Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-06-21 00:59:40
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I havent read all your poems, but of the ones i have read this is in my opinion your best one. Suicide is always a hard topic to write well, and that you did. I loved the last two lines
So it ends not a bang,
But a slit across the vain
it gives me goosebumps
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-06-21 01:01:38
What this is about.
Yesterday I went out on a date with my girl where she revealed that she has been cheating on me for the last month. So I wanted to write a poem that should how I felt. But do not worry this poem is not what I want to do in any way and please no one take this literal I just want to make this clear because I did love her but one day I will find another.
And no one spare my feelings if you don't like this then please say so.
(AND I REPEAT DO NOT TAKE THIS LITERALLY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.)
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Posted by Xena
2008-06-21 03:10:15
Amayayo
Don't do it. females will always break your heart. Please, its not worth it. Don't hurt yourself or anybody else. Its obvious you need some sort of help, even if you cant admit it. Thats why i reported your story to the administrator. Its for your own good.
PS. I'm just kidding, please dont kill yourself.. i was just kidding man, alright, you know, joking
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Posted by Hodders
2008-06-21 03:33:50
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Really good! I agree with Zombie Punk, probably is your best poem.
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Posted by marchintothesea
2008-06-21 07:25:21
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I liked this quite a bit. Everyone does feel like this sometimes, even though most people don't go and do it. I'm sorry about your girlfriend though. You deserve way better.
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Posted by flossy
2008-06-21 11:58:03
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I liked it...a bit depressing though but that's love for you.
I think some one is messing with your rating, this deserves more than a two.
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-06-21 14:02:52
Yeah
I have been feeling that some one is messing with my ratings and it might be some people that don't like me.
For example XxbamjedixX, slavetolove or writer extraordinaries
But as long has the people that like it post that's all I really care about.
And thank you everyone for your postings.
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-06-21 16:58:18
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i can't believe they stoop that low and purposely go rate your pieces just to lower your ratings...
but like i said before, i seem to enjoy your pieces more and more. i really like what you did here.
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-06-21 17:02:00
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I'm must be missing something, but how is 33 ratings bad? and i thought you could only rate a story one time a day anyways?
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Posted by Writer Extrodinaire
2008-06-21 19:33:32
What
i had nothing to do with it i thought this was actually a awesome poem
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Posted by June Eclipsis
2008-06-21 20:36:36
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Enjoyed it.
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Posted by brandon_scott
2008-06-21 23:16:49
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I enjoyed the poem. I liked the darker side of it, even though I don't condone suicide.
However, I do think the tempo was off in certain lines. Example: Line A that rhymes with line B has more or less sylables than line B, thereby throwing the rhythm off. Do you understand what I'm saying, or do I need to clarify more?
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Posted by Xena
2008-06-22 03:28:01
ps
hahaha brandon scott you dont condone suicide?.. hhehe you jackass
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Posted by sTiCkFiGuRe
2008-06-22 06:58:44
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After reading this ( I ) want to kill myself. I'm assuming you had tears in your eyes when you wrote this, because it had no flow and was hard to grasp what actually you were saying other than wanting to kill yourself. I do see alot of rating hits which is encouraging... and I believe your score is valid.
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Posted by sTiCkFiGuRe
2008-06-22 07:01:58
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One more thing, in your poem you stated that you let (her) down... but in your own follow-up comment you told us that she was cheating on (you.) Just curious is all.
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