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Gabe & Dianne (chapter 1)


This story may contain adult content.
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Written by joshua herrington   
Tuesday, 13 May 2008
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Quietly and nervously Gabe quickly downed his vodka and coke sitting on the bed against the wall. Watching everyone else in the room Dan, Paul (his brother), Steven, Keith and Carissa socially converse with one another. He drank his fast because he was not usually a outgoing person, but when he had a few vodka and cokes he was able to let his self come out more, liquid courage. Everyone in the room has already known each other. He was recently introduced by his younger brother Paul. Gabe was in a relationship prior for a long and agonizing year and ahalf.Two months ago they broke up. It was long and over-do. The constant fighting, arguing in public, and delusions of one another cheating every time one of them was away from each other for more than a few hours. It was long over-do. Since then he has been going to parties with his brother. Sleeping with the odd girl here and their. This was his plan nothing more. No serious relationships just casual sex and parties it's what he needed to relax and get the bitter memory of his previous relationship out of his mind. Unannounced Gabe got up from his seat on the bed which he had comfortably been keeping himself from getting too involved with anybody. Went to his bag and grabbed his journal sat down opened it up and started to write.

TEN THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE!

1. go overseas to vacation or to teach

2. Learn how to play the guitar

3. Sky dive

"Hey what are you doing?"Carissa asked curiously.

Gabbed looked up surprised" I'm writing ten things to do before I die!"

"What? Seriously? "She asked looking directly at him.

"Yeah! "She took a quick glance around the room at everyone else then back to him.

 "That's a great ******* idea!" Gabe relieved said

"yeah so far I got go overseas, learn how to play guitar, and skydive!" Carissa studied his face as they looked at each other and said with a comforting cheer to Gabe

"you know what give that thing here?!" Gabe was a little reluctant because in previous entries he has a few embarrassing poems about his heart break from his past relationship. But he gave it to her anyways it was just a paranoid thought. She grabbed the book and pencil then scribbled something inside? Smiled, looked up at him and handed the book back to Gabe.

4. Get drunk with Carissa =)!!

"Get drunk with Carissa! " Gabe laughed.

"Okay it's a deal! "He smiled, clicked glasses together and both of them finished the rest of what they had in their cups in one large gulp. They both laughed and cheered.

" Hey Gabe!" Keith shouted "you know what you should put in your ten things to do before you die list! Sleep with twins man!" he thought it was a riot and laughed his dumb laugh it was a cross between some kind of hillbilly yokel and a forced "ha! Ha!" Gabe laughed! Not at his idea but his laugh and put the suggestion in just to amuse him. Gabe did think it was a good idea and would consider it actually as a fantasy.

5. Sleep with twins

Then Steven the dopiest of the group who never really had anything relevant or clever to say suggested "how about rob a bank!?"

6. Rob a bank

Keith still going on about his idea in the background not really directed to anyone specifically

"man I would ******* give it to both them girls! So ******* good! Neither one of them would know what hit them!"

finishing with his same stupid laugh. Everybody laughed at just how stupid it came out!

"You know what that's one of the greatest ideas I've heard in awhile'' Carissa told Gabe

"I'm gonna make up one of those when I get home tomorrow!"

"Yeah I don't know why I guess even a idiot like myself can have a moment of genius every now and then!" they both laughed knowing it wasn't really anything brilliant just something kind of fun and stupid at the moment. The night was still young but getting late for the group of half tanked teens willing to do anything for some change of scene. Then Carissa gets a phone call.

"Kay well my friend says there's a party on the other side of the river valley we just have to go meet here on Whyte ave!" "Does anyone have cab fair?" everyone looked at each other and said in their own way they didn't. Gabe suggested

"Well let's just walk there were ten minutes from the river and it's only a few minutes across?" the only one who really knew that part of the city they were in. It was after all his house, technically. His mother had rented it out but went back to live with her boyfriend and left the place to him and his brother. Gabe and Carissa walked together while the boys had been a few meters ahead goofing off with each other while walking across the bridge of the river.

