Her Magic Touch, Chapter 2

Luckily the bus stop is near where she lives and is...

The Lottery

This is the story about Jack and Neal Who shook...

BLOODSONG: THE MIND OF A KILLER, Chapter 3


This story may contain adult content.
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Written by jake   
Saturday, 31 May 2008

COLE WALKED INTO THE SHOWER'S, THE LARGE INMATES SHOUTING OBSCENETIES AT HIM.

" HEY PRETTY BOY!...", ONE BLACK MAN SHOUTED, HIS TEETH GOLD PLATED. HE WAS LARGE, WITH VARIOUS SCARS AND TATOOS.

" IMA MAKE YOUR ******* BUSIER THAN A TOY SHOP ON CHRISTMAS EVE!", HE SHOUTED. COLE DID NOT FEAR THESE MEN. THEY WERE ALL STUPID, DUMB, UNWORTHY OF HIS RETALIATION.

COLE UNDRESSED, AND WALKED IN THE SHOWER. HE RUBBED HIS BODY WELL WITH THE SINGLE BAR OF SOAP HE WAS GIVEN. SUDDENLY, THE MAN THAT HAD SHOUTED AT HIM EARLIER, BUMPED INTO HIM. HE LOST GRIP ON HIS SOAP, AND IT DROPPED TO THE FLOOR.

COLE MADE NO MOVE FOR IT.

" YOU GONNA PICK IT UP?", THE MAN SAID.

" I WAS DONE ANYWAY...", COLE SAID DRYLY.

" NO... I STILL SEE YOU GOT SOME DIRT SPOTS..."

" NO... I SAID IM DONE..." COLE SAID WITH MORE AGRESSION.

THE MAN PUSHED COLE, AND COLE FELL TO THE GROUND.

" GET IT UP, PRETTY BOY..."

COLE'S EYES FLARED GOLD. HE INCHED FOR THE BAR, AND THE MAN WATCHED EAGERLY. THEN, COLE, WITH THE QUICKNESS OF A CAT, PUNCHED THE MANS GROIN. HE FELL, GROANING, TO THE FLOOR. HE THREW A PUNCH AT COLE, BUT COLE MERELY DODGED IT, SIDE STEPPING. COLE KICKED THE MAN, THE FORCED HIM FORWARDS, AND BANGED HIS HEAD INTO THE SHOWER'S WALL. THE OTHER INMATES WERE HOOTING AND INSTAGATING. COLE CONTINUED TO FORCE THE MAN'S HEAD INTO THE WALL, SPEWING HIS BLOOD ON THE FLOOR, SO THAT IT MIXED WITH THE WATER. COLE STOPPED, PANTING, AND THE MAN FELL LIFELESS TO THE FLOOR.

" ANYONE ELSE?!" COLE YELLED. NO ONE MADE A MOVE.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

JACKSON SAT DOWN, CALMLY IN HIS MENTOR'S OFFICE. HIS MENTOR WAS TWICE HIS AGE, AND HAD EARNED RESPECT AMONG THE RANKS. HIS NAME WAS LANOICE TAYLOR.

" SON, NOW, YOU BETTER PRAY HE DOESN'T PRESS CHARGES..."

" HE WONT... WHAT JUDGE WOULD CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO HIM ANYWAY... EVERYONE IN NEWYORK, POLICE, LAWYER, AND JUDGE ALIKE, WISH HE WOULD DIE IN HIS CELL..."

" I'LL ADMIT TO THAT... BUT WE HAVE POLICIES AND RULES... AND HE IS STILL A HUMAN BEING... HE HAS RIGHTS..."

" HA... THAT MOTHER ****** DESERVES TO BURN IN HELL!"

" I DIDNT SAY HE DIDN'T... ALL I SAID WAS WE HAVE RULES, AND HE HAS AMMENDMENT GIVEN RIGHTS..."

" WHAT YOU DID IN THAT INTEROGATION ROOM TODAY WAS UNCALLED FOR... HE WAS TRYING TO GET YOU RILED UP... REMEMBER, COLE IS NO DUMB, LUNATIC, HICK THAT HAPPENED TO KILL SOMEBODY... HE IS A CERTIFIED GENIOUS... HE CAN PLAY YOU BEFORE YOU EVEN REALIZE IT..."

" SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?"

" IM SAYING... BR CAREFUL... ANOTHER OUTBURST LIKE THAT, AND I'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SUSPEND YOU FROM THE FORCE... UNDERSTOOD?"

" YES"

" THEN... YOUR DISMISSED.." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Copyright 2008 jake
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Comments (2)
Posted by JJtyler
2008-05-31 22:20:27
Chapter 3

This needs work.

"..." should is being used way too much, mostly to separate lines of dialog from the characters, when a period would do.

Keep writing and reading. The more you read, the more you will know how to build a story and stay away from cliche's like "quick as a cat".
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Posted by lemon
2008-06-01 13:41:04
....

the story line is good, but I agree that your format still needs work. keep posting :)
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