I can't stand this place any more it was destroying me it mocked my love and shattered my sense of romance but sitting alone by myself drinking was never a good idea. Emotions and thoughts hit me harder then when I was sober. I thought the reason why we drank was to have fun or maybe the off chance of going to a bar or a club and have a drunken sex orgy. That has never happened to me yet but eventually in time the odds will be in my favour. Anyways drink away the pain rite? No of course that was not the case. Especially how low I have been lately. Sitting on my back porch five beers drunk and no sleep in the last the 24 hrs. The porch was suppose to relax me fresh air cool breeze a dark and starry night(although I wished the stars were brighter in the city). But yet it still was un nerving there were memories here not much but enough to bring me down. The idea was to get out of my small stuffy room get away from that ******* bug I killed and the television set were I saw zombies on every channel trying to be civilized. Opening up my sixth beer I noticed a shooting star closed my eyes made my wish. When I opened them I knew it was just false hope wishes don't come true, no one ever really has a happy ending, all the real true love stories never end rite. But there she was my sweetheart opening my back gate coming to see me she was walking towards the porch I jumped out of my seat and immediately ran to her. We met half way she was just as beautiful as she always was. She smiled at me and I gave her a hug as tight as humanly possible. I could feel her soft body, smell her hair and her perfume I could feel her heart beating on my chest it was perfect. Crying, I started crying on her shoulder weeping like a kid who missed his mother homesick. It took me a minute before I realized I was standing in my backyard by myself hugging my own body crying to nobody but the night. What a cruel joke my mind needed rest I needed sleep but my mood was too alert ready to act but ready for nothing. It was the phone that snapped me back to reality. I walked back to the porch and picked it up looking at the caller id it was her it was her name and her number I waited for one more ring before I answered it "hello?" but no one was on the other line just the same annoying tone that's waiting for you to dial out. She must have hung up. Looking back on the caller list nothing her number wasn't their, it hasn't been for a month now. Was I hallucinating? Maybe it was her not physically but her soul haunting me. I thought to myself maybe I should call her to say goodnight to hear her voice again. No it's too late 3:30 in the morning and I'm drunk its best to leave her alone she would probably tell me to **** off anyways. I needed to do something sitting here was too depressing maybe I'll bury the bug. I grabbed a spoon two tooth picks some floss and made a cross. I dug a grave in the middle of the yard placed it inside and covered it up. It was a pathetic sight but a more respectable way for an insect to have a proper memorial service than just to be tossed in the trash can. I felt I should say a few words the only thing that came up was "I'm sure he will be missed."
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