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Miles Away: Part IThis story may contain adult content. |
| Written by Justin Carminati | |
| Thursday, 17 April 2008 | |
[Intro] I took the last drag from the cigarette and flicked it down onto the lawn. I had been sitting out on the front steps of my apartment building, waiting ... waiting for her to call me back. the last week had turned out to be maybe the worst of my life, even worse then stuff in Vermont. I thought once I moved and started over, I'd be able to escape the **** storm that had been my life, but I guess it was just a personality flaw I have. I have been in California for almost a year ... first 6 months I was on top of the world, almost untouchable ... Christian had moved out about three months after me and we went halves on an apartment and things seemed to be going good. Cynthia had came through and landed me a pretty good job at universal and had even managed to help Christian get one too ... I then met this girl, well the girl at the store I worked at Kari, she was perfect ... dark hair, tan, just as funny as me ... well, close and as perfect as you can get ... we started out barely talking, she was either shy or didn't like me. Luckily it was the first, after a few months we became good friends ... then a few months later she went out on her first date with me. It felt good to go this slow, I'm usually not a patient person but she tested that and won. After our first date, I must have done something right, because we went on a few more before starting to actually "date". while Christian bounced from girl to girl, kind of unsatisfied and for the first time thinking of retiring the "player" in himself, it had taken me almost a year, just under 11 months to get "the" girl to like and date me... And then BOOM, I fell back into the horse **** that I seem to be drawn too. As if some sort of hell spawn Jamie showed up. in Cali-fucking-fornia, 3000 miles away and I still couldn't get this girl out of my life ... okay, well it was like 40% my fault ... I had told her where I was in California and maybe had said the phrase 'stop by if you're ever here' ... but who the **** would've thought she'd come here ... well, just my luck her cousin's friend Cote had been stationed here and she had just decided to stay with him for a few weeks. grreeaattt, that's all I neeed, I was pathetic enough in Vermont and I hadn't got much better ... I'd had shoved about 95% of her away and barely ever thought of her ... but when she showed up at my door, the 5% was like a tall skyscraper ... blocking the sun from me ... so after juggling the Jamie and Kari thing for all of three days, I slip up ... but to be fair, I was hiding it from both Kari and Christian ... so three days isn't bad ... I mean, I had no intention of cheating or anything, I invited her over for a movie and some pizza and that's when everything went wrong. I had no idea Kari was going to make a "surprise" visit but she did and that was baaaddd. I felt my heart pop as I saw the look on her face, it was as if I had just killed her new puppy ... she did the lip thing and before she could even turn around she had tears running down her face.... i knew i had really ****** up when all she needed was to see a girl at my house and it exploded ... Jamie left shortly after and i brought out the Absolut and orange juice and proceeded to do the only type of therapy that seemed to work. I drank for a good 4 hours straight and hard, by the time Christian came home I was on the verge of coma ... well not exactly but drunk enough where I couldn't of gotten up the 6 steps in our apartment without killing myself. The next morning was rough. I had maybe the worst hangover in the history of hangovers and my I felt the events of last night down on my shoulders, I managed to scrape all my energy up and get my cell phone that lay about 10 feet from me ... I had 1 message, I had prayed for it to be Kari and that things weren't as bad as I foggily remembered, but no such luck.... it was Jamie, the last person I wanted to talk to. She rambled on for about 5 to 10 minutes about being sorry for ruining it and then saying she had fun and that if it was okay she'd like to hang out again... I managed to laugh before throwing up everywhere... [Part 1] I stepped out of bed, well tried to. I felt like ****, I could barely walk straight. I managed to make it to the bathroom where I attempted to make myself look halfway decent. I had to go to work today, this would be the first contact me and Kari would have since the incident, that's even if she came to work. After about a half hour of brushing my teeth and combing my hair, I stepped out of the bathroom and headed out to my car. Mrs. Walker was just leaving, I managed a forced hi as she held the door for me, we both stepped down the stairs and then split, she went left down the street, I went right,; to where my car was parked. As I got in, the seat felt like a million dollar bed, I closed my eyes for only a second and almost passed out. I was so dehydrated I could probably piss dust. After a few deep breaths I turned the key and engine came alive. The noise was low but even yet, it felt like it was going to scramble my brain. I tried shaking the million thoughts that tornadoed through my mind and hit the gas and headed for work. The drive over I was a nervous wreck along with a physical one, but as I pulled and saw Kari’s car, I felt like a little kid