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Perfect Match |
| Written by Vijay P Nair | |
| Sunday, 27 April 2008 | |
As husband and wife, we quarreled quite often, yet, you'd agree that we're perfectly matched!
I'M a peace loving man. That is why we had resolved at the beginning of our marriage to weed out our differences by talking them over and not allowing irritations to accumulate. I knew that marriage, like a plant, had to be tended and fostered, strengthening its roots through constant attention, and occasional weeding. Yet, like all couples, we quarreled over trifles now and then. My wife is fun loving, vivacious, effervescent and she likes going out on picnics, taking a stroll in the evenings along the lake and giving sumptuous parties. But I'm a bit lazy, insolent, and prefer to stay indoors, and yawn, snooze, read or just look out of the windows. And I didn't have her devouring passion for Hindi films either. I considered it a three hours rigorous imprisonment plus fine. Yet we're perfectly matched just like a cigarette company's slogan "Made for Each Other!" In the first year of our married life, I had in fact taken her out to Calcutta's famous Victoria Memorial, Birla Planetarium, Botanical Gardens, Zoo, and other historical places, and had seen many horrible, dragging, soporific movies with her. Gentle reader, you would agree that from a full moon to a new moon, it is only fourteen days and honeymoon does not last forever. Soon I climbed down from my ecstatic white clouds when my wallet jeered at me and reason returned to my senses. Quite natural, isn't it? I was now not nearly as ready to hop about and swim in a crocodile-infested pond just to pluck a flower my wife wanted, as in the pristine glow of divine passion. My wife attributed this change in my attitude as decline in my love and complained that I had become unromantic and dull. So naturally we had many tiffs and tantrums varying in degree and duration, but in the end she would usually get away with whatever she wanted or wished me to do. Ha, I can see you frowning. But I cannot help it. So let us get on with my sob story: MY SISTERS had often said that I should consult a doctor and find out whether I had gelatin where my spine ought to be, for they said that if my wife asked me to jump or walk like a monkey, I'd do just that without further parley. That was not exactly true. Sometimes I asserted myself, and put my foot down to show her who the boss was. Like what happened one evening. I was reclining on an easy chair, reading a magazine, when she came and sat beside me and started caressing me gently. I had a strong premonition that an imminent trouble was brewing. "Where're you planning to go during your annual vacation?" "To our native place, as usual", I answered. "Why?" "Let's go to Darjeeling. It'd be great fun". "Be sensible, Nirma. I've been looking forward to this visit all these months", I reasoned. "What's the problem if we don't go there this year", she wanted to know. "There's no problem. But I'd prefer to go to my native place", I put my foot down stoutly. (Applause, my gentle reader, applause) "That's why I call you unromantic", she flared up. "What's there to attract you? Nothing but old people. Every year you go to your native place. Have you ever visited Nainital, Darjeeling, Simla or Ooty?" That was true, but I didn't say anything. I had no fancy in visiting such hill resorts, eat at expensive hotels, and simply spend money on sight seeing! What's there to see after all? Just snow and some mist covered hills. Nothing extraordinary. She softened a little and said, "You see, Paul's family is going to Nainital. What fun it would be if we also go to some such beautiful place". "So that's the problem! You also want to talk about something when they return. We'll go to my native place in Calicut as usual". She didn't argue any further. But she seemed to be enveloped in a heavy cloud of silence, and whenever I tried to speak to her she replied in monosyllables.
It rather spoiled my mood. She was still grouchy and morose the next morning. As a result I got sugarless tea and a half-burnt omelet. I had often noticed that if the morning began on a wrong note, you could be rest assured that you'd have a real dark day ahead. No wonder, in the office, I got a piece of my boss's mind when he suddenly barged in carrying a sheaf of papers, and fumed: "Didn't I tell you to watch the expense figures and report to me if any of them overshot?" "Yes Sir, that's right. You'd asked me" I said feeling cornered. "Then how come the maintenance and overtime expenses have gone up alarmingly for the past few months unnoticed by you?" and he threw the papers at me. Since I was a goalkeeper in my school and college football teams, I had no difficulty in catching them safely. But I didn't say anything. As I had said earlier, I'm a bit lazy and often skip a few pages while checking the figures. "I don't know what you're doing all the time in the office. It seems you're only watching the figures of our lady clerks". I saw my colleagues smiling. I'd never felt so ridiculed in my life. TO BRIGHTEN UP, I decided to see a movie. The man at the New Empire Cinema said that the feature film had just begun. But the usher seemed rather surprised to see me. "You Sir?" he gaped. "Yes", I said pleased. The guy seemed to remember faces, although I had gone there only a couple of times. Perhaps he was surprised to see me alone, I thought.
