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Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Sometimes I find myself tearing into my soul, searching for the answer I want to hear. I don’t want to hear the truth; I want to hear my fabricated lie. I’m at a lost. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I don’t have any sexual desire towards man or woman. I don’t have a desire to love. Yes I do want to feel someone in my arms, I want to hold someone close…. but then I don’t want to be with anyone.

Is it wrong to not feel love? Is it wrong to not be intimate with anyone? I want to feel love but I can’t…or I just don’t want to. Most of the time I confuse myself. Sometimes I find that I ask myself questions that I don’t want to answer. Am I crazy…or am I normal.

I know that I am still young and I have my whole life in front of me. Maybe I don’t want to live any more; maybe I just want to end the confusion. I want to kill the beast that leaves me emotionless. I want to let it bleed out of my veins, be rid of it. But it would just bring more pain.

I’ve considered running away, but what is the point the confusion would only catch up. Sometimes I have considered telling my parents that I’m a lesbian. They seem understanding, in fact they don’t care. I won’t tell them…not yet at least. Not until I’m a hundred percent sure. I prefer to be with a woman but I don’t want to intimate with her.

I feel confused…lost...alone.

Keyword: is it wrong?

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Comments (8)

Posted by rareflower 2008-04-21 21:59:56 .... omg sis...that was so beautiful y'know! i was amazed with how this sucked me into it, your such an amazing writter! and if you run away you would have ur worst problem follow you...me -_- xD lolz well i enjoyed it, i'm a huge fan of this so please let me say.....RACHAEL FOR LIFE!!! xD lolz yeh...happy holidays ^^" + Report this comment
Posted by Vango 2008-04-22 09:59:23 .... I can sympathise with her. + Report this comment
Posted by Roadkill315 2008-04-22 12:43:24 .... Not wrong if it is right to you I suppose. Good write, thanks + Report this comment
Posted by R.E.Potter 2008-04-22 13:25:18 ,,, Yea hang in there. In todays world,,,it doesnt matter who you are inside. Stay at home and get a good education. Be glad you don't have sexual desires at your age...they can only screw you up...no pun intended. + Report this comment
Posted by jt conner 2008-04-22 14:39:08 .... Very personal which, i suppose, is why it seems so good. + Report this comment
Posted by deadfamilytree 2008-04-22 21:53:37 .... lol i hav left skool...im 18...ty fer the comment + Report this comment
Posted by Bomber 2008-04-22 23:25:31 .... The World can seem a very big place when one is feeling lost or confused. To me, this story gets that feeling across very well. Getting those feelings "out there" by whatever means will always help. I like your work, keep writing. + Report this comment
Posted by Something Indecent 2008-05-06 11:19:11 .... I can totally relate to that in my own demented way. You want someone close and then when you have them all you want is to be left alone. Keep writing cuz it helps. + Report this comment

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