Posted by Amatayo
2008-06-15 01:06:36
What I Think
 
Two me the person that wrote it just decided to pick up a pen and pad and try to rhyme. And I am not trying to be mean to the person who produced this I am just being honest because this is writing community and what people put will help the writer get better in writing.
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-06-15 13:10:55
....
okay you bashed amatayo for writing sad pieces, so what do you call this exactly??? happy. but yes, this to me, is a rambling about never getting a kiss.
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-06-15 13:13:19
Sorry to offense
but you need to stop writing poems. this just sucked.
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Posted by Sad Sara
2008-06-16 02:59:44
There's just too much to say here
I have to break up this critique to fit this site’s irritating character limits allowed for a review. Okay I am not really into strict rules and guidelines where Poetry is concerned.But I do believe any Poem should at least depict how the Poet who wrote said Poem at least cares enough to show an effort in creative artistry. There are several ways this can be executed without resulting in delimitating Poetry. One of the simplest and most effective ways to do such would be to gather and convey your thoughts and feelings into what is known in the Poetic arts as stanzas. A stanza is a division of Poem made up by a number of lines of verse forming a separate unit within the Poem. In many Poems each stanza has the same number of lines and the same rhythm and rhyme scheme. To exemplify a few these stanzaic units are formed to represent fragmented coherency that once incorporated with the other stanzas should form a moment of captured insight or expound an emotive beat. Abstract or otherwise.
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Posted by Sad Sara
2008-06-16 03:04:23
Next...
Okay, moving on to your Poem. I seriously have to question if you even tried here. Sorry, but your ability to articulate your thoughts you've displayed in this verse is extremely poor. In fact, I find your Poem a candidate that could easily be classified as Poetic kitsch. I mean honestly, who strives to be crass? Therefore, that's why I wonder if your intentions here regarding sincerity even honorable or if your efforts are valid, Poetically that is, since there is no device that could measure the heart. Therefore I cannot question the validity of your sincerity where that matter is concerned. But you definitely can, and should.
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Posted by Sad Sara
2008-06-16 03:07:41
Grammatical tips...
Here’s a few, its -*it's, rymer -*rhymer, and I seriously doubt any question posed could justify needing more than one question mark.
If you are that dumbfounded by the your Poetic inquiry, you should have been able to convey it through your choice of words, rather than passing the buck to punctuation.
Come on, that's lazy and only detracts from your sincerity.
If you really would like to know why she regards you with indifference, well I could probably help you out there far more than any number of question marks certainly ever could.
And I would do this based on my assessment of your character from reading the deplorable comments you've written for other writers here.
To sum it up Brent...
You're an ass.
Knock it off.
You're embarrassing yourself, and are in no way providing any constructive advice to the author whose work you seem to truly enjoy expounding your jealous disdain towards.
Aye
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Posted by Sad Sara
2008-06-16 03:11:13
Final thoughts...
Ratings are merely pretentious icons, such is their worth.
But a constructive critique intended on enhancing creative growth to the art of writing is priceless.
Believe that you'll fair well to take my advice here for what it's worth to you.
Because I know I take my words for what they're worth to me.
Good luck, and please start
showing some respect for Poetry.
‘Anna
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Posted by brandon_scott
2008-06-16 14:51:38
Ouch!
Wow. You got ripped up! Honestly, I think that it looks like something Eminem would rap, only without the swear words and women-bashing.
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-06-16 15:43:31
....
oh damn dude you got told lol
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Posted by flowerclover
2008-06-18 13:35:33
....
Personally, I liked it. This is probualry one of your first works and you might need to work more. I hope to see more of your work in the future.
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Posted by nick711
2008-06-20 09:07:03
....
This isn't a good poem. It makes me wonder why these ones become so popular, and there are probably atleast decent poems we've all passed over to rip you up for this one.
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Posted by June Eclipsis
2008-06-22 13:21:18
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Wow. That is the first time I've ever seen Sad Sara criticize a poem in such a way. I thought it was pretty bad, and if the kind and accepting Sad Sara could call it quite hideous in nature, than I have no other choice than to say that it is the worst I have ever laid my eyes upon.
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