Loss 





I didn't realize
the extent
of all I had to lose
to win this fight
against leukaemia,
until the other night
when my sister and dad
were talking about it. 


They decided
to make a list,
to quantify
the things no longer mine. 


Most of them
were obvious,
but others
surprised me
quite a lot. 


Like my dignity
the day I had to pawn
my ring 


and the promises I made
to young mothers
that I would always be there
to help,
regardless. 


Eventually,
they asked for my assistance
and when we thought
the list complete,
I started laughing
as I realized
we had forgotten the kidney
removed
during heart surgery. 


It was an insane moment
when something
so profound
felt ridiculous
by the sheer magnitude
of cancer's unforgiving hand. 


As I realized this,
my laughter turned
to uncontrollable sobbing,
just like
it did
my sister and Dad. 


But it felt good to cry
as the weight
carried by tears
is amazing,
considering their diminutive size.