Product Of My Environment?

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Written by David Neve
Friday, 11 April 2008

Billy and his dad were on the highway, headed for his mother's house. It was Sunday afternoon and he needed to be at his mom's house by six. His dad was tapping his fingers to the music as Billy played with the wind generated by the car's movement by sticking his arm out the window.

First he would do the wave, which was, he thought, the hardest movement to control. Getting the up and then down movement equal in spacing and timing while pointing his hand straight ahead was a real challenge. Then he would modify it with the easier but slightly more dangerous side-to-side swoop. When he got bored with those it was time to do the fin hand maneuver, which involved opening the hand like it's holding a softball and trying to hold it straight up against the wind. The easiest maneuver by far, but the most dangerous if he lost control.

"Dad?"

"Son?"

"Why do I live with mom?"

"You have to live somewhere, don't you?"

"Why can't I live with you?"

"I would like that, but your mom feels safer with you near to her."

"What do you mean safer?"

"Not safer as in ‘not in danger', I mean she feels more relaxed when she doesn't have to wonder how you are doing, and if you're okay. Do you know what I mean?"

"I think I do. But don't you worry about me when I'm with mom?"

"I miss you, and I say a prayer for you every day, but I don't worry about you. Your mother loves you as much as I do, and I know she will always take very, very good care of you."

"Andy lives with his dad, but his dad had to go to court and explain why he should live with him instead of his mother. Could you have done that?"

"That certainly was an option, but no son, I couldn't do something like that. In order to go to court and get the judge to let you come home with me during the week I would have to say bad things about your mother - and I would never do that. You love her, and even though we are not married, I still care for her."

"You don't hate her like Andy's dad hates his mom?"

"Hate is a terrible thing, I can't hate anyone."

"But what about bad guys? Like those bank robbers the other day? Or how about those guys that get guns and shoot lots of people? Don't you hate them?"

"No, I don't hate them. Hurting people is a sad thing, a terrible thing. I think for a person to get in such a state that they need to hurt somebody to get something they need - well, their lives must have been horrible for them. Something very important was missing when they were growing up. I don't think that they were born mean, I think that they are just products of their environment. I feel sorry for them, I forgive them and pray for them."

"What about the people that they shoot?"

"Do you remember the talks we have about how I feel about God?"

"Yes, you said that we are here on earth waiting for our time to join God."

"When I told you about what it is like to feel God with me, and how great a thing it will be to finally join him, what did you think?"

"I thought, I think it is a good thing."

"Then I think that although I am terribly sad for the people that love them, I am not sad for the people that are moving closer to God. I know that the families of the people that got hurt will miss their loved one terribly, and I will pray for them. I think, also, that I am very sad for the parents, and brothers, and sisters of the guys that hurt people - I'm sure that they love them as much as the families of the people that he hurt love their families."

"I think you're right. Hating isn't good. I was angry at Simon the other day cause he said something about my new haircut. I was angry all the way to lunch. Then, when I was sitting with Andy, I noticed that Simon was telling jokes and having a good time with his friends. I think I realized that I was just making myself tired. Being angry sure wasn't affecting Simon."

"So what did you do?"

"I forgot about it."

"You forgave him?"

"Yeah, I just didn't tell him that."

"Do you wonder why he made fun of your haircut?"

"I didn't until just now. That's really a weird thing to make fun of a person for isn't it?"

"Yeah, I think you're right there. Do you think it's anything to get mad about?"

"No, I guess if anything, I should have been mad at the barber when he cut my hair too short. Mom sure was!"

"It'll grow back."

"I know, I'll just wait and see. But I don't think I'll go back to that barber again."

Billy's dad went back to tapping his fingers to the music as Billy played with the wind generated by the car's movement by sticking his arm out the window.

First he would do the wave, which was he thought, the hardest movement to control. Getting the up and then down movement equal in spacing and timing while pointing his hand straight ahead was a real challenge. Then he would modify it with the easier but slightly more dangerous side-to-side swoop. When he got bored with those it was time to do the fin hand maneuver, which involved opening the hand like it's holding a softball and trying to hold it straight up against the wind. The easiest maneuver by far, but the most dangerous if he lost control.