Rooted Blue

I think I liked you better when you were...

My Own Personal Hell

I wake up everyday, And they die a...


Grotesque


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Written by Egoist   
Friday, 18 April 2008
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            As the storm rolled in from the west, the casual walk in the woods turned into a dash for shelter. The dark skies only reminded him of his last predicament with nature; it was exactly a week earlier that the lightening frightened him and his family. He was too far away from home to turn back, so he'd rather take his chances and search for the leaning tree or sheltering rocks. Instinct told him to find the closest place available without hesitation. His feet were growing heavy with mud. Finally he spotted the outline of a house through the trees. It was a house of great size, more than likely a wealthy person's vacation home.

            He reached the house and chanced upon a shattered window, just wide enough for him to squeeze his lithe body through. His orange hair stuck onto a corner of the glass to mark his point of entry. Without bothering to clean his feet, he cautiously made his way through the dark house to search for any signs of the owners. The storm made its presence known as it shook the house. He inched his way through and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness his progress was interrupted by a steel door. Usually this type of interruption would lead him to explore elsewhere, but it was the deathly stench which kept him from exploring further. He was fascinated by it. He pressed against the metal and stretched as far as he could seeking entrance. Failing that, he paced back and forth along the hallway parallel to the room as he tried to investigate this unexpected development. What had died in that room? He had to find out.

            A sound derived from the room upstairs, which provided an excuse to leave the present location. He headed his way, stealthily up the stairs. When the top was reached, there was another chance to head straight up again, but he heard the noise coming from a certain room. As he walked in he searched for unreasonable items when he noticed the window. The same sound was heard, but now with a visual of the incident. From the storm, a tree's branches scratched on the window which made a clicking sound more than a scrapping. After observing it a couple of more times he decided it wasn't worth it and went on to exploring that room. As he started his walk around he noticed the couch under the window and the toys in the corner, a room probably for kids, but another distraction became evident. The exact same smell he noticed earlier came from the vent onthe floor in the corner of the room. As he pranced over, he noticed the lid, which ceiled the vent, was off. With a small amount of difficulty he climbed his way into the vent to solve the mystery of the deathly smell.

            He explored the vent for some time as he mostly lost his way a few times. The smell was so strong as though it was baked on the walls of the vents. Eventually he became drained from the search and wanted fresh air. He found an air hole leading into another room. He used his strength to break through the barrier but he didn't realize the fall he would have to break through. Luckily he fell in a secure position, but found another steel door and this time no counter adventure. He was trapped in a room with no food or water. As he secured his discovery of no exits he started to cry not in a realization of certain death, but for help. But help came too late.

---

            Two detectives stood outside the front door of the vacation home as they argued through evidence.

            "Did they have pets? I don't see how a security alarm suddenly goes off and doesn't send any signals towards the police. I swear it's some kind of dog's fault," one said while reviewing facts.

            "No they didn't, they were just on vacation," the other explained just as an investigator came from the back yelling, "The house was struck by lightening about 10 days back!"

            They looked at each other, and as both knew what the other was going to say, only the one spoke up, "Then that means it must've triggered a system glitch and locked them in that room."

            The other pointed his pen to the fellow detective in agreement, "Yea, so then they just eventually starved to death within those seven days."

            They smiled over their achievements while the bodies were rolled out, first the 12 year old son, then the 14 year old daughter, then both parents. The detectives watched, "How gruesome. I mean they had to die in such an inhumane manor."

            "I even saw a vase of flowers in there, I thought they'd eat the paint of the walls or something," the other one said.

            "A windowless room, not even a bit of sunlight came in."

            "What I want to know is what the orange hairs were at the side hanging off the window."

            As they discussed the issue even further, another investigator brought out the last body. The investigator said, "I found him stuck in another room, sealed off."

            The two detectives looked at the orange haired body.

            "This explains the orange hairs," one answered.

            The other said with a chuckle, "Hey, curiosity killed the cat."



Copyright 2008 Egoist
Keyword: Grotesque
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Comments (16)
Posted by Egoist
2008-04-18 17:39:34
....

As a project due for one of my classes, I was supposed to make a "grotesque piece" on anything I wanted. I didn't get the paper back yet, so I'd like to see how you would grade it. Thanks.
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Posted by nick711
2008-04-18 18:07:25
....

I liked it. It was eerie, with the whole investigation of the deathly smell. I didn't think the detectives would act so casual about such a gruesome occurrence.
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Posted by The 13th
2008-04-18 23:35:54
....

Grand story, good descriptions
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Posted by R.E.Potter
2008-04-19 07:34:01
,,,

ooh gross...I mean grotesque. Like it.
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Posted by CELL
2008-04-21 12:20:29
....

Well-written.

I'd give it an A- or B+.
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Posted by SageSyren
2008-04-21 12:30:05
....

This was really good, but I wonder if there could have been more showing instead of telling.
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Posted by lorislittlesecret
2008-04-21 12:38:43
....

What a sick and bizarre twist. I love it...
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Posted by 1800
2008-04-21 13:03:57
....

...horrible way to go.
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Posted by R.E.Potter
2008-04-21 13:16:24
,,,

Just want to recomment...who has orange hair..lol
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Posted by resistanceisfreedom
2008-04-21 14:22:40
....

hmmm i think the orange hair was different but cool. wow such a horrible way to die. i would hate to go that way. thought this was pretty neat. make sure you tell me what you go on it.
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Posted by Egoist
2008-05-03 14:10:36
....

I figured something I should have worked more on would have been the imagery. I believe that gave it a weaker value. Thanks for the comment.
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Posted by Egoist
2008-05-03 14:11:49
....

I considered the detectives to have seen the most gruesome of images, maybe NY detectives or something. I guess I really can't believe they acted casual either. Thanks for the comment.
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Posted by Egoist
2008-05-03 14:12:49
....

Thank you for grading it. If gives me a thought onto what I got.
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Posted by cookingWine
2008-05-07 18:34:59
....

That was a good job bringing those events together. Very well done in that regard.

" They smiled over their achievements while the bodies were rolled out, first the 12 year old son, then the 14 year old daughter, then both parents."

I thought that was the strongest line. You have to wonder what detectives get from their job.

I can't say specifics because I'm not that sure of what I mean, but I would like more from this.

Keep on keeping on.

cS.
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Posted by Egoist
2008-05-08 16:59:53
....

Hey thanks. I haven't really heard from you in a while so I'm real glad you liked this one. Nothing bad to say? That sounds good to me.
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