Everyone hates Mondays, but we had a reason to hate Mondays even more than most people. I went to the classic Catholic school, the type of Catholic school that is complete with a cafagymatorium. Every single Monday one of the priests from the parish would come in to give us a dreary speech about religion followed by the classic game of stump the priest.

            Stump the priest reminded me of a sort of blackjack for religion because the odds were tilted in favor of the dealer, or in this case the priest. The rules were the priest asked you a question and then you got to ask him a question. If you got his question wrong then he got to eat a donut, pizza, or whatever it was that week. If you got it right, you'd advanced to the second round, where you asked him a question. Then if he got the question wrong then you'd get the food, but if he got it right then he'd get it. The questions could be on anything in the world, so he'd come up with the most absurd questions. Like I said, the odds were against us. He usually ended up eating the whole box of pizza or donuts all by himself. I personally think that it was a reason to break the diet that he was always on.

            But there was one time when one of us kids did stump the priest. It was just another Monday and I remember it so clearly. He had just given us one of the most contradicting speeches ever. He told us that when we were legally able to vote, then we had to vote in the election or else we would go to hell. He claimed that if we didn't vote in the election then we'd be committing the sin of sloth, or laziness, which is one of the deadly sins. However if we voted for candidate #1(at the time it was Kerry), we would also go to hell because he was for abortion. Candidate #2 (Bush) was for the death penalty so if we voted for him then we also would be going to hell. In theory, this means that everyone over the age of eighteen living in the United States in 2004 would go to hell. So one kid asked, "If we vote for Bush or Kerry then we're going to hell and if we don't vote at all then we go to hell. Who are we suppose to vote for then?"

            Instead of giving us an answer to this question, the priest just repeated what he had just said. By the time that he had finished explaining this to us for the second time, it was time for stump the priest. It was the usual, he asked really had questions normally on religion. Then the smartest girl in the class raised her hand. We secretly smiled to ourselves as he called on her. We knew that she would get his question right; she was a genius. As we expected, she answered the question right and was the only person in a while who got to advance to the next round. We held our breath as she asked the question; to us this was more than just a game.

            "What famous singer just got married last week and then decided to get a divorce within a few days?" she asked.

            "How am I suppose to know that? That question isn't good; clearly she's a bad role model for you kids. You shouldn't even know this stuff..." he said as he dragged on to another speech. By the time he finished that one there was only enough time for one more question. The boy who asked the question about the politics earlier raised his hand. The priest had gotten quite cocky and decided to ask him an easy question. The boy in my class got it right and he advanced to the next round. We all waited in eager anticipation for him to ask a question; we prayed that it would be some intelligent question that the priest wouldn't get.

            "What is my name?" the boy asked. Now everyone in my class was quite disappointed in this question. All of us knew that his name was Joe and that it was a common name so it was easy to remember. Surely the priest would know the answer.

            After a long pause the priest tried guessing a few names. He then admitted that he didn't know. Joe happily went up and got a donut out of the box. We all watched in envy as he ate the donut. He would go down as a legend of the school, as the kid who had stumped the priest. It was one Monday that we would never forget.    

Keyword: monday religion politics school

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Comments (16)

Posted by Dirkin 2008-05-18 19:47:11 .... Memories of high school, simpler times. This story was fun, but it makes me think of priests or at least that particular priest as being small minded in his beliefs about hell and sin. I liked the question that stumped him, how funny + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-05-21 14:33:07 .... That was a nice light hearted story. I almost expected the question to be "Who are you going to vote for?" But the name one was even better. I liked it very much. 5 stars. + Report this comment
Posted by ams 2008-05-26 12:01:48 .... Thanks so much for the comments! I have nothing against priets as a whole, it was just generally this priest who i didn't agree with because he always saw things as black and white. i was soo happy that you found it entertaining i was afraid that people wouldn't see the humor in it + Report this comment
Posted by strawberrywino 2008-06-16 19:09:08 ...... good story + Report this comment
Posted by Zombie Punk 2008-07-01 13:31:59 This was really good! I thought this story was really funny and you did a superb job with the preist's character. What was the answer to the singer question? The 'What's my name?' question was hilarious because i remember this one teacher always thought my name was Wendell for some weird reason and it brought back memories. Great job, funny as hell. + Report this comment
Posted by flossy 2008-07-01 13:34:46 .... Gotta agree with the punkster.Good story.Most of my sundays are like that.Some cocky old guy trying to tell me how to live.Well done on the story. + Report this comment
Posted by ams 2008-07-01 19:54:03 .... thanks for reading! im glad that you enjoyed it. the singer was Brittney Spears. it was about her first marriage, not the one to K fed. i think that this story occured in 2003 but i could be wrong, maybe it was 2004, idk. + Report this comment
Posted by eternalsunshine 2008-07-30 13:04:13 .... I thought this was a great story, the leading up to the end was very good, but I think the writing itself was a little sloppy. Specifically, here: It was the usual, he asked really had questions normally on religion. or, in the line before saying, instead : Instead of giving us an answer to the question, the priest repeated what he had just said. By the time he had finished explaining, it was time for Stump the Priest. + Report this comment
Posted by ams 2008-07-30 21:01:26 .... it's funny that you said the first line, because i was showing this story to a friend earlier today and i reread the whole story. when i got to that line i was like, 'ohh i gotta fix that' but i never got around to doing it. also the "had" is suppose to be "hard." but im going to fix that. + Report this comment
Posted by Dr Lucifer 2008-07-31 09:57:54 Liked It I really liked this story. For one thing, it was unique. It grabbed me right away and kept me throughout. The only thing that got me was how simple it was to stump the priest. + Report this comment
Posted by Edmethod0 2008-07-31 16:31:06 Loved it! I think it was really good too! + Report this comment
Posted by Tarhead Mugwump 2008-08-01 21:13:33 well i think i totally agree with wendell, that was pretty good. the only thing it lacked for me was the dreary classroom setting... great ending though, + Report this comment
Posted by garyowen 2008-08-02 02:53:17 .... I thought only american cops got to eat doughnuts; preists as well? gee... i'm going to have to re-ivalueate 'not a spelling mistake' my career path. I liked your story very much. it was nicely told. + Report this comment
Posted by Xena 2008-08-07 17:57:28 eh.. mehhaa! not bad not bad.. WAS this true? seemed like more loosely true then hard true... like conflicting stuff... if this girl was such a genius and everybody knew she was gonna get it right, why was the priest always winning? why doesnt she just go every time? answer me that miss smarty priest?... and another note... did anybody else think there was gonna be a raping in this story? Like the loser of stumped the priest.. well never mind... but anyways.. in retrospect you gotta admit this is a cool priest... no raping, eats doughnuts and pizza he stole from teenage hoodlums... and he speaks the truth.. your damned if you do your damned if you dont.. this years preliminararies was the first time to vote for me.. we went to the our schools gym to vote... but left after the old people in front of us took too long to fill out their forms... not blaming the old people for my damnation either, I just didnt wanna wait and fill out forms. im going to hell, and im fine with that. i like this priest + Report this comment
Posted by Xena 2008-08-07 18:03:03 ps not sure on who to vote for this coming election? vote obama... the historical weight alone is enough... and he couldnt be worst than busch... and if you dont youre a racist.. plain and simple... and dont try to deny it, you racist... + Report this comment
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