"ha i never expected this." "what?" "vibrance at this age" "you feel it too?" he nods in return, eyes closed, in realizing the guilt has passed. "is it like this always?" "no." "i never expected it to come" "nobody does" "it was worth it" "was it" "well..." "your still young" "thanks" "you really are" "the harm & hate ages rough" "yeah i know"-"you haven't lost" "no i haven't..." "you lost haven't you?" "long ago in fact" "why is it like this?" "well i-i guess i expected to be happy by now" "you expected alot" "just enough" "love?" "of course" "did it go?" "it still hasn't" "whoever it is or was is still present?" "a friend actually" "well..." "taken" "gone?" "i guess not" "bothered?" "always have been" "will you try?" "im a coward" "would it hurt?" "yes"-"both of us" "she doesn't feel the same?" "she feels absence of pain or joy about me" "...?" "who am i to ruin her happiness?" "you wouldn't" "i'm an obstacle, she happy with another soul" "is this your reason?" "what?" "you care too much?" "i care enough" "what about yourself?" "**** me" "you really feel that?" "i would be no good, she doesn't need to fake herself" "what if she wasn't by the end? even now?" "i doubt it" "you'll mish you chance like this" "i'll miss seeing her smile if im wrong" "..." "you should see her laugh, her joy whenshe talks about him. her love for him" "you hurting yourself" "i deserve it" "you know you don't" "who am i?" "your emotions are clear" "what?" "i feel your essence, being" "does it matter?" "you'd happy with her?" "of course" "but you'll be well with her happiness?" "that's all that matters to me" "do you make her happy?" "we laugh and kid around. we talk openly. our eyes meet with smiles" "a yes?" "yes" "when does it hurt?" "away, alone, when i think about how fragile it is" "what is?" "the reality of my chances, the odds" "it's not much of a situation to put dependence on odds is it?" "yeah i guess not" "why did you say you felt vibrance?" "well...it all clicked for the instance" "clicked? what clicked?" "the perfect balance of reality & self-doubt, i realized my answers led only to more problems to problems, then answers to problems. an ever growing/falling domino effect if that makes sense..." "you sounded happy" "i was ready" "for what?" "death-to die" "would you kill yourself?" "...honestly...yes. i would. i may" "for what?" "simplicity, an end to all this complicated nose. a means of simplicity to an eternal end." "but she'd be hurt wouldn't you think?" "she'd forget. im not her answer...i've never been anyone's" "you don't care? selfishness?" "only i'd lose something-no not even then. i'll eventually break, confess, she'll know. even if we were together, what then? im not selfish." "your not only talking about her are you?" "there are so many fears, conflicts to avoid, injustices" "such as" "well have you seen the happy bastards?! the well-rounded perverts destroying others, being better off, having the backing of a crowd." "they don't reflect who you are. you've been happy without resorting to distortion of you own person right? you've had the best intentions. and you've found a reason to worry, care, wish all in another being." "there's better than me right?" "when it comes to living your own reality? no, there's nobody who'll ever be as perfect as you are for the job"  "do you respect me?" "i love you" "hehe so do i" "you love yourself?" "someday i'll figure out how to. why's it so hard to love yourself while it's so easy for you?" "because i'll never know you like you do" "maybe you should be advised by the fact tat i don't even like myself." "i'll wait. eventually you'll prove me right & everyone that loves yourself as well. even her" "she's never wrong. i love her, i'll wait." he nods in return, eyes closed, in realizing the guilt has passed.