(This is not a gay story just a story of two friends. Lets make this clear right now.)



There he was, waving his goodbye's.

My friend betrayed me, hung left out to dry.



Turned up his nose and walked away.

Knowing my fate would be decided on that day.



What kind of friend leaves you so cold.

Making you fell your friendship has grown old.



So from this day on, the bond is broken.

Now you will be the one, left on the side chocken.

Keyword: Betrayed by a friend

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Comments (22)

Posted by Tom Shandruk 2008-06-25 00:52:03 .... because of the comment in the beginning, I suppose this is about a good friend of yours that was the same sex. It seems he simply turned away from you, or did something to destroy your friendship. I like the dark feelings at the end, but overall the poem was....almost lacking in a plot, if that can be applied to poetry. It's all too vague, if you understand what I'm saying. + Report this comment
Posted by Writer Extrodinaire 2008-06-25 11:57:20 Umm..... yeah,you got your point across but you misspelled choken because its not a word and feel...just spell check a lot of people told me to and i didn't listen but then i saw they were trying to help so don't take this the wrong way but you misspell a lot and i remember you said to have someone read over it...so doesn't that apply to you + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-06-25 12:04:34 .... I also thought it was a bit too vague. It would have been nice if you had described what caused the freind to 'betray' you like he did. I'm not saying it was bad, just not enough information to make me FEEL. spellcheck is a writers best friend =] + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-06-25 14:16:02 .... well, i won't repeat what everyone else said. but i just didn't feel any emotion from it. even though it sounded like a serious topic. there just wasn't enough to take in with this piece. i think if you revised it and tried it again you could probably make it alot better. + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-06-25 14:24:11 What Wow um I did make a mistake when I posted the poem but why are u or yall tripin on it, I mean it was not a spelling error but a typing. + Report this comment
Posted by Writer Extrodinaire 2008-06-25 14:27:20 just do it! Dude just like everyone told me were here to help you don't complain about it just fix it man I tried so should you I think it was a good poem but it gets bad ratings because you won't just listen and there simple problems + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-06-25 14:30:40 HA HA HA HA HA That is funny coming from the person who still has that dante tales with the hundreds of mistakes which he won't fix. And the reason I am not going to correct this poem is I want to know what I have to fix in its entirety. Not one at a time so i will wait then make the next one better. + Report this comment
Posted by Writer Extrodinaire 2008-06-25 14:31:21 .... Sorry but no I don't have spelling errors in Dante tales I spellchecked it at least three times and re-read and you say that you want to know what to fix all together but it seems that all of your poems have spelling errors but you never fix them as you go on + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-06-25 14:37:58 Wow For some one who does not like any of my poems you seem to read them all. Please tell why that is I mean if I hate captain crunch I don't buy it. If there is a show I don't like I don't watch. And if there is a book I don't like then guess what " I DON'T READ IT." So what are you gay for my poems. + Report this comment
Posted by Writer Extrodinaire 2008-06-25 14:38:20 to answer Actually I gave some of your poems good ratings like mistaken that seemed like your best even though noone else liked it....but it seems that you give advice but can't take....and no I'm not gay for your poems and just because a teacher has a stupid student does it mean she automatically fails him...no he can improve + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-06-25 14:41:30 Really So a teacher thinks the student will get better I really don't see where that falls in with my poems seeing how you just said that I don't listen to you. Do you still see hope? How about this you try and write a decent poem and get a life. "FREAK" + Report this comment
Posted by Writer Extrodinaire 2008-06-25 14:41:46 actually Yes if you just spell check and stop thinking everyone is out to get you attacking you.....actually I just wrote one y don't you go see it + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-06-25 14:41:53 .... these arguments never get anywhere but block off other stories on the recently commented list, why dont you just delete the comments you dont like and ignore him? maybe he'll go away and play in the sandbox with alfred + Report this comment
Posted by Amatayo 2008-06-25 14:43:16 Yeah I did read yours how about copy write infringement. + Report this comment
Posted by The 13th 2008-06-25 14:46:42 .... For once I agree with ZP.These comments are here to help.Take it on the chin and fix the errors or just delete the comments but stop whinging like a girl. + Report this comment
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