who wanted his mommy. I was half expecting her to take the day off, but nope ... she was a trooper, I had to give her that. I half-assed my out of my car and started across the parking lot, going over in my head things to say and things not to say. I came in through the back entrance and saw the sign Sports Inc. I took my last deep breath and headed towards the door. I pushed open the door and looked around, it was a ghost town. We had about 15 minutes until the doors opened, but the place was barely lit ... she hadn't turned on all the lights, I almost had to laugh at the next thought that popped through my mind. It felt as if she was hiding in a corner with a crowbar, ready to pounce as I stepped by ... I laughed it off, but felt I probably deserved it if it did happen. I stepped across the floor and saw her, I immediately felt like an ass, I hadn't got the chance to apologize, well I did ... but it was mostly drunken messages on her cell at all hours of the night. She had her back to me; she was knelt over a box stacking the stuff. I was pretty sure she had heard me come in as the store was deathly silent. "Need any help?" I kind of just blurted out, just wanting the silence to end. Nothing. She didn't even make an effort to look like she had heard me. Well there goes that plan, I thought as I stepped over to the opposite side of the room. I grabbed a few boxes that needed to be placed and started to get to work. I was still pretty well hung over, so with my mind only half clicking I couldn't think of any way to get her to talk to me. I mean, if she denied me on the blunt approach, I doubted I could get her to talk with any fancy talking. I gave up on communication with her for the time being and focused or tried to focus on getting everything placed out before 9. I watched as she turned and gave me a slight glance, I waved her over and she seemed to hesitate a little before turning the other way and throwing the boxes away. It had been this was for a few hours or so ... she had waited on the 4 or 5 customers we had, while I did all the labor. I was running out of things to do, as she seemed to have come in early and done most of it. Usually it was around 2 before I had the mountain of **** done, but I was bone dry at noon. I just kind of off pretended to sort and fix things for a few minutes while she rang up another customer ... I guess I had to go up and say hi and let her take her first swing ... it was the manly and humane thing to do, I was just afraid she'd bean me over the head with something hard. I cracked a smile as I walked over; I passed the young kid who had just bought a Bengal’s jersey as I got closer to the counter. I could see her tense up and seemingly get uneasy, I felt bad ... we hadn't been uncomfortable with each other ever ... not even the first time we met; sure she was shy but not uneasy if that makes any sense. "Hey look, I’m sorry..." I said and trailed off a little she looked up at me and kind of stared at me blankly. "It’s not what you thought it looked like, she's an old..." She cut me off before I could let out my full reign of clichés. "Don’t' waste my time with that ****..." she said with anger almost dripping from every word. I had seen her being mad coming from a mile, but I was hoping since she was such a sweet girl, maybe I’d get lucky ... nope, my luck stayed shitty. "She's an old friend who stopped over to watch a movie, nothing more" I said and subconsciously knew I was digging my grave deeper and deeper, even if she didn't know ... the "karma gods" sure as hell did. "Was she an ex?" she blurted out not giving me time to try and distract her away from that road. I stumbled over a couple of words cueing her in really quickly, she let out a sigh and headed for the back door. "Wait... are you leaving?" I asked confused a little. I had to smile at the situation, which only made the situation sink deeper in ****. "Going out for a smoke." she said in frustrated tone. "...but you don't smoke?" I half asked. She muttered something in frustration ... all I could make out was something about fresh air and to shut up... I stopped trying at that point; I figured if I kept pushing it would only get worse... I’d call it day and try tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday would be my lucky day and as if right on cue, I heard the door open and a customer come in, I took my spot behind the register and braced myself for the uncomfortableness that was about to come. I wished I had a drink at that moment, but it was probably better that I didn't. The day went on somewhat uneventful. I had to pretty much hold the store up on my own, as Kari continued to go out and take "smoke breaks. We said about a total of 10 words, almost all of them related to work. I had pretty much given up by then. She was a good girl but I wasn't feeling up to the task of trying to stop the emotional rollercoaster that is an upset woman. I kept to myself and did everything I needed to. The day dragged though, probably worse then it has ever before. It got so bad I had Kari watch over the store as I took a "second lunch". I stepped out of the store and headed for Hard Rock Cafe. Christian was still there and it would be good to see a familiar face that wasn't ready t stab me in the neck. Inside I saw him on a second floor dining area; I stood by the door waiting for him to come down. "One?" a cute waitress asked, assuming I was there to eat. "Oh no, I’m not here to