Just Like Her

             I drove and I drove. I think I counted some 3,000 telephone poles as I endlessly drove in search of her. I didn't really know where I was going. I just turned my head and looked at the empty space beside me. Where she once sat. Were she was sprawled out on the seat with her legs across the dashboard. You know she was really beautiful. Taking her to this cliff she always wanted to go to was the least I could do. But if I would've known this is what she was going to do I would have tried to prevent all of this.

            I know she always flirted with death. It was just how she was. And I had begun to accept it too. But now here I am coming back to civilization with an empty seat. What was I going to say? She had fallen 200 feet to her death. What would people think? They would probably be awfully suspicious of me. I was the last one to accompany her. And because of that the finger will be pointed at me.

          So as I approached home I made a sudden turn. I turned completely away from the direction of my house. I needed to clear my head. Outside the cold had begun to make its way back into the spacious air. I desperately turned on the heat inside the car. I think it was night again. The moon looked like something out of a horror movie. Most people probably think of the moon as a scary sight tonight. But I thought it looked entertainingly beautiful. It was a complementing sight. I needed something to give me a good feeling. Without her here telling me her interesting experiences or her oddly funny jokes I couldn't crack a smile. The moon helped me a little but not enough.

          When someone dies time seems to stand still. That's how it was. The heat was on full blast and by this time I was sweating profusely. I had to take off my t-shirt. But that didn't help much. I kept thinking of the last minutes I spent with her. What had just happened? If I would have known she was going to jump I would have stopped her. But I felt even more guilty about the things I never got to say to her. The things I were holding back. But I guess it was too late now. I just hope it wasn't me who bored her enough. I hope it wasn't me who made her decide to commit suicide and jump off a cliff.

         I'm just glad I never looked at her body after she landed. It would have struck me insane to see her like that. But I couldn't remember that part of her. I had to remember her pure, beautiful form. It was the best part to think about. I kept thinking how it must have felt falling through the air. It must have been magnificent. I wonder if she smiled on the way down. Probably, it was just like her.

       I parked the car at a familiar spot. It was the place where her and I just spent the day together. I needed to come back here. I think part of me was hoping when I pulled in she would be standing there, illuminated by the headlights. But she was nowhere to be found. She had passed over. She was one with the sky now. I looked over the cliff down into the black. It looked like a gigantic black hole. I looked back at the car and then looked again at the cliff. Maybe I should fall too. I went back and forth in my head between death and life. I must have stood there for eternity. I think some tears came down my face when I only turned away from the cliff. I walked back lifelessly into my car.

     I just couldn't do it. I always wanted to see what death was like too. But I didn't want to see so suddenly. As I was passing more telephone poles I thought of where she must be now. I could see her smiling at me. She was having so much fun now. It was the place she felt normal. The sun began to rise as I drove back home. As the last remaining tears glided down my cheek, I cracked a smile for her.