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BLOOD SONG PART 1


This story may contain adult content.
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Written by jake   
Monday, 26 May 2008
ImageALL WAS QUITE. ALL WAS STILL. CRIMSON BLOOD STAINED THE CARPET, AND THE KILLERS CURVED BLADE, WICH JUTTED FROM HIS SLEEVE. HIS NEWEST VICTIM WAS A YOUNG WOMEN, A SOPHMORE IN COLLEGE, MAGORING IN BIOMEDICS. HOW TRULY TAINTED HIS MIND IS TO KILL A WOMAN WITH SUCH A BRIGHT FUTURE. BUT HE CARED NOT, SHE WAS ONLY SPAREABLE, LIKE SO MANY OTHERS. HE PICKED A SHARD OF MIRROR FROM THE FLOOR, AND HELD IT ALOFT. HE SAW THE REFLECTION OF HIMSELF, AND WAS ALMOST HORRIFIED, BUT ONLY FOR A FLEETING INSTANT. HE COULD SEE HIS FLOWING BLACK ROBES, THE COWL OF HIS HOOD. HE COULD SEE THE SLEEK OUTLINE OF HIS BLACK ARMOR, AND MOST OF ALL, THE SKELETAL MASK THAT HID HIS FACE. HE WAS THE REAPER, A KILLER REKNOWN FOR HIS GENIOUS, AND HIS BRUTALITY. HE HAD DEVELOPED AN OCCULT FOLLOWING OF LOYAL MINIONS, PEOPLE WHO WOULD WILLIONG KILL THEMSELVES ON HIS COMMAND. HE KILLED BECAUSE HE WAS DEAD ON THE INSIDE, A RESULT OF NEVER TRULY BEING ACCEPTED. NOT BY HIS PEERS, NOT BY HIS PARENTS, WHO WOULD BEAT HIM UNCONCIOUSS. ONE DAY HE WENT INSANE, AND STABBED HIS BEST FRIEND TO DEATH WITH SHARDS OF GLASS, THEN BASHED HIS MOTHERS HEAD IN WITH A SINK. HIS FATHER CAME NEXT, AND HE STABBED HIM IN HIS LEFT TEMPLE. THAT DAY HIS ALTER EGO, COLE MORISS, HAD DIED, AND THE REAPER HAD BEEN BORN. COUNTLESS PEOPLE HAD DIED AT THE REAPER'S HANDS, AND MANY MORE AT THE HANDS OF HIS FOLLOWERS. NOW HIS REPUTATION WAS TO BE TESTED. HE RECIEVED A PERSONAL CHALLENGE, WRITTEN IN THE BLOOD OF ONE OF HIS OWN FOLLOWERS, BY THE CLOWN, ANOTHER INFAMOUS KILLER. THE CLOWN'S TRUE NAME WAS LEROY TRUNHAM, A PRO-WRESTLER, THAT WALKED IN ON HIS WIFE, IN THE BED WITH HIS MANAGER. HE WENT CRAZY, ADN SNAPPED BOTH OF THEIR NECKS. HE LATER BEGAN DRESSING AS A CLOWN OF SORTS, AND DECAPITATING PROSTITUTES AND PIMPS WITH AN OLD MACHETE. THE REAPER KNEW A CHALLENGE LIKE THIS WOULD EVENTUALY HAPPEN, MORE OR LESS IN THIS FASHION. THE REAPER SMILED, AND LEFT HIS VICTIM'S HOME, AND HEADED INTO THE ALLEYS, TO FIND HIS CHALLENGER, AND PROVE WHO WAS THE BETTER.

Copyright 2008 jake
Keyword: MURDER
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Comments (7)
Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-05-26 19:46:44
....

hmmm pretty graphic and dark. i like the accompanying picture. but yea i thought this was alright. i'll be looking for the next part.
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Posted by lemon
2008-05-26 22:03:47
....

I think the core idea you have here for the story is good, but I have a few suggestions. First, it would help make the story a little easier to read if you used a spell check so that incorrectly spelled words don't detract from the story. Also, I think you have way too much going on all at once. It might be good to break up your information with paragraphs and such.

Good story line though :)
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Posted by Something Indecent
2008-05-29 15:59:39
....

I agree with Lemon. You should break it up a bit. But it was grabbing. You could read the letter to us as well. I think that would be interesting. Looking forward to more killings.
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Posted by Hodders
2008-05-30 10:56:52
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Very dark and graphic, I do like the style. To improve it i'd add more of the senses and also use paragraphs and indents as well as more speech but i liked it!
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Posted by pyrohottie57
2008-06-13 12:38:51
um......

For me it was hard to follow since the author was spelling words wrong. I know that might have been his way of writing but to me it was distracting.
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Posted by strawberrywino
2008-06-18 13:51:13
i can see this being a good story

if you take the time to fix it.
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Posted by Hodders
2008-06-18 14:18:48
Very graphic

You've created a very dark, unsettling atmosphere but for me the capital letters got annoying. Also a few words weren't spelled correctly.
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