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A month later Aarav, his mum and sister came to take me back but I was not prepared to go. They all sat on the rooftop and discussed what my future had for me and they all promised my mum that I would soon be over the loss and will start to enjoy life as before. I didn’t want to go back to the place where Sandeep’s memories would follow me day and night. After much persuasion by my mum I left home with hatred inside me for everyone.

When I arrived in Delhi things had changed a lot and there was lots of tension amongst everyone at home. Sandeep’s sister, Deepa came to my room one night and cried her heart out.  She told me how Aarav was blaming his dad for Sandeep’s death and there was a lot of stress amongst them all. She told me that I could change all that for Sandeep’s sake. I felt sorry for her, actually for everyone at home as they all had lost something when Sandeep left. They had known him for ages and when I compared my loss to theirs, their loss was far greater than mine. 

That night I decided to become Sandeep and put things back to normal. I decided never to cry in front of anyone and act normal. Next morning I got up early and made breakfast for everyone and they were so happy to see me around the house once more. When dad came down for breakfast he didn’t even want to look at me, so I walked up to him and hugged him and told him I was fine and I didn’t blame anyone for what happened.

Everyone had eaten but Aarav was nowhere to be seen so I walked up with a cup of tea to his room. I placed the cup down and opened the curtains so that the sun could get into his eyes. He was angry at first but when he saw me, he was happy. In haste he drank the hot tea and burnt his tongue and tried to be normal but I could see he was holding his tears behind, which made me, laugh. 

Aarav and Sandeep were not only brothers but also very good friends. Aarav was two years younger than Sandeep and they had spent all their life together. Aarav was older than me but since I was married to his brother he showed me a lot of respect. I wanted to be there for Aarav just like Sandeep but it was hard as I was only Simran. But things did ease up between Aarav and his dad and I was so glad it happened. I started to help dad and Aarav with the running of the law firm on day-to-day basis and I often joined mum on her social visits. The visits were not that bad but I hated it when the media started to focus on my life. Everyday there was something about me in the paper, which Sandeep’s media advisor, which was now my media advisor, took care of it. The comments no longer bothered me as time went by. 

At night when no one was around I would walk up to the rooftop and cry my eyes out but in the morning I looked happy in front of others. Everyone in the house was getting very dependent on me. Aarav was always there for me just like I was there for everyone. He took great care of me and I noticed how much he had grown after Sandeep’s death. He was not the cheeky and silly Aarav I first met. He helped his dad just like Sandeep and whenever he was free he used to take me out shopping or just somewhere quiet so that we could talk. He knew I was going through hell but just for the sake of his family I was there. Whenever I was there with him I felt as if Sandeep was just next to me. He looked so much like him and now that he had matured he even talked like him. 

It was 14^th May, Sandeep’s 28^th birthday; everyone in the house was very quiet about it. Aarav organised a prayer in the morning for him and everyone attendant. Even Deepa was there from Pune to attend it. That afternoon I went to the bed and soon after Deepa knocked at the door. I quickly wiped my tears away and went to open the door with a fake smile. She came inside and sat on the bed and we talked for ages on different issues. Finally she cracked the topic, which left me stunned. 

“Think about it Simran. How long do you think you can live like this and you are far too young to be a widow for the rest of your life? This world is very cruel and they won’t let you live in peace.” 

“How can I marry Aarav? Does he even know that everyone in the family is talking about our marriage?” 

“He does and he was the one who mentioned to dad and mum last week and asked me to come over and talk to you as no one else could approach you.” 

I stormed out of the room and went into Aarav’s room but he was not there so I went downstairs and there he was talking to his dad.  I walked up to him and slapped him hard across his face, which left everyone stunned. 

“It has been only 9 months that San left me, I shouted to him. How could you even think about it? 

“Simi, I can explain.” 

I slapped him again and ran out of the room. I locked myself up in my room and cried out loudly and cursed Sandeep over and over again for leaving me like that.  It seemed that I had cried forever and I had no energy left in me to fight with anyone or even to cry. It was almost 2 in the morning and I went up to the rooftop, as that was the only place I felt Sandeep around. I made myself comfortable on the swing and soon fell asleep. Felt someone shaking me; I got up in haste nearly falling off the swing as I forgot where I was. It was Aarav and when I saw him I turned to go away. He grabbed my hand and asked me to sit with him. 

“I know what you thinking but trust me I never thought that I would ever say that to you. I just want the best for you and trust me this would be just perfect. You don’t walk along the streets like I do and don’t hear what people are saying. They just are waiting for an opportunity to get their dirty hands on you.” 

“I don’t want to know what they are talking about, but this can’t happen. I can never marry you. I have already lost Sandeep and I think the time I spent with him was my entire life. I have lived my life and I want you to stop thinking about me and move on with your life.”  

“You are just 19, Simi. The whole life is in front of you and we understand each other so well. Why can’t we be together?” 

“I went to Pune because I was selfish and because of me he finished his case a day earlier and I made him rush that morning as I was dying to be alone with him. It was my entire fault, all my fault," I said, as tears rolled down my eyes. 