"You know I've always noticed you looking at me!" Carissa said to Gabe with a sense of pride in her voice.

"Um...what do you mean?" shocked at what he just heard. They've only been to a few parties together and she was always with his brother.

"Ah... don't be shy! I saw you checking me out!"She said while linking arms with him walking together.

"Uh... well I guess I have but I never really thought much about it! You're always with my brother! You know!"

"Yeah so?"

 Gabe didn't know exactly what to say. That's when in the midst of their silence she stopped looked up at him pulled his face closer to hers and gave Gabe a long unexpected kiss. They went back to walking across the bridge together linking arms. Carissa had a pleased smile on her face. Gabe didn't really know how to react the kiss happened it wasn't expected and he wasn't sure how he felt about the meaningful kiss he barely knew her.



Copyright 2008 joshua herrington
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Comments (14)
Posted by Something Indecent
2008-05-13 13:27:58
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2 out of 5
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Posted by Something Indecent
2008-05-13 13:33:39
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Entertaining story. I think you need a better ending and to rewrite some of it to make a few of the sentences clearer and flow better. It was interesting though. It grabbed my attention.
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Posted by otacon420
2008-05-13 13:34:34
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will do...thx=)
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Posted by Something Indecent
2008-05-13 13:37:36
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That's weird. I didn't leave that 2 out of 5 comment. Hhhmmmm. Anyway I guess the ending doesn't matter since it's just a chapter. But still......how the hell did that first comment get there? I'm frightened.
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Posted by otacon420
2008-05-13 14:16:20
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mee tooo?
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-05-17 18:21:29
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interesting so far. good concept
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Posted by cookingWine
2008-05-20 13:38:47
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The vodka and coke is a strange drink.

You need to take a class in grammar. One piece of advice: read your story out loud to yourself and edit it like that. Where it is longwinded, look to cut sentences or break with a comma. You shouldn't have to breath again before you finish a sentence or it's too long.

Commas can alleviate that along with dividing sentences.

The dialogue was beyond cheesy. If your friends and you talk like that you need to find new friends because that is the definition of boring chatter.

Don't always start paragraphs with dialogue. It makes for a tough read.

I didn't like it. I like the idea of the ten things list but they aren't interesting things.

You need to find a way to make it yours instead of writing it for someone else, because that's the omnipresent feeling that came with it.
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Posted by Zombie Punk
2008-05-20 13:45:21
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vodka and mountain dew!
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Posted by Behind_the_Mask
2008-05-20 14:32:11
..

I have no room to complain about the chat but it was a bit dull, especially for some drunk teens, and there was nobody trying to jump from their roof to the pool.

Lol @ drunkenness

decent
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Posted by lorislittlesecret
2008-05-21 09:26:16
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Grammer and spelling. I won't make any comment about the things that were said, after all there is some reason that you put them in there, but for me it is unclear who said what where....
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Posted by d.dasgupta
2008-06-09 10:50:44
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This being only the first chapter, one need not jump to conclusions. However, I liked the disconnected conversation amongst teenagers. It's a little boring, but that is the way it often is. Even the kiss was not too much of a surprise. It happens too. I look forward to where you go from here.
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Posted by strawberrywino
2008-06-12 05:06:06
interesting

needs work like the others said though
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Posted by Xena
2008-06-22 23:32:33
wine

got it on the head... and another thing.. when that guy just decided to make a bucket list (was also cheesy) right in the middle of a party.. and everybody was like..

hey steve whatcha doin?!

makin a bucket list!

neato! Im gonna make one right when i get home!

Awsome, DAn! *gives a thumbs up*

Hey steve, maybe you should put, kiss 3 mega babes at once!

OHH glen!...

was that all a joke? was this story a joke? i dont know man.. this just sounds like a script from a bad 70's anti alcohol/sex film for schools.. but thats just me
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Posted by otacon420
2008-06-22 23:36:55
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damn thats the best review i got for this shit story really made me laugh
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 20 May 2008 )
 
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