Wisdom Is For The Birds

The parakeet gazed longingly out the open window from...

The People From The Sky I: Man On The Moon

THE PEOPLE FROM THE SKY PART I:...

His Favorite Chords.


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Written by Nunyo Bidness   
Sunday, 25 May 2008
Image    Midday naps hit me like a train. The record was spinning gently, and the needle paralleled this by following the grooves gracefully, and the speakers paralleled this by gently pushing music out of the speakers, without pops, without cracks, and my ears paralleled this by following notes in pattern and sinking into the music. Each second left me more in bed than the second before until I was nothing but a pile of myself, satisfied. I had just come out of a traffic jam that seemed to stretch for miles.
    I was awake now, dreaming at high noon in a conscious mind, lulled into tranquility by a sublime harmonica interrupting optimistic guitar. My eyes were dead and I didn't need them. Myself, I'd like to think I was sitting in a boxcar with two feet out of the side,on a train making its way on two unreliable, sun-warmed, ancient rails around the corner of a cliff. The ocean that I faced tried to crawl up towards me, up towards the clouds, and chased the train all the way to wherever I was going to end up. It never made it, always crushing against the rocks before rallying into another violent white movement at the crest of a deep blue, trying to pull my feet. Pines and dark dirt intertwined with jagged rocks painted the face of the mountain on the opposite side of the ocean and the tracks. The sun was to my back, the boxcar was otherwise empty, and the train released a plume of healthy, thick and gray smoke that crawled towards the clouds lining the sky.
    An unhealthy, unnatural, devious, destructive twang from a rusty guitar that wasn't inside of my ten by ten liberating cell crawled inside under the door. It was off key and recycled. The train disappeared into the ocean, and the clouds passed me down the mountain, uplifting pine trees and dark dirt in a violent grasp, dragging them down the rigid cliff. A whirlpool began to form near the coast, pulling the rails from the ground with its own gravity and making them disappear. I had nowhere to go now. I started down the cliff but it was eroding into the whirlpool faster than I could climb down it. The guitar kept twanging unfamiliar sounds that vibrated through space like car bombs. The last majestic, tall, proud pine tree swirled down the whirlpool. The only things left were the white walls of my room, and the needle riding the grooves, desperately trying to compete with the heretical chords that yodeled into my psyche.
    I was uncomfortable and broken. Ten by ten had turned back into infinity, and my foot began to start softly preparing the brake. It was my dad. Commercial breaks were muted and replaced with bits from songs he knew and bits from songs he created like bastard children. Effortless destruction echoed from those strings.
    I pulled the needle off and the record slowed down. The groove in my bed filled and my eyes adjusted to the light from outside. That twanging, echoing, vicious guitar filled a mind soaking in revenge.
    I opened my door and walked down the hallway. Sure enough, dad was back in his chair. There was a glass of tea waiting on the table next to him and his hair was a Saturday untended. The guitar, a light brown from the 70's, was in his lap, twanging away, filling the room. His eyes were closed and sunk into the recliner. Baseball glowed from the television, and the Dodgers were up by three in the fifth inning. Shadow crept from his cheeks and chin and upper lip. He stuttered from one old blues tune that he played often to something unfamiliar and improvised like a rickety bridge. His fingers hit the strings and sent what he wanted out with a light, unintended smile.
    I stood at the end of the hallway and he didn't notice me. He didn't appear to be able to. I walked away. I washed my hands and my face to snap out of the morning that the nap-record-mind coalition had invented. Tranquility never had company. Tranquility was a selfish number, like skipping church or leaving a friend out of a Friday night. Attaining it was a most human goal. Keeping it for myself was just plain selfish.


Copyright 2008 Nunyo Bidness
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Comments (14)
Posted by d.dasgupta
2008-05-27 01:43:06
....

Similes I liked. 'songs he created like bastard children' and 'improvised like a rickety bridge'.

A forceful sentence: 'Tranquility never had company.'

Felt uncomfortable by sentence 'Myself, I'd like to think I was sitting ...' I mean the word 'Myself' at the beginning of the sentence, followed by "I'd". I am not suggesting it is incorrect usage. I am not sure, that's all.

The personification of 'tranquility' was superbly done. A tale full of human warmth.
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Posted by d.dasgupta
2008-05-27 01:47:22
Missed the article, sorry

Sorry.

Felt uncomfortable by the sentence. The article was missing.
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Posted by Dirkin
2008-05-27 02:01:33
....

