This was terrible. But don't be hate'n...classes are available to help improve. + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-06-25 21:56:56 .... no i don't think of myself as stupid. but thanks for explaining what this meant....it only proved how stupid and pointless this piece really is. writing about throwing things at a dog???????? why even waste the time to submit something such as this?? and i guess it's cool to rate your own pieces now. and yea it doesn't suprise me that Writer Extroardinaire likes it, because this is just as stupid as anything he's ever written. + Report this comment
Posted by Dirkin 2008-06-25 22:31:01 .... Maybe I'm 'stupid' too, because I didn't get this. You have explained what happens in the poem with the dog and everything, but why? Is there a point? I don't see how not getting or liking a poem is bullying, but calling people stupid certainly is. You rhymed the word 'about' three times in a row and then a few lines later, which just sounds wrong. On the plus side, you have left me wondering who the narrator is, and why he can throw shoes at dogs while being locked in but decides not to kick the glass door. Some crazy old shut in? certainly seems to sound like one. Hey if a poem gets a lot of discussion and opinions, then its doing something right. Three stars for that + Report this comment
Posted by Hodders 2008-06-26 05:43:47 .... After I read the first line I thought it looked like it was going to be great! But the rest of it just bored me to be honest, I didn't get what you were trying to say in this at all and at times it seemed like you were trying to rhyme just for the sake of it. There were also a couple of grammatical errors + Report this comment
Posted by Juda 2008-06-26 15:14:58 hmmm this one got out of hand + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-06-28 01:33:40 .... I think the comments are better than the poem itself. You do need to edit it but at least you're trying I guess. On a side note you shouldn't bash others that may not like your material or are offering tips. It's just not christian. + Report this comment

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