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Why I Don't Write Romance


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Written by Daniel Van Werkhoven   
Wednesday, 23 April 2008
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They walked hand in hand down the path, the sun streaming through the trees casting soft shadows on them both.

Charles gazed into Samantha's eyes as he softly said, 'You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, my dear.'

Samantha smiled playfully back at him. 'You are so cheesy Charles.'

He grinned broadly at her, and kissed her lightly on the cheek. 'I know, but you love it.'

Samantha laughed a tinkly laugh, but didn't say anything, he was right. She lay her head on his shoulder, feeling his easy pulse as they walked slowly through the park.

Charles breathed deeply, savoring the sweet smell of her perfume. He kissed her hair and smiled.

They walked in silence for awhile. Simply enjoying each others presence.

Charles took a deep breath and steeled himself for what he was about to do.

He stopped walking.

Samantha looked up at him, curiosity only slightly diluting the love in her eyes.

'Samantha.' He paused as he knelt down on one leg, and pulled something from his pocket. 'Samantha, will you marry me?' he asked quietly as he carefully opened the small box which he'd taken from his pocket, and held it up to her.

A tear trickled down her check, and she smiled at him through misty eyes. Her mouth opened to give her answer.

Blam!

'Boom! Head shot!' yelled a voice.

Charles' eyes widened in horror as Samantha's head exploded in a shower of red. He swallowed with difficulty as the body of Samantha tottered, then with slow grace fell backwards onto the now somewhat red grass.

He stared in shock at her. His mouth popping open and closed like a fish out of water, as he tried to comprehend what had happened.

For a full minute stared at her body, before finally, he spoke.

'...Samantha...?' he croaked before lapsing again into silence.

The sounds of children playing in the park, filtered through the trees.

As the shock of what happened left, he scowled as he said, 'Aww dammit, not again.'

He stood up, pocketed the ring and stalked sullenly off into the gathering dusk.



Copyright 2008 Daniel Van Werkhoven
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Comments (20)
Posted by Dirkin
2008-04-23 22:25:05
....

Maybe it makes me twisted, but I laughed! I pictured a bizarre universe thats a cross between online gaming like Halo multiplayer and real life. 'boom! head shot!' Glad you had a twist like that, I think its why you SHOULD write romance
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Posted by The 13th
2008-04-23 23:33:37
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My kind of romance...twisted, could'nt help but chuckle.
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Posted by DoozerDan
2008-04-23 23:38:03
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If you think it makes you twisted, think what it makes me, I wrote it! :P Haha, I love it when people get the gaming refrences, a few people miss it, and it leaves them confused. Thanks a lot for comment, it's much appreciated :D
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Posted by DoozerDan
2008-04-23 23:40:26
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:D Yup, the only kind.
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Posted by ThomasP3
2008-04-24 03:38:08
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There is something very very wrong here; maybe that's why I laughed! Hey, who shot samantha anyway?
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Posted by SageSyren
2008-04-24 09:11:23
OMG

Stay away from romance. You slashed it all to hell.

*laughs*

I loved this.
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Posted by CELL
2008-04-24 09:50:30
Great job.

haha, did some ravenous and butt-hurt Ex shoot Samantha?

The (intentional) cliche of the whole thing was pretty funny (cliche, of course, until the mind-blowing twist), and this was actually also very well-written.

I liked this.
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Posted by DoozerDan
2008-04-24 16:11:38
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Heh, I dunno, people have asked that before. I didn't plan that, I just wrote it 'cause it worked with what I wanted. :D But if I had to name someone, I'd say some irate gamer, sick of cheesy romance :D
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Posted by DoozerDan
2008-04-24 16:13:04
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Hehehehe, die Die DIE!!!! I kills the romance *Hisses and backs away*
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Posted by DoozerDan
2008-04-24 16:14:35
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:D As I replied to someone just before, no idea who shot her, someone...

Thanks :D I'm glad you liked it.
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Posted by 20CARMEN_NiCOLE11
2008-04-25 05:45:49
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WOW OK.

NOT WHAT i EXPECTED BUT HEY THATS WHAT MAKES iT SO GOOD.

AND iM GUESSiN THAT THiS HAS HAPPEN TO HiM BEFORE CAUSE HE SAYS "Aww dammit, not again."

BUT i LiKE iT.
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Posted by 1800
2008-04-25 13:59:09
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Is it odd that I saw the head shot coming?

But I think next time he'll get a helmet for her instead of a ring.
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Posted by 1800
2008-04-25 14:01:18
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As FPS doug put it, "My heart's beatin', my heart's beatin',my hands are shakin', my hand's are shakin', but I'm STILL shootin', and I'm STILL getting headshots, it's like BOOM! HEADSHOT! BOOM HEADSHOT! BOOM HEADSHOT-AH!"
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Posted by DoozerDan
2008-04-25 16:07:11
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Hahaha, wow, you have got to be a first. Some people suspect something, but I don't think any have admitted to actually seeing the head shot coming. :P

FPS Doug FTW! :P I got a parody/satire set in Counter Strike, you'll love that if you like FPS Doug :P I'll post soon.
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Posted by Something Indecent
2008-04-26 04:58:51
HA!

Nice. The word romance usually kills any interest I have in a story but I'm glad I read this. Very entertaining.
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