But as soon as I took my seat, the light was switched on, and it was the interval! Half of the film had been over! While I waited for the film to continue, the beg-bugs gave me a twenty-one gun salute. It was a lousy film. It even scared these poor bugs with some terrific, hybrid music! It was quite late when I reached home. I doubted that she might have been surprised to see me in one piece. Usually she would be scared stiff whenever I returned home late. But that night she didn't ask me any question. And all through the dinner she sat like a trussed bird. An uncomfortable silence prevailed, and as it often happened, it took the edges off my appetite. Earlier when we were married, we had agreed that we would not carry any difference between us to bed, but somehow she seemed to be unaware of my propinquity. It was drizzling outside. The night was long and weary, and it brought an ominous introspectiveness and self-distrust making things look very gloomy. I just couldn't understand why she didn't say. "I'm sorry", and make up our quarrel. It was she who had started it. But she was acting as though it was all my doing!
The next few days too, gloominess followed me like a shadow. I was aware that this was a silly matter and there was no need for losing one's sleep. Earlier also she had gone into such tantrums and didn't speak to me for some days, but soon she'd cool down and become her normal self. But this time she seemed to be in a difficult mood. Even after all these years of married life, I just couldn't understand her. Strange, wasn't it? But I didn't allow myself to brood over life's little ironies. Instead, I brought a dress for her, costing me a packet. On a fine morning a week later, I asked her: "You know what day it's today?" She looked at me quizzically wondering perhaps whether I was off my senses. "It's Thursday", she replied. "No, what date is it?" She glanced at the calendar lazily and said "October Eleventh" "Ha!" I exclaimed. "You forgot. Today's our marriage anniversary!" "Shall we observe two minutes silence? Or raise a black flag atop our house?" She asked sarcastically. I laughed it off. But it seemed that the passing days could not melt the iceberg of her anger. "Look. I've brought a present for you". I was sure that she'd fall for that, and would start showering me with kisses. But all she said was an "oh!" Thought it hurt me, I didn't show it. "How do you like it?", I pursued. "Ah, it's all right", she said without much enthusiasm, as if it was something very cheap. I got real mad, but before the situation turned worse, I left the house in a huff. THERE IS A saying in our native place in Kerala that whenever any Nair gets angry, just hoist a white flag and stay out of his way. Haven't you heard this story of a Nair who when greatly annoyed with his wife, broke all the earthen utensils, threw his children into the nearby well and still feeling angry ran around the house?
I'm a descendent of this great Nair. It was fortunate that we had no children at that time and the utensils were so costly that I dared not break them and finally since we were staying in a crowded locality in Calcutta, it was not possible for me to run around the house either! But a stray dog curled up on the doormat had not heard of the Nair's famous anger. A number ten boot got it just below its lower ribs, and it ran away howling. Well, it was with this state of mind that I reached the bus stop. A No. 5 bus came but instead of stopping, it slowed down a bit. I ran and hopped in. It was then that fate sneaked from behind me and placed the rod an inch away from my stretched fingers. For a frightening second, I hung suspended in the air to finally settle down on the road. Oh no! I was not plastered to the road. Fortunately I had taken the rear entrance. But something went out of gear by this crash-landing. My right hand refused to obey me as if it did not belong to me. Yet it gave me an excruciating pain. But one should've seen my wife's face when she rushed in to see me at the hospital. She fussed over me and began to cry. She blamed herself for my misfortune. She said that if she had not behaved badly I'd not have gone out in a huff, and carelessly boarded a running bus. She promised she'd never get angry with me again and so many other things, but I had no fighting spirit left in me to mollify her. I just lay down there, without knowing what to do. Nevertheless, I said, "There, there. Don't cry. It's nothing. A small fracture. Nothing to write home about." But for the next few days I became a child and she my mother! It was then I realized how badly I had been treating her. I remembered her little acts of kindness, her love, her constant care about my welfare, and I decided that in reciprocation I should do something for her. BUT YOU GUESSED wrong. I promised her that next year we would go to Darjeeling. (Don't you know that I had already spent that year's leave owing to this accident?) But my wife, who loves harmony, said next year we'd go to our native place to see our parents and relatives. So you see, we're perfectly matched. Made for each other indeed! Copyright 2008 Vijay P Nair |
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