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Why Do I Still Love Him |
| Written by Rowena | |
| Monday, 12 May 2008 | |
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Share it:      January 5th, Saturday 2008. I was busy recalling all the stuff I had done 5 years back with him. I was not aware that his dad was taking his final breath in the hospital. None of his family knew my contact thus I was not aware what was happening. Few days later I read the paper and discover that his dad had passed away. I quickly call my friend and get his cousins number. I called him with lots of guilt and shame. "How are you, he said happily?" "Sorry to hear about papa's dead, I said with guilt." "Don't worry about him. He was sickly and he was suffering a lot and above all he was missing his son too much." "Yea, his son. On 31st January it will be 5 years that he would be gone. Can I ask you for something?" "Sure, he said and I could feel some sort of assurance in his voice. "Can I please have the DUD you guys made of his funeral?" "It's not with me. It's with his wife. You don't worry I will some how get that and I will send a copy to you." "When is papa's funeral, I asked him?" "We having everything from our place as no one is there to do stuff at his place. Remember and how can you forget, his son died five years ago because he loved you too much." I was so happy; though I didn't have the CD on hand I had some sort of satisfaction within me, but that particular week I was all stressed up. Why didn't I just go and see him that particular morning. He would have been still alive and today and his father would have had a better funeral service. I was just loosing my head, as everything happened that day kept flashing back to me. We loved each other so much. We were playing with fire and we knew the ending would be horrible but never in my worst dream I thought that one of us would die. Why did I drive him nuts that particular morning? All he wanted was to see me leave town the previous afternoon but it was not in his fate. I switched off my mobile as he started to say nasty stuff such as I was seeing someone else. Just minutes earlier he asked me to say, I love you, but I couldn't as I had other staff around me. He did complain, why don't you ever say that you love me and I told him laughing that he always ask me at the wrong time. That afternoon was so perfect; we were on the phone for at least 15 minutes before I left the office. We were laughing on everybody not realising that after 13 hours the whole world would be laughing at us. When he started blaming me for having affair elsewhere, I switched off my mobile. I had rice and canned fish that afternoon with butter. He had told me so many times to eat that, as it was the best food anyone could ever get. When I heard it I felt like vomiting but that Thursday afternoon I ate that and I really liked it. All I wanted to do was tell him the next day how good the food was. Early Friday morning I got up. I quickly made his lunch and got ready but I got late. I was half way to work when I got his message. Where are you, he asked? I got excited, as I knew he was looking for me. I made a plan to make him pay for the disgusting thing he said to me yesterday afternoon so I replied I was not going to work and I was at my brothers, as my husband found out about our affair. He must have reacted to this message really bad. I don't what he did but I heard from his secretary that he came back crying to the office. He called me from his office but I was busy so I told him I would call him back so he sent his secretary to check on me. When she came to my office and told me how desperate he was I called him but he was not coming to the phone. Around 9.30 I called again and she said he had some poison in his hands and he had locked the door. I still wasn't taking him seriously. Told her tell him that I am coming with his food and I should be there with 5 minutes. Within these 5 minutes he consumed a cup full of the poison. I went to his office in a cab and saw his wife pulling into the driveway. I told the taxi driver to drop me back to my work. As soon as I walked in the office I got a call from his secretary. She told me to go to the hospital, as he wanted to see me. As I walked in, I saw he was in so much pain and he was throwing up. He forwarded his hands towards me but his wife grabbed it. He vigorously shook off her hands and I grabbed his hands. I was in a state of shock, as I didn't know what to say or what to do. I asked him how much he drank and he said ¾ cup and I knew he would die. Even a teaspoon of that poison kills people and he took ¾ cup. I just stood there for few minutes and stroked his hair when he started to ask the doctors how much time he had. The doctors told me to leave the room and as I went outside his father started abusing me. I had to leave the hospital premises. I went back to his office and walked into the bathroom. The tap was still running and I closed it and stood there in shook. I collected few items he had left for me and I went back to my office. Five years later I am still thinking of what all happened that day. May 9th and I get his funeral CD? I have watched that once and I don't know how I feel or how I should react. It seems like I am only watching a movie and that he is still somewhere. I need to ask and tell him so many things but he is not even coming into my dreams. Why is he so upset with me? God knows that I was unfaithful to my husband but I loved him with all my heart was on verge of sacrificing my marriage just to be with him. I still love him very much and each night when I go to sleep I can feel he is next to me but I cannot touch him. I want to tell him how much I love and miss him but he doesn't hear me. What were you thinking that day? Were you thinking at all? Did you ever think about your daughter once? She will be 10 years in July and she misses you and talks about you every time. Did you think about me? What the world would be saying after you had gone? Why did you love so much, that you had to die for me. Have heard people saying that they can die in love but I have experienced death for the past 5 years and I wish that no one ever goes through what I am going through now and will go through the rest of my life. You told me that you never got married but I saw your wedding pictures. You said your daughter was born just within few months after your wedding but she was born two years after the wedding. You told me that you were 2 weeks younger than me but I found out that you were two years and two weeks younger than me. You were not even 26 and you died. Is that an age to commit suicide? When will you or anyone come and give me answers. Why do I know that you were cheating and lying in the brief relationship we had but I still adore. Why do I still love you so much?
PS - YOU NEED TO READ I STILL LOVE HIM TO GET THIS ONE
Copyright 2008 Rowena |
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| Last Updated ( Sunday, 18 May 2008 ) |
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