My rant of "you"

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Disavowing my feelings for her was easy. Living without those feelings is difficult. I can't feel with out those feelings. My indifference, my appathy is soothing, but at the sametime it's agonizing. I've reduced myself to no more than a shell.

I don't care anymore. I care nothing about my school work, my friends, my family, myself.

Waking up in the morning is both easy and hard. A part of me wakes up knowing I'm no longer a slave to my feelings for her. The other part, however, is a slave to my apathy.My heart is torn in half. One half rejoicing in it's new found freedom. The other half is dead and decaying. 

Why do I have to subject myself to this agony? Why do I have to be incomplete, split in two? Why can't I have my feelings for her?

The answer is simple or atleast I think it is.

She's hung up on someone else.

The "you" that she rants about in her myspace bulletins. The "you" she so yearns to be with. The "you" she wants to be held by. The "you" that she wants to forgive. The "you" that betrayed her.

There was once a part of me that so desperatly wanted to liberate her from "you". There was once a time where I could no longer see her agonize over "you".

She is stupid to be so hung up on "you".

I hate "you". I hate how "you" is hurting her. 

It's because of "you" that I'm incomplete. It's because of "you" that I have to deny my feelings to her.

I'm the one that loves her and he's the one that's manipulating her. I'm the one that cares about her and he's the one that gets off on her pain.

I see "you" as an enemy. 

I see "you" as my greatest friend.

"you" does not know how much pain he has caused me, but "you" does not know how nuch he pain has spared me.

"you" insures my future stays uncompromised, for she would compromise my future.

I love her, but "you" can have her.

I hate "you".

I thank "you" for taking the bullet. I will always be indebted to "you", but understand when to "you" is paid. "you" would be no more.

Forgive me for my feelings are inconsistent. It's late and I'm tired.

Goodnight      

Comments (5)

Posted by hazeleyes 04-13-2008 04:17,   ... sweet rant.   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...   Posted by SPT 04-13-2008 17:42,   ummm..... I don't know if I am way off base here or not but I'm just sayin, please don't kill anyone or yourself.   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...   Posted by resistanceisfreedom 04-15-2008 16:58,   ... again all the confusion and turmoil expressed in here. just so clearly conveyed. loved it!   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...   Posted by Forsaken 04-16-2008 22:10,   ... Very nice, and very intence, From the first paragraph I felt absorbed by the description :)   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...   Posted by SageSyren 04-23-2008 07:40,   ... I loved the confusion in this. Watch your spelling though.   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...

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