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It had been nearly two weeks since that eventful night in Shatsville. PieFace still hadnt fully recovered from the combination of food poisoning & a devastated vagina. All she could remember was that the crazy old pirate had shown her no mercy. PieFace had been in bed most of the time, since Wheaty was off visiting Cletis & wouldnt be back for a few more days. She wished she could have gone but with all those damn splinters, it was almost too painful to walk to the bathroom, she couldnt imagine walking around South LongPeter with the two of them all weekend.
While she was up, she decided shed hit the bathroom once more before crashing out again. PieFace braced herself for the pain as she stepped off the bed & limped down the hall. She was right at the bathroom door, with her hand on the door knob - when she heard a knock. It took her a second before she realized it was coming from the front door - right downstairs. She was confused - no one knew that she lived there - and neither Wheaty nor Cletis would be back this early. She heard the knock again - this time a little longer & louder than the first one.
Hold your horses, Ill be there in a minute! she hollered out to no one in particular, since it wasnt loud enough for whoever was knocking to hear it. Just as she reached the bottom step they knocked again, this pissed off PieFace. She was naturally a bitchy girl - and the raw vagina didnt help matters any - she had the urge to punch whoever stood behind the door right in the mouth. As she swung the door open, this thought did not change. It was those god damn little son-of-a-bitchin girl scouts. PieFace only hated 3 things in this world - potato salad, hairy chests & girl scouts. Ever since that day she watched a pack of those rabid girl scouts eat her little dog Pugs like a deviled egg - she had vowed revenge on them.
Nope, I dont want any. She spit out sharply, before the ugly little mongrels even had the chance to say anything & with that, PieFace slammed the door in their faces. She quickly turned around & headed towards the kitchen. She needed a Smirnoff before hitting the hay again. She hobbled over to the fridge & opened it up. There were all sorts of goodies in there. After a bit of browsing she grabbed the refreshing beverage & shut the door.
Whap, Whap, Whap.
Those mother fuckers had just done it; they had done gone pissed off this *****. This time she stomped back to the door & swung it open with all of her force. But there was no one there, she looked around - the place was completely abandoned. Maybe those little rat bastards had heard her coming - and decided it was best to move on to the next house. She closed the door, relieved that she could go get some sleep. She headed back up the stairs - taking them one by one - until she was at the top, only a dozen more steps & shed be snoozing. & then she heard it, like a knife piercing her ear drum - three quick knocks, followed by the most evil & irritating thing on the earth. Little girls giggling. She felt a blood vessel nearly pop in her head, as she swung herself around and did her best to run down the stairs. If those little fuckers werent there when she opened that door - it was war!! She made it to the door & nearly ripped it off its hinges - and the front porch was empty yet again. Oh, you little fuckers dont know what you got yourselves into. Was all she said as she slammed the door & headed for the basement.
This is where being a veteran of the Ninja war came in useful - with the cache of weapons she kept stored in the basement. She had everything in there, from throwing stars to bazookas. Those little bitches didnt stand a chance; she was about to make BBQ ribs out of those little ugly-ass-green sash-wearing-snot-flingers. She made it to the huge metal case within minutes, after quickly pressing the 4-digit security code - she was in & there her babies stood. She ran her small little fingers over the cold hard steel of the guns. This instantly made her left nip rock hard; she felt like doing a little dance, maybe making some love tonight - but that would have to wait. She grabbed out two of the more powerful handguns, an Uzi & an assault shotgun - and then closed the door. She quickly loaded all of the weapons & then strapped up, a pistol on each hip - the Uzi tucked in front & the heavy weight of the shotgun in her bare hands. It was go time
She made it to the top of the steps & peered out, **** - the front door was cracked open. She remembered shutting it - they had gotten in, she got into the kitchen & then silently stepped to the corner & looked into the living room - nothing. There were 2 more rooms downstairs & if they werent there - they had made it to the second floor & could be plotting something horrible. She stood up and stealthed her way into the living room - out of the corner of her eye she saw one, BOOM - BOOM - two shotgun blasts tore the cute little living room apart - & then she saw it, the curtains were sprayed with a thick layer of blood & brains. She walked over & looked down, luckily she didnt have a weak stomach - the little ***** had her head blown clean off - the tops of her shoulders looked like hamburger meat.
