Author's Note: This was a very fast story I had it done in about 10 minutes. I'm not trying to be funny. Be critcal. Please.

I used to have a family, and great friends. I lost it all... I found comfort in booze and gambling. I spent my entire college fund illegally gambling. My life had been so close to perfect. I had a home. Now I have nothing... I sit here alone in this run down shed longing for someone to come along and notice me. Nobody ever notices the low-life herrmit though. I'm so alone that animals cannot comfort me. I wish i had a family and a warm bed to sleep in at night. I don't. I have no bed. All I have is a hard cement floor and a rock to use as a pillow. I am alone. I will always be alone. Alone forever.

Keyword: When I'm Alone...

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Comments (6)

Posted by marchintothesea 2008-06-21 07:47:14 .... I honestly think that you could develop this into something more. Right now, it isn't really a story. You could write about how the person hit rock bottom, what they do now, how they plan to get out, etc. + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-06-21 16:33:30 .... yea, i agree. go into detail more and actually make it into a story. + Report this comment
Posted by Xena 2008-06-21 16:50:46 woa this guy blew all his money on ILLEGAL gambling? He couldnt go to a casino.. or michigan? (gambling legal at 18)... so was he like playing with buddies or like in a basement with the asian mafia? oh and you know what could be good to explain the no family and friends? no friends cause they took all his money and now he cant play poker with them anymore cause thats all they do.. or hes just mad at them... and then he has no family because the mafia or whatever killed them because of his gambling debt.. there you go.. youre welcome.. oh and tell that guy that he could probably use his shoes as a pillow rather than a rock.. but maybe he just likes how rocks feel i dont know... + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-06-22 17:20:46 .... How would anybody notice him in a shed? Get that hobo out on the streets for some pity lovin! But yeah you should try to develope this some more. And explain why he has no family just because of booze and gambling. Maybe he stole from them and they disowned him. + Report this comment
Posted by Tarhead Mugwump 2008-07-26 23:42:13 all it needs is a decent target seems as though you were talking to yourself asking what your next story could be about... needs a frame of reference, a simple: and this is why i'm where i am today. course, ya gotta keep in mind that you're reading something typed by a guy eating peanuts that were covered first in chocolate, then with a hard candy shell that melts in my mouth and not in my hands while listening to green day on my pc as i read. i may not be a reliable source of information... write on! + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-07-27 00:03:18 .... this could totally be a bigger, longer story. It was a great start, but you need to fill in the reader about how/why the character is in this situation. + Report this comment

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