Future Letdown, Part 2

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Written by JJ Tyler
Friday, 09 May 2008

Future Letdown, Pt. 2

Babies have let us down.

While men have been creating the smaller mp3 player each year, and women have been dipping various food products into deep fryers to improve our cuisine, babies have done squat.

Babies have added nothing to the future, leaving it just as cuddly yet retro as always. They have been the most disappointing demographic according to BAN’s calculations, adding noting to the field of science, mathematics, table tennis, or the field of Laser Invention.

With all the time on their hands, they could at least invent a new brand of toasters. Possibly a toaster with feelings, which greets you each morning depending upon your mood, saying things like: “Hello sir, Another Monday, or Sweet Mama it’s Friday!”

But babies and their lack of hi-tech toaster making have been one of the causes of the Future Let down, and I’m not going to let them coo their way out of it. Instant infant results are needed.

And while we are talking about that, let’s talk robotics. How long has the Hall of Presidents been up at Disney, 20 years? And not once have the robots come to life to attack anyone or to try to attempt to become more human. Could you imagine a Robo-Lincoln as the robot that attacked America? Not only would it be scary but inspiring. Robo-Nixon would be flashing his peace signs before he gnashed his teeth on our cities power supply so that the robo presidents could attack us at dark, and Robo-Clinton could go to all the jails and free all the criminals in a sort of robotic pardoning process.

Again, I don’t mean to complain, but come on future, let’s stop living in the past.