Darkening

Author: Jessie Masoner

The darkness surrounds me, this time I have shut it out, his voice telling me what to do, what to say, what to think, how to play. Everything I do is because he tells me to, when I am hurting, bleeding, slowly dieing.

He tells me he is smart, he can fix it all. I believe him, his words comfort me, give me courage. As he looks down on me with his hand outstretched I think it is to save me from my self-imposed doom.

I start to black out, my head falls to my chest, the darkness is coming, slowly like the rising tide it comes for me at my end.

In my final moments covered in blood I look up and see him no more, I hear the voices now of those who I left behind shouting for help, to stop the bleeding, to heal my wounds, they wont save me they can't save me I wont let them.

I am awake again this time the walls are all white and the light is bright, the brightness is burning my eyes, the room is so clean I can see reflections in the metal I see them sitting in their chairs watching me closely.

 I start to fade I see him again, he will not leave me until I am dead.

Next Chapter >

Keyword: Darkening

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Comments (14)

Posted by Behind_the_Mask 2008-06-23 14:13:36 ... There we go, I fixed a couple of errors, and spaced out a couple sentences. This is not meant to be a poem, please do not read it as such. + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-06-23 15:30:49 .... I liked it. It feels like there could be more though? nice job :) + Report this comment
Posted by Behind_the_Mask 2008-06-23 17:18:54 ... I’m going to add a few parts to this, and see if its good or not, if I like it better I will just add a conclusion to it. We shall see. Thanks for the comment + Report this comment
Posted by D.A. Ross 2008-06-24 22:33:50 Psycho therapy A good read. A chaotic vision of a psychopathic mind. Or, maybe I’m wrong. TY + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-06-27 09:56:45 .... PSYCHO THERAPY IS WHAT THEY WANNA GIVE ME!!! -Ramones Pretty good read, you did well at writing the mind of the insane, but i also feel that you could make this a helluva lot better if you rewrote it and made it longer. Cheers + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-08-20 22:03:18 .... oh yeah i remember this. pretty weird but leaves you curious for more. on to the next ... hopefully i finish tonight. + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-08-21 08:39:20 Knickers! Didn't realise there was a "Chapter 0" until today - now feel such a prat. Ok, got that out of my system. Gimmee more!!! Phil + Report this comment
Posted by Roby 2008-08-21 17:51:09 ... Reminds me of a Genesis song called 'The Last Domino.' Which I saw live in 2007. + Report this comment
Posted by JonStalk 2008-08-22 21:16:24 .... Nice start. It was Short, sweet and to the point. It left me looking for the next installment. Not sure what to expect, but I have a feeling it's going to be damned good!!!! + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-08-23 23:28:19 .... I'm going to give this a 5 just because its so weird and twisted. Which falls into my ballpark. Yes. I own a ballpark. I have no idea what's going on in this but I'm definetly interested. Off to chapter 2! + Report this comment
Posted by wcromart03 2008-08-24 23:16:45 Dark I thought it was dark but I wanted more. It kept me interested. Cool story. + Report this comment
Posted by Cyraus Foldger 2008-08-29 21:03:30 .... Intriguing. I love the idea of Chapter 0. Nice... it has a lost and illusive style to it. I enjoyed it. (RYUUZAKI!) Hello, people... This is Chapter 0.... There is going to be more! + Report this comment
Posted by allmine 2008-09-15 14:15:13 .... So far I like. It has that sense of impending horror. Anmd it leaves me wanting more, which is what you want out of a chaptered story. So onward to the next one... + Report this comment
Posted by onyxdragon 2008-09-18 16:08:12 I like it I'm hooked. On to the next chapter. I really liked this, makes you think. Makes you think what in the world is happening or has happened. Either way. I'm in. + Report this comment

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