eat. Sorry, just waiting for my friend Christian" I explained and stepped out of the way letting a few customers come through. "Oh ok, he should be right down." she said and began to attend the customers. I sat there on a small wooden bench reading the paraphernalia that littered the walls. I tried to forget about the Kari situation but I couldn't, she was a cute chick and I had started finally liking her. Which was good, she was the first girl I could see myself maybe loving since Jamie. I leaned back and shook the thoughts from my head, hopefully Christian hurried down, because if not no telling what Kari would do... I laughed a little but new it probably wasn't hat far from the truth. Luckily it had only been about 5 minutes before Christian came down, he stepped over towards me and I stood up. "Hey man, what’s up?" he asked wiping his hands off and leaning against the far wall. "Notta, **** isn't good at work ... I needed a break." I said and half chuckled. "Yeah I heard, that's crazy ... what the **** was she doing there?" he said, the tone bled disappointment. "Just stopped over for a few minutes, but oh well ... nothing new." I said and stood up... "So what are you doing tonight?" I added "Going to a movie with Katie, that’s about it ..., I’ll be home like 10 or 11. Why? What are you doing?" he asked me "Not sure, was thinking of working on the Kari thing ... but I think its dead for today ... might just crash out early." I said and shrugged... "Well, I got to go ... thought I’d just stop over say hi ... see ya tonight man" I said and stepped out of the door. It was a nice day out at least I thought as I started across the walkway again. In like 20 minutes I could leave and go home. No more bullshit. As I entered the store I saw Kari sitting behind the register listening to her CD player. I felt the familiar urge to go and say something but bagged it; I had made the first move, all be it small ... she needed to make the next one. And it didn't take her long... She lifted the headphones from her ears... "Hey...” her voice was broken and kind of flustered. I could tell she was a little uneasy talking to me and was forcing herself too. She tried her best to give me a smile, but it didn't come off so well. "Hey, what's up?" I asked, just glad she was talking to me again. "Sorry about earlier, I was still kind of hurt about last night." her words were calm, which instantly put me to ease somewhat. "No, don’t be. I’m sorry it looked really bad... i should’ve told you ... but she kind of just came over ... forget all that, I'm just sorry" i said, trying my best not to ramble like i did on the half dozen drunken messages i left. "So, was she an ex?" she asked kind of sheepishly. I nodded; "yeah, we dated for a few years .... Broke up like a year ago. I was surprised as hell when she showed up." I paused for a sec and looked at her; she seemed a bit interested so I finished up what I had to say... "She’s staying at her friends in Burbank. She decided to stop by quickly...you don't have anything to worry about, nothing there anymore...” I added, knowing I wasn't exactly lying but wasn't being the most honest I could possibly be. "Oh..." she said and brushed the hair from her face. I had a sudden urge and leaned over and kissed her forehead. She pulled back and smiled ... "it's almost time to go ... finally..." "Yeah, I’m sorry again ..." I managed to get out as I stood up and stretched. She smiled and I asked 'what are you doing tonight?" "Going to a friend's house ..." she said and placed her headphones back on. She turned and stepped towards the back entrance. "What..." I just said to no one in particular ... what the **** was that? I shrugged to myself and then glanced at my watch; 2:55. Dana and Margaret would be here soon ... thank god. I gathered up some stuff off the counter and tossed it in the trash, wondering what the **** that was all about.... she's a woman was the only explanation i could think of, and it worked for the time being... The two girls who replaced me stepped in though the door giggling. Margaret was a tall blonde chick with a southern accent. I wasn't a fan of blondes, but I’d take a swing at that if I got the chance.... on the other hand Danielle or Dana as everyone called her was a chick with dark hair and very short, she was cute in her own way but not beautiful ... she kind of had a crush on me, but no offense to her ... I wasn't going down that road. Dana came and gave me the daily hug before I headed out the back door waving goodbye. Kari was no where to be found, I shrugged it off and headed for my car, hungry as hell and wanting to plop my ass down on the couch... I headed across the parking lot thinking of home, sweet home... As soon as I got in the door I felt a sense of relief, the hangover was catching its second wind and I felt a little dizzy, I put my cell on the charger as I walked into the kitchen and rummaged through the refrigerator for something to drink. I settled on some left over orange juice after searching a little bit. I took a few big gulps and then tossed it back in the fridge. I still felt a little woozy. I popped a couple of aspirin and then slowly walked to the couch ... I figured I’d lay down for a minute, maybe a hour or so nap would make me feel a little better, at least I hoped ... I didn't want to be bed ridden for the rest of the night. As soon as my head hit the pillow and my eyes closed I was out ... drifting off into dreamland.