One thing I have always personally believed about writing is that there should never be more than one

'and-the's' in a single sentence:

"The record was spinning gently, and the needle paralleled this by following the grooves gracefully, and the speakers paralleled this by gently pushing music out of the speakers, without pops, without cracks, and my ears paralleled this by following notes in pattern and sinking into the music"

I realise this is a narrative and people do talk like this, but find other words to use than and-the, it makes it read smoother: "while my ears parralelled this... as the speakers...

you use some really poetic descriptives, making this narrative sound in my head like a set of lyrics.

I admit I'm unsure of the story, if any, this seems like a reflection on a fleeting moment. Enjoyable.
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Posted by garyowen
2008-05-27 03:08:49
....

'If all these maxim's make a rule, then lump all te'gither

The rigid rightious is a fool the rigid wise a'nither' (Robert Burns)

The piece did it for me. I was moved by your capture of the moment. B minor no doubt, my favourite chord. The time signature I'm not sure about.
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Posted by alfred
2008-05-27 14:26:10
ok

To be fair, most of your stories to me make hardly any sense. I read the very first sentence and already I have a problem with it.

A midday naps hits me like a train...are you jolted into a nap? and then you go off about some record...just seems off balanced... the opening paragraph.

But I did say I would be fair, I agree with one of the commenters(is that a word)that your discriptions of things are very poetic in nature. I love simple stories about nothing, I say that respectivly. Like I said earlier,,I dont really understand your stories but I believe I do this one...and its not bad,,,just needs a little tweeking here and there.
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Posted by philneale1952
2008-05-28 03:47:39
His Favourite Chords

I disagree with the previous review. From experience with my own son I can see things from the other side of the mirror to the author.

Sudden awakening IS a jolt, and the imagery in the story accurately reflects that. Also, the repetition of the 'ands' are perfectly aligned with what the writer is trying to convey (I think).

His father's strumming away at the guitar as the tool of his interrupted sleep conjures up in my mind a 'grating' against the cotton wool world of somnolescence.

The story, albeit neccessarily brief, is a good one.
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Posted by JJtyler
2008-05-28 22:03:43
I took this and made it personal.

I took this and made it mine. I saw this as a symbol for having dreams for yourself, and how those dreams can be put on hold for the family/fate/circumstances out of our control, who may have a different tune for our lives. Here that is represented by the father.

Good freaking read.
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Posted by CELL
2008-05-29 09:44:56
....

The rude (though totally justified) person that wrote the following comment was me:

I really shouldn't have read the comments before posting my own (but I'll try to ignore the voices in my head).

Ahh, I didn't like this. It was insipid. Bland. And above all unoriginal (especially for your potential). Though I understand the trademark sentence structure (as in the 2nd sentence), it was horrid; it left a bad taste in my mouth. This person was daydreaming and the best you could come up with was some overrated scenery of the wilderness? Oh, and when his half-conscious excursion comes to a close a "whirlpool" (hmm, haven't heard of THAT before...) sucks in the painted landscape to a blank; what is this, The Poltergeist?
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Posted by sTiCkFiGuRe
2008-05-30 07:31:45
....

I agree with cell...I really liked this!!
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Posted by strawberrywino
2008-06-12 02:44:05
i guess it's above my head

Using paralleled three times in the 1st paragraph lost my interest. I stopped reading at the 3rd paragraph cause I don’t get it.
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Posted by D.A. Ross
2008-06-12 14:51:13
RE: his favorite chords

First off i would like to say that too many metaphores take away from a strong story, and in this case it did exactly that. The idea is strong, music and emotion have always been good team mates.The connection with the music is clear. His connection with his father is not.
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Posted by nick711
2008-06-20 10:21:50
Wow.

I assume you are already very happy with all the intelligent reviews before mine but I want to let you know that I really enjoyed this, it painted a picture of that landscape and this story really put me to peace. Very relaxing, very gentle, not egotistic at all. I look forward to reading more of your works. Keep it up!
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Posted by Ken Simm
2008-06-24 09:14:45
....

I found this very visual strangely enough for a story primarily about music. A very flowing number that one catches by using our own experience.
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Posted by harmattan
2008-08-13 12:29:00
....

Nothing wrong with repetion, even of the same word applied a few times. Shakespeare and Milton both did it.

Nothing wrong with repetition.

I liked the way the music in the house formed a bond between the two generations without either of them knowing or appreciating it.

Nothing wrong with repetition.

Unless it is Meatloaf's "I would do anything for love".

Kind regards.

Harmattan
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