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The Night Jaymie was Exorcised |
| Written by Nathan Weaver | |
| Thursday, 17 April 2008 | |
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Share it:      I'm not a completely impassionate person, but there's just something about demonic, green barf. It's not flattering. As far as girlfriends go, Jaymie wasn't the worst one. She wasn't the best, but she wasn't the worst either. I'd say she was more of a middle-of-the-road type of girlfriend. But our relationship just wasn't ready for the exorcism, it was brought on way too fast. So, it was suppose to be our three month anniversary and all that, but then she was like all possessed by Legion and kicking and screaming and barfing up that green stuff. It was fun for a while, but then she got into references about my mom and her virtues and it got old fast. Then there was the priest dude and his presence officially made me the third wheel. I hate being the third wheel. I mean come on, it was suppose to be about us--who invited the goth? Maybe if it was like the seventh month, I would have gone for that. But three months? Way too soon. The next day I was talking to my dad about it and he was like, "Son, I'm glad you decided to slow down. You need to play the field more." And I agreed. At that point, I had only had 316 girlfriends--what was the rush? After the priest did his wonky stuff she was laying there, ribs broken and gasping for air. I could hear some human feminity in her voice again and that was comforting. The whole, "We are Legion," and sounding like a dude was just creepy. Maybe if it was in our second year of marriage I'd go for that, but not three months dating. I leaned in to her, just past the priest who was also catching his breath, and I told her how I felt--that is what women want right? "Honey," I said, "It just ain't gonna work out. It's too quick." At any road, that's the way it went down. And I don't feel bad about it. What's the point? I didn't do anything wrong. Some go for that freaky stuff, but not me. Or at least, not that early. It was way too soon for an exorcism.
THE END Copyright 2008 Nathan Weaver |
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