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Young Cruelty


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Written by corinthian   
Friday, 20 June 2008
ImageThe time has come the time is now


The kings reign shall end now


For he has brought to much grief


He stole my brother like a thief


They came in our home and stabbed him dead


Now he'll pay for the blood he shed


Every man in the village shall help


To destroy the cretin this infadel this welp


We'll take him down to the river side and pelt him with stones until he dies


It is unforgivable how he thrives while his villagers starve and die...




Copyright 2008 corinthian
Keyword: Young Cruelty
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Comments (5)
Posted by brandon_scott
2008-06-20 14:16:09
....

I'm not sure about this one. I take it the peasants are angry with the king? In my own opinion, this would read well as a short story, with some background and some description thrown into it.
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-06-20 14:48:38
....

Its 'okay', i like how it tells a story, but i feel that you could have made it longer. the last two lines ruined the poem for me, they just didnt flow well.
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Posted by Amatayo
2008-06-20 17:30:00
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

personally I did not like it and for me it seems like the poem I wrote called revolution but hey I wrote poems because I got inspired by another so im not trippin but the writer could of done better. But to the writer we all have off days so don't worry about it. I have a couple of poems that I really don't like and then others I do so keeps going.
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Posted by Pilgrim
2008-07-04 20:57:00
....

Pretty good. I would have made it more into a story and played it out, like describing the incident where his brother was killed, or being more specific and descriptive of the atrocities that are happening in the village.
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Posted by
2008-07-23 20:34:39
....

This seems like a story. So, there is a croel king. But why did the king kill your brother only. There must be some reason. But if it was mindless killing, it is about time the villagers showed him that they were the true king for bourgeois hold true power.
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Last Updated ( Friday, 20 June 2008 )
 
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