Madness

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Written by Brigit
Monday, 05 May 2008

Benito Giordano was my target.

He had taken my family from me, so I would take the only thing he had away from him. His life. And that wasn't even worth a damn thing.

I tracked him down to some dirty little club on the lower east side called the Gray Den. I walked right in. I couldn't believe my luck when Benny didn't even recognize me. He had killed my family, and he had no idea who I was. I lured him out of that crack house with the promise of a hit of; dare I make the pun? Crack.

I knocked him out with a beer bottle I'd picked up on the way out as soon as we cleared the threshold. He fell on his worthless face like a log. I dragged him to the back alley and tied him up with duct tape. It was while I was tying him up that I noticed the little silver band on a gold chain.

He was wearing my mother's ring around his neck. The rage was almost too much, and I thought about choking him with the chain. But I held back, and waited for him to wake.

When he came around, I was sitting cross-legged across from him. He opened his eyes, and when he saw me twirling my father's wicked-looking knife between my fingers, he pissed himself. I saw the urine running down the concrete, and sneered. I was thankful, though, that it wasn't coming my way.

"God!" I said my disgust evident in my voice. "How did you manage to kill my father?"

His Adam's apple bobbed frantically, and I smiled. It was a smile that a psychiatrist would have termed psychotic.

"I'm the last one. I'm going to do to you what you did to them. I am going to kill you. How do you like that idea, Benny? Hmm? Oh, wait. I almost forgot." I leaned down and broke the chain that held my mother's ring. I fingered the ring for a moment before slipping it on my right-hand ring finger.

"You know, I still don't know why you killed my family? I think I'll take this opportunity to find out." I pulled the tape off of his mouth.

"You fucking bitch! You damn little cunt, I'm gonna kill you! You are going to beg me for death before I'm through with you!" He sputtered. Talk about bravado. I smiled while he ranted. It even went all the way to my eyes.

He took me through all the ways that he was going to make me beg for mercy. He still didn't understand that he wasn't the one who had the power here. When he started to lose his breath, I laughed. And again, it would have been termed psychotic.

"Well, well, well . . . so you do have balls, Benny? What a surprise."

I watched him for a few more minutes, letting him sweat. He was a slimy little monkey with swarthy skin and greasy hair. I enjoyed the fact that I got to be the one to give him his just deserts. It was almost heavenly, that sense of power.

Some remote part of my brain recognized that I had crossed a line. No one should know this kind of power. This rage, this fear. Because underneath it all...the hysteria that was exposed with every smile and every laugh, and the rage that made me want to cut off his family jewels and shove them down his throat, was my own fear.

Fear that although this man was anything but innocent, his face, his voice, would haunt me. In that instant, when I looked my family's killer in the eyes, I was afraid.

Of myself. Because I knew how far I would go to avenge my family. My mother, my father, my brother. Even myself.

I looked at him, and he glowered at me. I grinned and knew that it held a hint of the madness he had created in me.

"What's wrong, Benny boy? Is it starting to get through that you aren't the big man on campus anymore? I am. Now...I want you to tell me why you killed my parents. Did my mom give you a bad grade back in elementary school that ruined your life?" I heard my voice, and it was mocking.

"Did my dad arrest you for vandalism or something like that? Hmm?" The rage was coming back, and under it was the knowledge that my father would be disappointed in me. Robbie Fawkes had been a hardcore cop. There was no gray in his world of black and white. Of right and wrong.

I was about to be very, very wrong.

"Listen, I only killed 'em cuz Trevino told me to." Benito hastened to tell me. His eyes were wide with fear and hesitation. He really wanted me to listen to him. So I did.

"He told me, ‘Benito, you know that vice cop from down the way?' I tell him, ‘Sure, Mr. Trevino. Sure I do. Everybody knows the Lieutenant.' I said. Trevino says, ‘Lieutenant Fawkes is now persona non grata in this here part of town. Take care of him'," Benito exclaimed, "So I do. ‘Course, he never said nothing about no broad being there. But, she walked in right when the lead went through your pop's forehead, so I took her out too. Two birds...one stone, you know? No hard feelings, lady. I was just doing my job. Can you blame me?"

He was smiling nervously, his forehead pouring with sweat and he licked his lips every few seconds. The damn idiot thought that lying was going to save him.

He was wrong.

I cocked my head, and pretended to consider his words. I leaned towards him, and rested the point of the blade against his stomach.

"You're a liar, Benny. You came to my house and found my mother first, and you decided to have a little fun. You raped her, with my brother upstairs. Speaking of my brother, where is he?" I saw true panic, and I increased the pressure of the knife in his stomach. "I don't know nothing 'bout no brother, lady! Swear! I don't know nothing!"

"You know where he is, Benny. I can tell." I sighed, "You're going to die, Benny. There's no way around it. What do you have to gain by lying to me?"

"Exactly!" If his hands hadn't been taped, I'm sure they would have been up in the air as a physical exclamation. "What do I get out of tellin' you a lie, lady? I get nothin' that's what. I don't know where your brother is. I swear, man, I don't know!"

Maybe he really didn‘t know. My brother was gone. I knew that, deep in my gut.

"I can understand doing your job, Benny." I heard him sigh with relief. Then he saw my eyes. And I knew they were dark with cold rage.

"But, yes... yes, I can blame you." I plunged the blade between his ribs, into his heart, and I was surprised at how little blood there was. Part of me was surprised that I'd gone through with it. I could have simply scared him so bad he shit himself, and then let him go. But I hadn't.

I'd killed him. My eyes watered, and tears ran down my face as I began to walk away. The odor was so rank; I stumbled over to the wall, and emptied the contents of my stomach.

I felt something inside me... fade, I suppose. I turned back, and I watched him as he died. I didn't feel any triumph like I had thought I would. Only emptiness and a sense of failure.

They say I had lost my mind that day. I say it was my conscience.

Copyright 2008 Brigit

Tags: Madness

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Comments (1)

Posted by resistanceisfreedom
05-05-2008 13:16,

...
hmmm interesting ending. giving this man what he deserved basically killed the girl also in a way. i would have done the same thing. but i'm not sure i would have had such a hard time afterwards like she did. good story though.

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