The Adventures Of Pugswallow, Chapter 1

Pugswallow sat in a mud puddle popping bubbles and...

Dominate the House

The birth of my nephew is what brought me back to...

tHE cREATION oF tODAY


This story may contain adult content.
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Written by Carlos A. Vargas Jr.   
Monday, 19 May 2008
 There was once a fish that swam the ocean. When it reached a shore it spawned legs and walked the earth. One day it came across a bear that grabbed him and threw the fish in the air. Two days past until the fish finally hit the ground which killed it. Out came a giant troll from the pool of blood. The troll marched towards the bear to take the fish's revenge. When they met, the bear punched the troll in its belly and out came a genie from its belly button. The genie wished himself free and blew up the troll into a million pieces. The genie then turned towards the bear who acted quickly by throwing the genie into the air. The genie being so light reached the heavens where Jesus bitched slapped him back down. Now moving at an incredibly fast speed the genie crashed on top of the bear creating a giant crack in the earth and this is how the Grand Canyon was created.

 

Three days past...

The genie awoke from his coma and stepped out the Grand Canyon. He quickly noticed the bear was still alive so he blew it into a million pieces. Jesus flew down with his orange hair and blue skin. Jesus told the genie he was the king of pimps and that the genie had killed his most prized prostitute, the bear. Jesus ***** slapped the genie into a trillion pieces which immediately gathered creating the devil. The devil threw Jesus back in to the heavens. While in the air Jesus' sandal fell and hit the devil who fell into the Grand Canyon falling through to the center of the earth. This is the creation of hell and the devil.

 

Three days past...

Jesus created 1,000 Monkeys to roam the earth. The devil countered by removing most of the monkey's hair and standing them up right. Jesus cried in which out came father time from his tears who kicked him to act more like a man. Jesus angrily ***** slaps father time who turned into god. God, happy to have been created, adopted Jesus who was still crying because of what the devil did to his creatures. God then makes it better by giving the hairless monkeys penises and vaginas. The hairless monkeys immediately discover sex and thus began the biggest orgy in the history. Years past by and the world was populated to above six billion people. The devil than gave the planet nine hundred million penises. And, one night a woman, who wore a skirt with no under wear, fell to the ground and thus the world's buildings were erected. This is the creation of today.



Copyright 2008 Carlos A. Vargas Jr.
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Comments (3)
Posted by Jester
2008-05-19 16:17:00
Yeah...

If you find this funny, good.

If you find this insulting, sorry.

If you find this immature, maybe.

I challenge all authors to create an alternative story of randomness and unlikelyness(not a word) for an explanation of how world or anything was created.

FEEDBACK!!! thankyou
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Posted by nick711
2008-05-19 16:44:26
....

wow. the only part that i found funny was the part with the woman falling. thats clever.
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-05-19 18:18:46
....

hmm for some reason i don't think this is an accurate presentation of how today was created. yea, i really didn't find this funny at all. Maybe if i were 7 years younger, but not now.
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