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Elron |
| Written by SHOtime | |
| Thursday, 15 May 2008 | |
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Share it:      Behold! I have returned. Fear not! What you are experiencing now is in fact real. I am by no means a hallucination; my presence before you has nothing to do with the vast quantities of Robotussin you have just consumed. In fact I am here to bring you some important news. As an A-List Hollywood actor you are of great use to my cause, which is indeed a cause for all humanity. Now before you agree to this, I must warn you of the great hardship you will face. You will be derided, mocked, emasculated, reduced to a mere fodder to rekindle burned-out comedy shows. But those who do so are fools, and they deserve your pity, not your anger. While they look down upon you from their corporate prisons, denouncing you for falling to some "vicious and dangerous cult that masquerades as a religion", you will be well on your way to becoming an Operating Thetan. For you see my friend, I am here to proclaim to you the virtues of Scientology, a new faith for the ages, one that will open your mind to mankind's true potential, a goal that all can hope to achieve for the right price. Oh, about the money? I know that look, well, I assure you, the Church of Scientology is not a corrupt institution that preys on the stupidly rich, think of you small donation as a contribution to world peace, or something... Hey! Since you are so important to the future of the Faith, I'll even give you some insight into the highest plane of knowledge, while most would be thoroughly unprepared at this point to receive this information, you seem...uniquely qualified, so I will give you a teaser, The story of Scientology is as old as time itself. It was revealed to me some forty odd years ago, while I was a struggling naval officer. Up until this point, my life had been one without meaning. True, I was the youngest Eagle Scout in history, sunk a flotilla of Japanese Warships, and cured Polio, but spiritually I was empty. So after the war, when I was discharged from the Navy following my Homeric assault on some remote, Mexican Island, I began to travel the world to fill this void in my life. For years I ventured through the east, participating in the secret rituals of obscure Buddhist sects that only I know about. It was through these countless years of meditation that the truth was revealed to me. It came all at once. Xemu. Alien souls trapped in volcanoes. Hydrogen bombs. DC9s. As the images flashed through my mind, I quickly jotted them down. Apparently at one time the Universe was united under the banner of a single Empire, ruled with an Iron fist by the oppressive despot, Zenu. Xenu, who was at odds with a large segment of his population stole their souls and imprisoned them on Earth, at that time referred to as Eith. He then tried to destroy their souls, or Thetans, but since you can't destroy Thetans, they were in fact spread throughout the planet, and were trapped inside the bodies of primitive animal life, which gained consciousness and evolved into humans. They have been entombed there ever since. The following morning, when my hangover had cleared, I became aware of the great burden that was placed upon me. For now, it would be my job to free those trapped Thetans. No longer was I a mere mortal, but a transcended being, who would found the one and only true Religion. Dianetics, it was called, and for years I struggled, writing science fiction in order to finance the foundation of the Institution which would bring this proverbial torch to an ignorant mankind. That institution would be known to the Ages as the Church of Scientology. It would be here that man could go to awaken his inner Thetan, and become a truly free and enlightened being. Well, this is where I must leave you. If you want more information feel free to visit your local Scientology Clinic for a screening, regularly a $300 value, but now you have a once in a lifetime chance to get your Thetan read for only $49.99 at my specially reduced "I-Saw-The-Founder-In-a-Vision" price. Act now and I'll even throw in a free fanny pack, finely crafted from the sweat and blood of Chinese children, with the Church of Scientology Logo boldly emblazoned on its front to spread the Word in style. *********************************************************************************** *I wrote this for English class last year as a "Dramatic Monologue". I was going through some of my older works and thought I'd post some of the more memorable ones. Feel free to leave some feedback/criticisms as I'm always interested in finding new ways to improve my writing.* Copyright 2008 SHOtime |
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