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Do you ever play any games while you're driving?This story may contain adult content. |
| Written by Jason Haugh | |
| Thursday, 15 May 2008 | |
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Hey Lester do you ever play any games while you're driving? What're you talking about games? You know, steering with your chin, splashing water on people, trying to come as close to a kid as you can without hitting him you know stuff like that. Wait Daryl are you saying that you're juvenile enough to splash water on people when there're puddles on the street? Well I wasn't directly talking about that one but yeah so what if I'm juvenile. I'm only twenty for God's sakes. You know I hope that someday when you're walking down the street and the cold wind is pressing down on you as you're making your way to a gas station because your car is ****** that some douche like you splashes you with water and chunks of mud embedded in concrete cutting your skin, slicing your left eye, drenching you in filth, and stealing any pockets of warmth you might have had inside your coat. Then as you walk half blind into the wind that seers your skin like fire a second car drenches you. And this time around along with the chunks of mud you find a syringe stuck inside your neck. Congratulations Daryl because you've just gotten AIDS. And as you continue to walk/ Jesus Christ Lester you need to get a hold of yourself! If it makes you feel any better I won't splash another person for the rest of my life I swear to God. Well alright I just wanted you to know that splashing isn't cool. I see your point..........................so I hit kid. What!? It wasn't totally all my fault. He jumped in the wrong direction at the worst possible moment. There were shrubs all on the left side of my car and we were getting up to a tree. And? And there was like nothing but road and flat surfaces on the right so you tell me; I'm chasing you with my car. It was bound to happen. And I'm right behind you. Frightening. Which direction do you go so I don't kill you? Which direction is the police station? You go left Lester you go left. Alright so I go left. This kid went right! He went right? Yes he went right! Well what happened to him? I hit him with my car. No **** I mean where did he end up? Under my tire. UNDER YOUR TIRE!? FOR HOW LONG?! Now just hold on I knew while I was still moving that he was under there. So instead of going straight and crushing his face I turned left. That unfortunately broke a few ribs. Ouch. Was he ok? I mean, he's not dead is he? You're not like connecting me to a hit and run are you? Settle down man I didn't kill him. I just crushed a few parts of his right leg, fractured his pelvis, and sent him into shock. Wow that sucks........... Yeah I mean I can't believe he turned right! Talk about having bad survival skills. Wait so how is it that you're not in jail right now for running over a little kid? Well I took advantage of him being in shock and told the cops that he just burst out of the bushes with no warning. It was all I could do not to kill him. So after spending a little time at the police station and promising not to leave town they turned me loose. You know some kids just need to be supervised more than others. You hit him with your car. I hit him with a lesson. Your lesson was eight hundred pounds and made of aluminum steel. Yeah well if survival was safe we'd all be hitting kids with our cars. What does that mean? I'm not quite sure..... Copyright 2008 Jason Haugh |
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| Last Updated ( Thursday, 15 May 2008 ) |
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