One down, three to go.
The next one wasnt even half as easy as the first, she had searched the first floor top to bottom, she was either playing one excellent game of hide-n-seek or she had made it upstairs. PieFace stepped around the door & took a step into the stairwell; nothing stood on the steps. There was Piefaces bedroom, a bathroom & Wheatys bedroom upstairs. Three girl scouts, three rooms - she only hoped it was that simple. As she made it to the top of the steps she heard soft whispering - taking a second to listen, it was coming from the bathroom. She snuck over to the bathroom, she could hear at least two of them in there - the shotgun would lay waste to their cookie selling asses real quick. 3 2 1, -- BOOM -- she kicked in the door & fired the first blast almost disintegrating one of the girl scouts at point blank range - the other fell backwards, startled by the loud shotgun blast, tripping over a pile of clothes & fell head first in the tub - a dull thud was all PieFace heard. As she walked over PieFace saw blood running down the length of the tub & down the drain - the girl had killed herself. A lucky break, PieFace threw down the shotgun & pulled out the Uzi - this last girl scout was going to get ****** up.
PieFace quietly shut the bathroom door as she stepped out. There was no sound coming from the top floor, the door at the bottom of the steps was still shut - the last girl was still somewhere up here. PieFace slowly walked closer to Wheatys room. With three quick breaths she kicked it open, the door splintering everywhere - nothing. She did a quick check of the closet & under the bed that sneaky little ***** wasnt in here. One last place to look & when she caught this little ***** in her room, she was going to make her pay for all the blood that was soon to stain Piefaces bed sheets. Her door was already cracked open from before - so PieFace pushed it open with the barrel of her gun. It slowly creaked open revealing PieFaces crazy-ass room, but no girl scout. She stepped in looking left to right, right to left - where the hell was she. She hopped down looking under the bed empty. In the closet, that was the last place she could be. PieFace walked over and placed her hand on the door knob & then she was hit from the back, knocking her flat to the ground. A sharp pain filled her head; she rolled over to see one of the girl scouts holding a small wooden bat. Before PieFace could raise her weapon the little one slammed the bat down once, twice, three times - PieFace could feel her ribs shattering under the heavy hits of the bat. With a last gasp PieFace mustered enough strength to kick the girl off her & pull herself back up to a sitting position. The girl scout was like a rabid dog though, she was instantly back to her feet with bat in hand. PieFace reached for the gun, grabbing it just in time - she held the trigger down spraying a full clip at the girt scout -the hail of bullets cutting her in half - blood going everywhere. The two halves of her landing simultaneously with PieFaces battered body.
PieFace lay there unconscious for a few hours, finally coming to - coughing up a little blood - she looked around - the girl scout had finally bled out. PieFace was pissed; she was going to have to completely redo her room - that little girl had spewed out a whole lot of blood. PieFace pushed herself to her feet, grimacing from the pain. She had to clean this place up before Wheaty got back - this one would be a little too hard to explain.
It had taken her awhile but she was close, close to having the whole place spotless. Just had to clean the curtains & it was like the crazy massacre had never happened, grabbing the pile of blood stained garments - she headed for the washer, that stood in the basement. Walking down she placed the **** on the dryer & unloaded the washer. She was about to turn on the dryer when she heard something from behind her. Spinning around nearly killed her, sending sharp pains up & down her side. She looked around for the noise. Then she heard it again, it was whimpering - what the hell? Had there been a fifth? As she walked over she realized thats exactly what it was, one of the girls was huddled in the corner crying - blood on her, probably from the girl upstairs. She was acting like PieFace was a monster, well - that assumption was fair enough. She slowly approached her - and then she got a great idea.
Within minutes the little girl scout was tied up to a large steel pipe in the basement, the prize for surviving PieFaces rage - was an eternity in her deep dark basement - she would be Piefaces own personal pet. PieFace smiled at this thought as she closed the door, locking it seconds after. She walked over & grabbed the phone, she figured now would be a good time to put some ointment on her blistered vagina & call Wheaty, to see how her weekend had gone. With one last look around to make sure she had cleaned up all the blood & brains, she stepped into the stairway & headed off to her room.
The End.
Copyright 2008 Justin Carminati
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