He half threw, half sat himself into the empty space across from the tall, twenty something blond girl sitting by herself in the booth.

   "What do you want?" he demanded.

   "Hey, sweetie! It's good to see you again!" she said cheerfully.

   He sighed. "What do you want?" he questioned again, more impatiently this time.

   "Hi, welcome to Denny's," came an overly cheerful voice at the end of the booth. A robust redheaded lady stood there, smiling and holding a notepad. "My name is Heather, and I'll be your waitress this evening. Can I start you off with a-"

   "Um, he'll have a glass of tomato juice," said the young blond woman curtly, interrupting the waitress's spiel. The waitress raises and eyebrow at the rudeness, but then walks away.

   "What was that?" asked the young man forcefully.

   "What was what?" she countered, as innocently as possible.

   "Why were you so rude to her? And what makes you think you can order for me?  I hate tomato juice, I always have, and-"

   "But tomato juice is good for you," she interrupted. "Besides, you always drank it when we were together."

   "I drank it so that I wouldn't have to hear you whine and complain about how unhealthy my drinks are," he explained.

   "Oh, well, fine, I'll pay for it if that will make you happy," she offered.

   "I don't want you to pay for it. I don't want the stupid tomato juice. And I definitely don't want to be here. What I want is for you to tell me what you want so I can get out of here."

   Her smile dropped. "I want for you to listen to me. I want for you to hear me out. I want for you to not walk away from me or blow me off like you normally do when I try to talk to you. I want to apologize to you. I want to try to work things out between us, ‘cuz I've missed you."

   The waitress returned to the booth and set the tomato juice in front of the twenty-something man.

   "Here's your tomato juice. Will you be ordering anything tonight?" inquired the waitress.

   "No, I-"

   "He won't be ordering tonight," declared the young female patron. "And he decided he doesn't want tomato juice after all, so just bring him a coffee and a glass of water, thanks."

   The waitress rolled her eyes, took the tomato juice from the booth, and walked away. The brown-haired young man looked from the waitress to his companion, his mouth ajar.

   "See! You did it again!" he said, incredibly irritated. "You didn't miss me, you missed having a puppet that you could order around and call all the shots for. You're still as rude and self-centered as you were when we were together, and every guy you've dated since then has found that out, and you can't keep a man, and so you call me up hoping that I will take you back, and there is no way in HELL that I would ever do that! Not after everything you put me through last time."

   "Okay, I admit, I was a ***** to you and I didn't treat you right," she admitted. " I'm really, really sorry. I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. It's just that I've done quite a bit of thinking lately, and I realize now that you must have been miserable after we split up. I can just imagine you lying there in bed, not able to get to sleep because I wasn't there to hold you, and it makes me feel bad."

   He gave her an incredulous look. "You conceited little *****," he said, his jaw growing tense with anger and his volume rising. "What makes you think for one second that I ever missed you, or that I ever lost any sleep at night? What makes you think that I wasn't completely overjoyed to have your lazy, self-centered, egotistical ass out of my life? I'll have you know that dumping you was the best thing I've ever done."

   "Then why do you answer the phone every time I call?" she asked. "And why did you decide to meet me out here tonight?"

   "I was trying to be civil about this, but I guess it will take either a restraining order or a stake through the heart to get rid of you," he growled.

   The waitress returned to the booth and set the coffee and the water down in front of him.

   "Is everything ok here?" she asked.

   "Yes," replied the young lady.

   "No!" yelled the male patron sitting in the booth. "Nothing is ok here! I don't want coffee and water, I don't want tomato juice, I don't want anything, and I definitely don't want to be around her!"

   Heather the waitress gave him a nervous look, took his coffee and water, and walked quickly away.

   "Ken, please calm down," said the blond girl, glancing nervously around the restaurant. "People are looking at us."

   "So?" he replied, loud enough for the patrons in the restaurant to hear. "Isn't this what you want, to be the center of attention? Oh, wait, no, this isn't the attention you want! You only want positive attention. What am I thinking? You don't want everyone knowing that you're a ***** and a tramp and a scheming little *****."

   "Ken, please!" she begged. Tears were starting to run from her big blue eyes, down her cheeks, and off her petite jaw onto her overly large breasts, which were all but overflowing from the top of her low cut t-shirt.

   "No, Barbie! I won't fall for your forced tears again. Hell no. You tried that **** when I-"

   He was cut off mid-sentence by a quiet male voice behind him.

   "Um, excuse me. Sorry for interrupting, but maybe you should cut out the name-calling and hurtful language. She's crying, and she's obviously sorry, and there is no reason for you to go on bashing her like you are, especially in a public restaurant." 

   Ken turned around in his seat and looked at the stranger. "Excuse me?" he growled. "Who are you and when did any part of this become your business?"

