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The Cost of True Love (My First Short Story)


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Written by Michael Dover   
Monday, 28 April 2008
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There were two people who were in love. They were told that they shouldn’t, told lies about the other, but wouldn’t listen to anything anyone else would say. People told him that she was a ****, that she was a skank. That she liked more guys than one could count. They told him that she was too young for him, and that it would never work.

He did not listen, for he liked her too much. They told her that he was too old, that he was a jerk. That he had problems, and that it would never work. She didn’t want to listen, but it was too painful for her to let it just sit, she had to find out.

She asked him about the lies, asked for the truth. He didn’t want to hide anything from her so he told her that he did, but not as bad as what was told. She gave him all of her trust, all the she could give. He said he would not betray it, on the inside he was happy, yet scared and frightened. Happy that she trusted him so, but scared that he would hurt her, and frightened of what would happen if he did hurt her.

Those were his greatest fears. She meant the world to him, he would never forgive himself if he did something to her, if he hurt her. He would give his life to save her, he would do anything to prevent pain, fear, and hurting from her life. She questioned why he didn’t always show the way he said he does. That’s what he hated, he hated that he loved her so and not being able to show it. He hated that he didn’t even know how to say how he deeply, truly felt for her. She’s the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he knew it.

He would do anything for her if she would ask him. She she cried it tore him apart. No matter why she did. He hated it that he didn’t know how to respond to her in those moments. She made him happier than anything he could imagine, and she said he made her feel the same way. She was the most amazing thing to him, he thanked God for someone like her. He didn’t know how to tell her how he felt, but he thought she knew.

He would ask himself is she knew and if she could know. He questioned if he would ever find the words to tell her what she meant to him. Those were his questions, he longed for the answers. The day would come, he knew it.

One day when the boy was walking out of class he saw her walking across the road with her Ipod in her ears towards some of her friends. He saw the car, which she did not notice. He saw it come around the corner screaming towards her, he knew he had to do something. She didn’t hear the car, she didn’t hear the boy screaming for her. She felt a push behind her and scraped her elbows and hands on the ground.

She turned around, wondering what type of person would push someone on the concrete. Rage was building like a tsunami inside of her. She turned around, red with anger, and then collapsed to the ground where the boy lay in a pool of his own blood. The car was crashed in a tree, the man was drunk. An ambulance had already been called.

She was crying and screaming his name, but he could hear nothing. He could see nothing and could hardly breathe. He was unconcious. The ambulance finally arrived, they put him on the girdy and rushed him to the nearest hospital. In his room the girl was still crying and holding his hand. She did not know what to do. All she knew to do was pray and hope he would be okay. The days passed, and he continually went downhill. Then the seventh day came and he passed.

This was the hardest day the girl had ever lived through. She couldn’t stop crying and thinking of how he was when he was alive. She remembered of how he made her feel, and how she was happier with him than she had ever been before. She did not know what to do. She was alone.



Copyright 2008 Michael Dover
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Comments (8)
Posted by lorislittlesecret
2008-04-28 11:15:43
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Interesting....but confusing at some points. I think it could be a good story if it were a bit more clear...
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Posted by ThatPsycoArtistFletcher10
2008-04-28 15:23:12
confusing?

I thought it was pretty clear.

Very good, i like it
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Posted by Arlii
2008-04-28 15:28:21
Interesting use of techinique

Good job for a first time.

Your techinque of switching Point of View is interesting and keeps the reader thinking (something sorely lacking in many romance stories) and helps create a sort of web between the characters.

Very nice for a first story. Fine tune your art. Try rewriting it a few times. It worked for Hemingway...
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-04-28 15:54:33
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yea i enjoyed this. sad but nicely written. i think by sacrificing his life to keep her alive, that was his way of showing his true love for her.
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Posted by Julieah123
2008-04-28 18:52:05
i thought...

hahaha... i really thought it was good... i love the first sentence... really... it's my favorite.

How'd you come up with the story line, michael ?
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Posted by jt conner
2008-05-01 18:15:24
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Didn't seem to catch my interest, but perhaps it is just not my kind of story. I would definately have to agree with the first comment about it not making sense in some parts; I would just suggest reading it over again and possibly changing a few things.
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Posted by Dirkin
2008-05-02 07:40:36
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I enjoyed this story, in that it reminded me of high school issues, when people from different years would date. I have one issue with one paragraph: She turned around, wondering what type of person would push someone on the concrete.

"Rage was building like a tsunami inside of her. She turned around, red with anger, and then collapsed to the ground where the boy lay in a pool of his own blood. The car was crashed in a tree, the man was drunk. An ambulance had already been called"

If someone pushed me over and i scraped my elbows, turned around and in that short time an ambulance had been called I would think that a bit strange. Do you see what I mean? Other than that michael I liked this story I think it shows a lot of pride in romance
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Posted by sgulab
2008-05-05 08:03:40
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awww i would cry to that was so said but i agree with the person above who said taht in showed his love for her by sacrificing his life.. :D very sweet story.
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