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...And She Dreams Of A Better Man.... |
| Written by Prithwish | |
| Monday, 28 April 2008 | |
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Share it:      Waiting, watching the clock, she practiced her speech, and what she’d tell him – the moment he stepped in the door, and went “Honey, I’m home!” ….No! No!….it’s gotta be after that…….it’s gotta be after the hug and customary kiss…..yes…..yes, it’s gotta be after that…..it’d get ugly otherwise. Almost in a delirium, she repeated the same lines over and over again in her mind, practicing in front of the mirror. It’s gotta be perfect…Oh god! Please ! Let it be perfect! Gotta explain it all to him…nice and easy….else it’d all go bad! He couldn’t take it then! No! No! It’s gotta be perfect! Her eyes fell on the clock on the wall. Shoot!! Four already!! He’s gonna be here any minute!” And she was in a state of utter panic. No! Ohmygod….! Nothing’s done…nothing! What should I say? How should I say it? How do I break it to him? How…? Oh god….oh god!” And at that moment, he heard the screeching of tires outside. He was home. Tell him, tell him…..can’t take any more…can’t go on like this anymore…I can’t pretend any more… - she practiced her speech, last minute cramming. The door opened. “Hey Roberta! I’m home!” He was laughing, scanning the room for her. When his eyes finally found her, he rushed at her, arms wide open, and pulled her into a loving hug. “I missed you so damn much! Was a tough day at work, Hon….couldn’t wait for home!” She was awkwardly hanging on to his hug, but eventually eased up, and hugged back. “Hey…welcome home!” They finally broke apart. Still smiling, he raised an eyebrow, locked eyes with her, and asked playfully, “Really? Miss me much?” There he goes again…there’s something in his words, his smile, his face…shoot! I’m forgetting! No!! I can’t remember!!! NO! After all that practice??! “I….” “Well? Hmm?” Everything fell apart in the space of a second. All that she had planned, all her resolve, dissolved away into nothing. “ I did……I did miss you….a lot! I love you, hon!” She said, smiling at him. “Great! So give me a kiss!” She did, responding to him. But deep inside her, something was wrong. Something was broken again, shattered again, screaming again..… yet again, yet another day. She lies and says she’s in love with him, can't find a better man... She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man... Can't find a better man… Five-to-ten, at night. They were cuddled in the living room sofa, watching the nine-o’clock movie. It was one of their favourites, the movie was into it’s climax, and he was well into it. She wasn’t. Her mind was wandering down St. Elsewhere, thinking of the days gone by. In particular, she was thinking about a special Day, a special place, a special person. Five years ago, New Years Day, at the hilltop, beneath the old apple tree. “Why weren’t you honest with me? Why did you break my heart? Why did you toy with my feelings? Why? WHY? Answer me!” – He demanded. She was on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry! I couldn’t! I couldn’t refuse you then…. but..” “But? But what?” “I….I realized….I’m not sure I have the same feelings for you…I’m sorry….I just can’t..I can’t fake it….I can’t fake that I’m in love with you..” “Why? What’s wrong with me? Why…Why can’t I have you in my life…?” He was on his knees now, tears flowing unchecked. “I’m sorry! Please! “ She was down on her knees now too, holding his face in her hands, trying to console him. “Please….! Forget me…forget that I ever existed…I know I’ve hurt you terribly…and I have no right to console you now…..but I’ll stil try…..Please……forget me…go on with your life….be strong…! You’re so precious. you’re such a wonderful person……You could have any girl you want! There’s someone out there for you too….Please..get up....I can't stand to see you sad.." He stopped crying for a second and looked at her straight in the eye. “If……if I’m so damn precious..so damned good, why can’t I have YOU?” She said nothing, tears streaking down her face, she got up, and wiping her face vigorously, walked off, leaving him crying, on his knees. Memories back when she was bold and strong And waiting for the world to come along... Swears she knew it, now she swears he’s gone That night, after the movie, when they finally fell asleep, the last words they said to each other were… “I love you.” She lies and says she’s in love with him, can’t find a better man... She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can’t find a better man... But in her dreams, back at that hilltop, beneath that apple tree, She tells the truth and says she still loves him, Can’t find a better man... She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can’t find a better man... Can’t find a better man.. She loved him, yes...she didn’t want to leave him that way She tries every day, but she can’t be back for him again. ……..But she can’t find a better man. Copyright 2008 Prithwish |
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| Last Updated ( Monday, 28 April 2008 ) |
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