   "Look, I was just-"

   "You were just what, letting your way into our conversation? Nobody told you or asked you to jump in with your worthless opinions, so why don't you turn back around and keep out of things that don't concern you."

   "Ken, please; he's only trying to help," said Barbie.

   "Yes! Please! I'm only trying to help," assured the stranger. "Waitress, can you bring him a glass of milk? Maybe it will help calm him down."

   Ken stood up out of the booth.

   "CALM ME DOWN?!" exclaimed Ken. "Who do you think you are, telling me that I need to calm down? I AM calm!"

   "Ken, sit down," shouted Barbie.

   "PLEASE! Everyone just calm down," ordered the stranger. "Sir, will you please take a seat?"

   Ken reluctantly sat back down in the booth. The waitress brought a glass of milk over to the booth. The stranger took it from her and set it in front of Ken.

   "Here, drink this. It'll help you feel better," assured the stranger.

   "I can't drink this! I'm lactose intolerant, you ass!" said Ken.

   "Well, is there anything you DO want?" asked the waitress.

   "Just get him a glass of water," ordered Barbie.

   "What the hell is this, ‘gang up on Ken' day?" he asked no one in particular. "Why don't we let me decide what I want?"

   Ken stood up out of the booth and began talking to the waitress.

   "This psychotic little **** can't leave me alone for long enough for me to enjoy life without her," he explained, pointing from Barbie to the stranger, "and now this jackass is feeling bad for her without knowing what the hell is going on and what she did to make me this way!"

   The waitress threw her hands up and walked away.

   "Screw you guys, I'm outta here," declared Ken.

   "Wait a minute sir," said the stranger, standing up out of his booth and sliding into the booth next to Barbie "Maybe we should start over. My name is Robert Xavier.I'm a marriage counselor; maybe I can help you two work through some of your problems. "

   "Oh, wonderful! A quack!" said Ken. "Well, Mr. Expert, you want to know what's going on? Fine. I dumped her sorry ass two years ago after I caught her screwing my best friend Joe, who was on leave for two weeks from the army. But even before she was banging my friends, she was a worthless little *****. I took her on trips to places like Malibu, I bought her hundred dollar outfits, I bought her several cars, and she just wanted more! I bought her the house of her dreams for all of her ****, and what thanks did I get? She cheats on me with my best friend. If you want to help out, you can commit this psycho ***** to a mental hospital so she can't do to some other guy what she did to me."

   With that, Ken got up and headed for the exit.

   There was a long moment of silence. Barbie wiped the last of her tears from her eyes and fixed her hair a little, collecting herself very quickly. Robert sat in the booth beside her, watching Ken storm out the door. They both began looking sheepishly around the restaurant at the other customers who were gawking at them and whispering to each other. Robert moved to the other side of the booth from Barbie.

   A few moments of silence passed, and it was Barbie who spoke again.

   "So, a doctor, huh? Are you single?" she asked.

Keyword: One Night at Denny's

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Comments (7)

Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-06-14 22:12:22 omg hilliarious! Barbie cheated on Ken with G.I Joe what a classic gotta admit, though the only reason I clicked on this story was because it reminded me of the Denny's in my home town. That place is where are the young people younger than 21 go. Its like a bar, the workers dont mind people getting drunk and its pretty fun. You get to see lots of fights and arguments. Good stuff. + Report this comment
Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-06-14 22:37:09 .... i was worried when i clicked on this that it was going to be some kind of ridiculous humorless story but this was good. i found myself sucked in to the story. heh, i like at the end how Barbie just went on to the next guy......girls like that are pathetic. + Report this comment
Posted by strawberrywino 2008-06-15 08:04:57 funny No!" yelled the male patron thing the booth. and set it front of Ken. You know Barbie and ken are sister and brother right. Xavier Roberts = the cabbage patch kid guy. You put his name backwards Barbie's wiped + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-06-15 13:54:24 .... That was a clever little diddy. I liked how you waited to reveal the names. I always thought Barbie was a spoiled little whore. Good job on pointing that out. + Report this comment
Posted by D.A. Ross 2008-06-15 19:47:58 Funny Never did like Barbie. Funny story. TY + Report this comment
Posted by onyxdragon 2008-06-19 17:46:01 Denny's Like Zombie Punk, I clicked on it for Denny's. The Denny's in my town is kind of gross. My wife and I usually try to avoid it as much as possible. Though, its like the only restaurant that is open all night or at least really late. Lame. Like the story, too. And good waiting on the reveal of the names. + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-07-07 01:35:42 Yessssssssssssssss Got this one pretty early because I'm on a similar wave length, but that took nothing away from the humour. Excellent piece, stringing the tale out until the very end when some other mug steps in. Brilliant! Phil + Report this comment

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