Moonbeams and starlight

Dance overhead

Comets and planets

Of green, blue, and red

Bright light then takes over

Now clouds all around

Feelings of falling

Falling down to the ground

My focus is blurry

My hearing-there's none

My mouth is all dry

I can't feel my tongue

My head is now pounding

My pride has been scarred

The first thing I think of

Is "Damn she hits hard"

Keyword: knocked out

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Comments (15)

Posted by resistanceisfreedom 2008-05-23 18:48:09 .... interesting how you went into detail describing just a single slap in the face. this was good. + Report this comment
Posted by C.R. Vard 2008-05-24 19:47:59 .... nicely written, certianly can relaete to this one + Report this comment
Posted by b.k. 2008-05-26 08:44:19 .... good poem...one of the few on here that are more humorous than serious + Report this comment
Posted by Dirkin 2008-05-27 00:30:05 .... wonder what he did to deserve it? ouch + Report this comment
Posted by topsyturvywords 2008-05-27 10:34:27 .... cool :) the words simply describes how hard it's been hit. + Report this comment
Posted by philneale1952 2008-05-30 03:08:38 Ouch This one hit me square on the funny bone. Phil + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-06-18 20:18:04 .... Awesome. I love poetry that's funny and not depressing! Nice piece. :) + Report this comment
Posted by slavetolove 2008-07-02 20:15:25 Okay good poem a little too cartoon for me though + Report this comment
Posted by r.e.potter 2008-07-02 20:22:10 son of a B*** So u kno my wife. This was funny and rhymingly good. Hey, just made up a word. Didn't agree with it being to cartoonish. I had a poem on here that was light hearted too....maybe ill repost. + Report this comment
Posted by flossy 2008-07-03 14:36:07 .... Lol.I love it.Youre quite the writer.Always get a good story or poem from you.He should of bought you flowers, that would of quietened you down.Women are silly like that(lol).5 stars Miss Lily. + Report this comment
Posted by jesse2008 2008-07-04 23:27:53 Oh Lemon Nice, very nice. You've out did yourself in the 3-way forum, now in poetry DAMN YOU LEMON, those you talent know no bound. Keep up the good work. + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-07-04 23:30:46 I liked this! I'm glad I saw this on the recently commented list, because this brought a smile to my face. the end made me snort out a laugh like a pig lol. Really, really, good stuff you have here. + Report this comment
Posted by lemon 2008-07-04 23:35:33 .... thanks for the comments.. lol this was written in like 15 minutes and it just kind of came out of nowhere. I'm glad it made for some giggles =] + Report this comment
Posted by Tarhead Mugwump 2008-07-30 23:09:52 poetry usually makes me dizzy - what with all the metaphors, and analogies, and the "gotta figure out what it means" embedded in them. this one works like a straight out slap in the face! write on! + Report this comment
Posted by Pilgrim 2008-09-05 16:28:06 .... I thought I had read this one before so I kept skipping over it. Anyway, you surprised me at the end. I was thinking you were getting universal beauty on me then POW, you hit me hard. Good job. + Report this comment

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