They came few nights ago night

looking for a fight

and they where right.

They found a fight

the men in the village tried to put up a fight.

They failed, and died in the night.

So they come

To kill to steal, to take, to break

they come like shadows in the night

2 night ago they took my brother,

last nights they took my mother

So here they come

screaming my name

i think i will go insane!

they will feast on my brains!

They say this is there final raid, they will wipe us out today

They say we must get away.

I think i will go insane!

Keyword: A peom 4th (As they come i hide)

Report this story | Add to Favorites | Send to Friends | Author's Profile

No Comments posted

Comments (4)

Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-05-29 20:43:34 .... eh, i really didn't like the structure of this and how it sounded when i read it in my head. but i liked the story you were telling within this poem. + Report this comment
Posted by ThatPsycoArtistFletcher10 2008-05-30 17:45:11 Yeah Its was based to be sort of story peom. + Report this comment
Posted by Kasi elaborated 2008-07-28 14:25:34 .... I agree with resistanceisfreedom, in that the structure is off. I think this could develop into something more, if you work on it a bit, elaborating the scene a bit more as well as the emotions of the victims. + Report this comment
Posted by novel.idea 2008-08-18 15:09:57 .... The first line doesn't make sense to me. It looks to me like you were trying to rhyme so you added in the word night on the end. I think that you need to read it again and fix some of your grammar mistakes. I also think that you shouldn't have used the number 2 you should have written out the word two. It just doesn't look right. It might have been a good poem but I'm not quite sure that I understand it enough to say. + Report this comment

Post a comment

Post a comment