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Lia looked forlornly at the door, behind which a thousand fake smiles and shiftless eyes mingled gregariously with the scent of roasted meat and foreign wine. A solemn sign escaped through the minute parting of her cotton-white teeth, pausing to rest on the silken surface of her lower lip before dissipating into the girl's dimly lit surroundings. The slight opening of her room door bestowed a florescent glow to the chains that hung limply from her dark pants, the fabric itself melting into the darkness of the room. Small, blue spheres that twinkled with dampness hid behind lashes that batted furiously as the pale young girl tried not to cry. She sniffled as she pushed herself back onto the bed, begrudging permission for a hot, lone tear to drip into the concave of her dimple. It seemed apparent by now that Belle would not be coming.
And that, once again, she would be spending New Year's alone.
Openly beginning to sob, Lia shakily reached for her the drawer of her night stand. Pulling it open, she rifled single-handedly through the through the papers and small knickknacks that were littered inside, but the search quickly ended in crushing disappointment. She realized the tools that had kept her sane for so long had been thrown away days ago into the trash.
"F***," She muttered in agony to herself. Her razors were gone-- and her girlfriend was, too. What an appropriate end to such a horrible year. Well, she reasoned with her heart as it let out a small, drawn-out moan, What else were you expecting? This is what happens when you trust people. They just end up screwing you over. It had been proven to her so many times by the people she had been foolish enough to share her love with that she could no longer deny it was a fact. Only idiots believe in love, she thought angrily, gripping a silken black bang in one hand. But yet, she could not help but remember how much it had seemed her newest inamorata had cared for her.
Fond memories remained implanted in the girl's mind of days where the two had lain pleasantly in fields of dew-strewn grass, and cuddled, giggling, inside dark closets that smelled of mothballs and peeling paint. Lia could still recall how eternally warm the thin, tan arms always were when they were snuggled tight around her waist, and she half-smiled as she sat there on the bed, reliving the rapture that had accompanied every moment she had spent with Belle. Ever since the day Belle had revealed her affection for her, Lia had felt like her life had never been better. Slipping her arms around herself, Lia closed her eyes and thought of the instant message that had changed her life.
Tapping hurriedly over the keyboard, Lia couldn't help but smile to herself. Belle thought she might not be straight? How cute!
"So," she typed, grinning, "for whom does this Belle toll?"
The reply came slowly, but when it appeared on the screen Lia found she had lost her breath.
"...for you.
She couldn't remember what had happened from then and now that had changed that, but something must have happened.
Belle promised she would be by her side on New Year's, and Lia knew she wasn't one to go back on her word. She hoped that the girl somehow was getting delayed, but that was impossible...Belle would have called by now, and besides she lived not more than a mile away. Something must have happened.
And the Caucasian knew, deep in the sinewy chambers where her soul resided, that the blame resided with her. She had known from the beginning that something this perfect, this undeniably beautiful, would only wither away like so many blood-red roses after time had taken its toll. Belle had simply realized, as the rest had, that she wasn't "gorgeous", she wasn't "amazing", she wasn't anything they hadn't seen before. Her few good qualities failed to balance out the innumerable amount of flaws she contained, more than a person should be allowed to have. Lia flicked out her tongue to sample a tear as she thought of the millions of things Belle had said to her that had made her cheeks flush and her heart swell. Words that entered her ears and rubbed themselves against her organs, purring softly as they tickled her insides. Even the bitter voice that resided in the back of her mind had quieted itself, if only because it knew its pessimism would have no effect. This happiness that Belle had given her warmed her bones in the winter and cooled her skin under the blazing summer sun; it ate away at the monsters that haunted her dreams, and helped her bite back at the people who taunted her in the day. It was better than the pills and the sessions and the talks; it was better than trying to believe in a fickle God.
But now the only thing blanketing her heart was this thick depression that Lia knew would not leave her ever again. It had been caught off guard for a while before, but the cloud-like blackness had grown wiser and understood exactly how to wrap itself around her until she didn't want to eat, didn't want to sleep, didn't want to cry. The only thing she wanted was for the Grim Reaper himself to rise from the emotional decay and send her swiftly on her way towards nothingness.
Nothingness, that's what she most wanted right now. If Belle was to come flying through the door right now with glittery wings of gold, grabbing onto her wrist so they could leave for an otherworldly paradise together, she would rip that angel's heart right out. Not one thing she could think of would make this better...especially when she considered the growing possibility that Belle may be spending this night with someone else. Someone far more perfect, far more divine.
She refused to admit it, even to herself, but as much as she tried she could not stop the dark little demon from escaping from her mind and diving into her heart, diffusing its melancholy message into her very essence: her Belle no longer tolled for her.
The reason she had not thrown herself out a window was now canoodling with some goddess, and she could not think of a reason as to why she was still sitting here, alive.
"I should just kill myself," She said to herself decisively.
"Why would you go and do that?" A voice from seemingly nowhere replied. "Isn't this the day to be starting over, not ending it all?"
Confused and in disbelief, Lia turned to the door to see a wavy-haired teen shyly sticking her heard through the gap. Her eyes were damp as the two made eye contact, and the tan girl mouthed, "I'm sorry," before she ran into the room and tackled the paler girl. In a brief fit of intense passion, they kissed as if the very breath of life originated behind each other's lips.
"What took you so long?" Lia demanded as they parted mouths to breathe.
"I don't know, just...things happened. My parents were just...," The older girl sighed. "You know how they are."
Lia bit her lip. She did, and she wondered why she had not thought of that in the first place. Sheepishly, she looked at the mattress as she whispered, "I thought you weren't going to come."
Belle's cupped hand forced her chin to rise, and she found herself looking directly into her girlfriend's eyes.
"Why would you ever think that?"
"I don't know, I just didn't think...that you'd want to...that you'd realized--"
"That you're perfect for me? Because yeah, babe, I did. And please...don't ever think I'm going to leave you. You don't just need me, I need you, too."
She nodded, and sighed. "Forgive me?"
Belle laughed quietly and rolled her eyes. "Did you really need to ask? But, hmm, wait...you have to promise me something."
Lia quirked her head, her curiosity piqued. "Promise you what, darling?"
"That...you don't ever forget how much I love you, and how you mean more than the world itself to me."
Blushing, Lia looked away. "You don't mean that..." She said quietly.
"Lia!" Belle reprimanded. "I do, love, I do. And you said before you'd do anything for me, right? So please, do this for me. For us."
Lia smiled. "All right. I won't, ever again. As long as you promise the same."
"All right, I will. At least this is one New Year's resolution I'll actually be able to keep. Oh, and before I forget-- it's about to be midnight."
"So?'
The older girl giggled. "So..." She nuzzled her face against Lia's. "We have to kiss. To seal the deal and all."
Giggling as well, Lia complied, pressing her plump lips against Belle's in a much more gentle manner than before.
"I love you," They both whispered to the other as the small clock on the wall ticked its way into the beginning of a new year, and the beginning of a fresh start.
As the two girls hugged wordlessly, Lia made a promise to herself as well: she would start to trust people again. If there was even one other person who was anything like Belle, then humanity couldn't possibly be all that bad.
And even if there wasn't-- even if Belle was the diamond in the mud-- that wouldn't be so bad, either.
Either way, she'd get her happy ending once and for all.
Copyright 2008 retrocious.[/sneh]
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