“Why are you thinking about all that? I was supposed to give dad the papers that morning but I wanted him to go because I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to tease and bully you while he was gone.”

“I don’t want to talk about that particular morning Aarav so please just stop it. I don’t know what happened and how it happened but all I know is that Sandeep left that morning without saying a word. I used to tell me everything about me, even when I had to go to the bathroom I woke him up that particular morning to tell him as I didn’t want to him to wake up and find an empty bed.” 

“When he got your pictures I thought you were the best person for him. You were just full of life and he needed a person like you so that his life was better as he never thought about himself. He always did things for others. But I was really upset when he left you just a day after the wedding because he was worried about the case.” 

“Stop it please Aarav, I begged him.” 

“But he choose to leave you here. I gave him hell when he called me and asked me to take you shopping. He thought he was not the right person for you.” 

“I nearly slept with him earlier that night. I was falling in love for the first time in my life. Though he spent little time with me, I knew he had all qualities of a perfect husband. Why do you want to erase his memories? What ever he said to you, I don’t want to know about it? I am happy with the life I am leading so just live me alone in my miserable life.” 

“I love you, Simi.” 

“Just shut up and get out of here. How dare you talk to your brother’s widow like this, I yelled at him. I am just a burden on you all and you are just saying all this to get rid of me. I am going away now and I hope when I go away you and your family can live in peace, and I dashed down the stairs and locked my room.” 

I cried as I packed my clothes and there were lots of stuff going through my mind. After packing I called Ajay, the housekeeping manager, and told him to take the stuff and place them in my car. He was shocked but he didn’t question me and once everything was in the car I went out of the room. Meanwhile Ajay told Aarav that I was leaving the house but before Aarav could stop me I drove off. I didn’t know where I was going or what I would be doing but I just needed to get out of the house.  

As I pulled out of the driveway a sudden fear gripped me as I passed the spot where Sandeep was killed. I lost control of the vehicle and collided with an on coming vehicle. I was thrown out of the seat due to the impact and hit my head hard on the windscreen. I could feel the blood pouring out of the cut on my forehead but I pushed open the door and ran to see the condition of the other driver.  

“I am fine are you ok madam, he asked in a painful voice and collapsed.” 

I was scared to death and I shouted for help and saw Aarav and Ajay running towards me. Aarav caught me as I was collapsing while Ajay called for an ambulance. I held onto Aarav tightly and lost my conscious in his arms.

I may have been unconscious for few hours. When I opened my eyes Aarav was there with the rest of the family. By the look on their faces I knew everyone was really angry on me but they didn’t say anything. The doctor again checked on me and told them I was fine and they could go back home and come during the afternoon. Aarav stayed back while the rest of them went away. 

“That’s you house, he said. You can stay there as long as you want. I know you don’t want to live under the same roof as me so I will move out as soon as you are well and out of the hospital.” 

“How is the other driver?” 

“He is fine. You were not strong enough to kill him, he said with a slight smile. He was asking about you and when I went to see him earlier.” 

“So my tally still remains one, just Sandeep, I have killed so far.” 

“Why are you talking about him now? Why can’t you just let past be past and think about your future, he said angrily.” 

I turned around as I didn’t want to see him. Aarav stood in the room for a while and he left. I was discharged from the hospital a week later and during this week Aarav didn’t come down to see me once and I was thinking what might be going through his head. My hands were still in plaster as they were broken into two places and it was painful. Everyone at home seemed lost and worried. When I asked Ajay what was going around he advised that Aarav had left home a week earlier and was in Pune now.   

“Deepa and her husband found him very drunk one night roaming on the streets, madam. Big boss is really worried about him as he doesn’t want to loose another son now.” 

“Do you know why he left home?” 

“We don’t know the full story but it all happened very suddenly when you tried to leave the house that night. When he returned from the hospital he screamed and cried and blamed himself for your condition.” 

Since Deepa had gone back and with Aarav not around the house seemed very empty. I hardly saw mum or dad, as they were busy with their daily routine. I missed taking to Aarav and I was missing his silly remarks. I called him few times but when he answered I hanged up. I didn’t know what to say but I was missing him heaps. The doctor came twice a week to check on me and he advised that I needed a break. I decided to go and see my parents back in the village. I advised mum about my trip but she insisted that I should go to Pune with dad and her to see Deepa for her baby shower.  

“As soon as we get back, I will get Ajay to take you back to the village.” 

I didn’t want to go to Pune, as I didn’t want to face Aarav. The flight seemed never ending and the drive seemed even longer today. We went to the Shriven House and I walked into my room. Everything seemed so dull compared to the last time when I was there with Sandeep. I quickly left the room as I didn’t want anyone seeing me crying and I went to the garden. Aarav was there and when we saw each other we were starring at each other. He looked sad and miserable; I wanted to talk to him but I didn’t know what to say so I turned away and left him alone and  asked the driver to drop me at Deepa’s place. 

“Simi, why are you doing this? You have lost Sandeep but with this attitude you will loose Aarav too, said Deepa.” 

