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Jen the Pirate |
| Written by Kathy | |
| Tuesday, 20 May 2008 | |
"Argh matey!! Tie down the hatches!" said Jen to her blind first mate.
"Rwack! Shannon wants a squirrel! Shannon wants a Squirrel!"
"Shut up Shannon, you stupid parrot bird thing before I threaten you with chapstick!" said Jen rather threateningly with her cool eye patch.
"Sex waffles?" questioned the Shannon parrot.
Jen ignored her beloved parrot and continued to give orders to her crew in order to save her precious ship from the mighty and fierce storm. Off in the distance a ship was heading towards her.
"It's a British merchant ship captain! It carries the cargo we need!" yelled the one legged look out man.....type........thing.
"Avast me matey's! Prepare to attack the ship!" said Captain cool patch Jen.
"Aye Aye Captain!" yelled her crew excitingly. They were maybe too excited since one of the crew mates peed themselves like a dog. Though that may actually have been the dog but my memory fails me of this particular time. Anyway to continue with my TRUE story.
Jen maneuvered her sip to be next to the British ship. "ATTACK!" commanded Jen. A huge fight commenced. There were many matrix rip offs and kung fu going on. Jen with her mega super cool eye patch of a...donkey.. was fighting the other captain of the merchant ship.
"You fight well grasshopper." Said Jen to the captain. They fought for awhile with awesome combos and flying and the like. The unnamed captain got the upper hand and stabbed Jen in the chest. Jen shocked, surprised, and a little horny stumbled back holding the deadly chest wound.
"ARGGHHH NOOOoOOOoO" wailed Jen in pain.
"The student has surpassed the master" commented the handsome captain with a cruel smirk.
Jen with a look of horror on her face fell back on the bed still clutching her chest wound.
"JENNIFER!! Time for dinner!!" shrieked her mom. Jen sighed went downstairs and had her dinner. A half hour later she came back to her room and was about to continue when her cat attacked her out of nowhere. She counterattacked her cat with chapstick and the cat ran way and lost the battle. Jen cackled and continued.. her...whatever.
"ARGGHHH NOOoOOOoO!" yelled Jen. She stumbled back as the rain was beating fiercely upon her. Amazingly she stood straight and took the sword out of her chest and was completely healed.
"The one thing you did not know my dear sir is that I am immortal....BWHAHAHAHAHA" cackled Jen. Needless to say the others were screwed.
After the battle was fought and the booty taken Captain Jen continued her journey.
"Onto the golden Banana!?" said Jen. In reality Jen got into her car and drove to the Golden Banana(a strip club). In her reality it was a long arduous journey in search of the magical golden Banana! She got to the Golden Banana. Her voyage was over. She rejoiced, wept, kissed the asphalt of the parking lot and went home to take a nap.
FIN Copyright 2008 Kathy |
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