"Uh... hello?" i asked balancing myself against the wall. "hiiii." and I instantly knew the voice, it was Jamie. 'What’s going on, you sound sleepy." she added as I tried to focus my eyes. "Yeah ... just woke up. Took a nap, kind of." I said, my words coming out in odd tones and such. "Oh, I’m sorry for waking you ... I just was calling to see if you had plans tonight, because I don't and I’m sooooo bored." she said, her cute frail voice softening my heart. I took a second to think, seconds ticked by as my consciences fought over what my next move would be ... I was still to tired to care who one, I just wanted them to hurry the **** up. The outcome was pretty clear, the side that always wins, won again. "I’m doing nothing; **** is ruined with Kari kind of ... so prolly just renting a movie off the dish ... you can come over if you'd like..." I said and immediately wanted to punch myself, wasn't I just in this situation less then 48 hours ago ... I’m a moron. "Ok ... yay ... want me to bring anything?" she asked, at least she was happy about the current situation. "Any alcohol over there? If so bring it ... if not just bring yourself ...." I said and we got off the phone after our goodbyes. I clicked the phone off and set it on the table ... I guess I’ll never learn. I didn’t have a clue when she was coming over, so I figured now was the best time to make my self a little presentable. so I grabbed out my "good jeans" and a nice **** ... I wandered into the bathroom and got the water going, I took a glance in the mirror and it wasn't good, my hair was messed and I looked like I hadn’t slept in months ... maybe years. I needed t shave... ah **** it, i emptied my head and got undressed into the shower. After what seemed like days but was only about 30 minutes, I hobbled out of the shower and began the process of bringing me back to life. It’s amazing what a little shave and combing your hair will do. I looked like a new man. I threw my clothes on real quick and gave a squirt of cologne and stepped outside the bathroom just as there was a knock at the door. It’s goooooo time. I wandering out into the living room and down the hall, damn I look good... i laugh off my previous thought as i reach out and open the door. And there standing in front of me is a Jamie that looks even more beautiful then I remember, **** I’m not supposed to think that ... she's supposed to be ugly. but yet, I can't help it ... she's got her hair up in a bun, she's wearing a American eagle t-shirt and tight hip hugger jeans ... I’m only a mortal man, I cannot fight the powers of the flesh ... "Come in ..." I say and turn around, I hear following behind me. "They didn't have any beer I’m sorry, but I did bring over a few movies we just rented." she explained as we both sat down on the couch. We both sat there for a moment just watching the price is right, what the hell time was it? I looked down at my watch to see it was 7... Oh, great. I leaned back father and got comfortable and so did she ... not good. "What movies did you bring?" I asked. "Umm... this horror movie abotu zombies, i thought of you when i saw it on the coffee table and the other is the new adam sandler movie." she responded and i felt a little better, at least i'd be distracted by the movies and not her. Luckily for me it was an eventful first half of the movie, she got pretty close but nothing was tried, I didn't try anything and neither Christian nor Kari came walking through the door. It could have been much worse. I reached over and grabbed the cup of soda I poured earlier. "So, you ever think about come back to Vermont ... just to visit or anything?" Jamie asked, breaking the silence and catching me slightly off guard. "Uhh... not really, I fly my family out every other month ... and my best friend already lives out here, I see no reason to go back...” I answered a little sternly. "Ohh... what about brad? Kristen and the other family you can't fly out...?" she asked ... that was a pretty good question, I had to admit ... but I could see where she was going with this. "Well, yeah I miss them ... but I call them all quite a bit and I got a wedding to go to in a few weeks, so I’ll be staying there for a few days." I answered. "But other then that I’m okay .... Why, you miss me?" I said kind of jokingly... She laughed a little bit but avoided answering the question... and we went back to watching the movie... The second movie dragged along kind of slowly and the day began to catch up with me. I stretched out a little farther on the couch and briefly closed my eyes. It hit me like a brick, what was I doing? I had a cute girlfriend ... from California ... who wasn't Jamie ... who wasn't ******* with my mind all the time and look who I sat on the couch with? I snapped my eyes open and sat up; Jamie gave me an odd look as I stood up and walked around the couch. "Where ya going?" she asked me sitting