There was a huge function at Deepa’s residence that afternoon. Everyone seemed so concerned about my plastered hand and every second person I met told me to stay happy. I kept thinking what they meant by happiness. I was happy and I can remain happy for the rest of my life with San’s memories. As I walked amongst the crowd a figure captured me. I walked slowly up to him and tapped him on the shoulders calling him Sandeep. When the person turned around I noticed it was only Aarav and he resembled Sandeep so much. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and I walked back to Deepa and told her I was tired and I was going back home. She called Aarav and told him to take me back. 

He drove slowly and with care along the busy streets of Pune. There was dead silence between us and as the car pulled up at the front gate I got off and started running to my room. I picked up Sandeep’s picture from the table and started crying loudly. 

“I am sorry Sandeep, I said crying. I don’t want to live this life, I killed you and now I am killing Aarav. Whenever I see him I just want to be with him because I see you in him. Why is this happening to me?” 

“Because you love me.” 

“I don’t love you Aarav so please just get out of my room. Why can’t you all just leave me alone for once?” 

“Just once Simi, just once, look at me, I have changed and I have changed for you. I am no longer Aarav as I have made myself like Sandeep so that you do not complain, so that you do not miss him”, he said with agony in his voice and he turned around to go. 

I walked quickly and grabbed him by his shirt, “I don’t want Sandeep in my life, Aarav. He was always too busy that he forgot to live a life with me. I want to be with you, the cheeky and stupid Aarav.” 

“I love you Simi and have faith in me, I promise I won’t leave you alone even for a second and whenever you open your eyes I will be next to you, he said with tears rolling down his eye. 

“I love you too, I said crying. Just don’t ever leave me or else I won’t be able to survive.” 

He hugged me and we both cried non-stop for a while. I pushed him away to look at his face and we both managed to smile and we kissed each other and as we kissed he pulled me closer to himself. 

“You hurting my hand, I said in a painful voice.” 

“I am going to call Deepa”, and he quickly dialled the number leaving the phone on the speaker. “Hey Deepa, he said. I needed to talk about something and hope you have time.” 

“What’s wrong Aarav are you ok? Is Simi ok?” 

“I don’t know about Simi and I never want to hear her name again. I have found someone and I want to marry her.” 

“Marry some one else, and I could her Deepa crying on the other end. I thought you loved Simi and wanted to be with her.” 

“I thought she was a good person but I decided that she was not the right person for me.” He pulled me close to himself and wrapped his hands around me. 

“Hey Deepa, its Simran here. Aarav is jut pulling your legs. I am here with him and I promise he will never be able to look at another girl from now onwards or as soon as I marry him.”

 Deepa was crying with joy and she called mum and dad to tell them the good news. Within thirty minutes everyone was at home and talking loudly at once. I had never seen them so happy for a long time. They were talking about the engagement and the party, the wedding and the reception all at once. Aarav held my hands and asked me to follow him quietly. I walked quickly behind him and he took me to the rooftop and squeezed me in his arms. 

“You are hurting my plastered arm, I reminded him.” 

“When this damn thing is coming out, he said laughing.” 

“Maybe next week or maybe next year”, I teased him and he pulled me close to him and we started kissing each other passionately. 

Seven years later, I return exhausted from work and am trying to pull my clothes out. As I do so a cricket balls flies in the room smashing the window. 

“Aarav, I shouted and dashed down the stairs. Dad you have retired from work but that doesn’t mean that you could sit here and laugh, as this is definitely not funny. He could have blinded me so please wipe of that silly smile off you face, I shouted angrily at dad and mum can you also stop laughing. 

I storm outside into the garden and I find a very sorry looking Aarav in the garden.

“What do you think you were doing, the glasses could have hurt someone badly?” 

“Sorry mama, it was papa. He thinks you sleep a lot and he wanted to wake you”, said Sandeep, our son. 

“Come here sweetie as I picked him up. Do you know what date is today? Today is 14^th May and you turn 4 today. Sandeep my darling baby your papa is silly but you are mama’s boy and you shouldn’t listen to everything papa has to say, I told him lovingly giving a bad look at Aarav. Can you go inside and change while I talk to you dad?”

“Simi, I can explain.” 

“I don’t need an explanation from you Aarav just grow up for god’s sake.” 

“Hey listen, how about a date tonight on the rooftop just you and me. Sandeep was saying that he is lonely and I was thinking if we could do something so that he is no longer lonely, he said with lots of cheekiness in voice.” 

“What, do you want to bring the whole house down? You cannot look after a 4 year old and you talking about another baby. Just get out and I don’t ever want to see you again in the garden playing cricket.”  

He picked me up and carried me to the rooftop while I screamed, pinched and punched him. He laid me down on the swing and jumped over me.  

“I love you, he said smiling.” 

“I love you too, but please act like an adult and a responsible papa and let’s go and cut the cake before the birthday boy sees you naked on the roof.”  

We both smiled and kissed each other and hurried downstairs to be with Sandeep.        

Keyword: My fate - Part III

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