up a little to look over at me. "Oh nothing just got to make a call..." I answered and stepped around the partial wall and into the kitchen. I took a seat at the table and dialed Kari’s number. I tapped my foot as it began to ring, hoping she wasn't sleeping or busy. It rang a half dozen times before the answering machine came on ... huh, that was odd she almost always answers. Click the phone off and sat there for a second ... ****, I decided to call one more time just incase, since it was sort of important. It rand a couple times and then a man answered the phone ... what the ****??? "Hey is Kari there?" I asked confused ... this didn't sound like her dad or anything... There was a hesitation before the man on the other end answered. "Yeah, but she's busy ... she'll call you back...” and he hung up ... Whoooooooaa, hold a ******* second cowboy ... "she's busy" ... I know what that usually meant, I’ve answered the phone and said 'she's busy" ... that's nothing a boyfriend should hear ... EVER ... the room started to spin, the usual Justin kicked in and everything terrible and horrible swirled through my mind. This didn't sound like one of the gay guys she always was with or her brother or anything.... this ************ had a deeeep voice and sounded at least 25 ... I took a few deep breaths, or at least tried to but it didn't work... i slammed the phone down not realizing i had it still pressed up to my head until that point. I slouched in my chair and just kind of stared at nothing. I hadn't expected this at all.... I had no clue what to say do or feel.... I didn't.... Don’t know how long I had just sat there staring, but it was at least long enough for Jamie to wonder what was up because she stepped into the kitchen and called out my name. I kind of heard it in the back of my head, but didn't register through my thoughts... "Justin ... you ok?" she asked she sounded a little worried ... I wasn't sure what I looked like, but from the sound of her voice it must've looked like I was sitting dead. I slowly came back to reality and attempted to answer. "Nothing ... i mean, yeah ... everything’s ok." i said my words jumbled as I stumbled over them. I mean this wasn't a huge shock, wait yes this was. She was one of those girls that even if you cheated on her, wouldn't retaliate ... she was one of the good girls ... and I hadn't cheated, didn't make sense. I stood up, still thinking ... This wasn't like her but ****, I guess it was her... Jamie stepped over to me and put her arm around my waist and ushered me back into the living room, repeatedly asking me what was wrong... "nothing, just called Kari and a guy picked up ..." I said and Jamie didn't even give me the ;oh it was probably just a friend' routine ... she just told me she was sorry and it would be okay ... I shook my head, " **** the only other time I’ve gotten that was when you did it .... When you and Tyler started dating...." I added and leaned back on the couch... "Babe, its gunna be okay ... if she's doing this, she's not worth your time .... Don’t even worry about this" Jamie said trying to calm me down, THE ******* just I didn't even know, I guess IRONY? Of that current situation actually made crack a smile quickly, it faded quickly though... I took the next fifteen minutes to just stew and let everything twist and turn in my head before standing up and walking towards the front door "hey, I’ll be right back..." I told her and she nodded. I opened the door and stepped out into the hall, it was a little cooler then the apartment but, still wasn’t fresh enough air for my taste. So, I walked down the small hallway and stepped out onto the steps and sat down. Exact same position, over almost the exact same thing, at almost the exact same time.... just a few days later. That was crazy; I chuckled a little bit before taking a deep breath and slowly blowing it out. I laughed again as I realized, I had taken a lot of deep breaths over the past few days.... I needed to calm down. I cooled down both mentally and physically and within 10 minutes I was okay, or at least duck taped together enough to go back inside and entertain my guest. I stood up and stretched looking across the street and seeing the palm tree... and remembered that a bad day in California was better then a great day in Vermont. With that thought I turned around and walked back into the house....
As I stepped back inside I saw that Jamie had settled back down and was flipping through the stations. She peered up at me and waved me over, as If I wasn't going to go there ... I laughed as I stepped into the living room and sat down. She was on the exact station I had predicted when I first came inside, Lifetime ... the absolute worst channel on TV, even worse then the religious stations ... and that's saying a lot coming from me. Copyright 2008 Justin Carminati |
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