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Short Stories Non-Fiction Black Thursday
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Black Thursday |
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| Written by Billy Vango | |
| Thursday, 03 April 2008 | |
I wish I didn't feel like this, but I do.
Somebody once told me that "you are the happiest you will ever be when you are in love." I have to say thats bull.
I'm in love and I'm not happy about it.
I've known her most of my life. We grew up together. I'm best friends with her brother. I've always had a thing for her. Until recently, though, I have developed feelings. Feelings I don't like, but, I guess I have very little say in whether or not I want these feelings.
Right now (if I were shallow) would be a golden opportunity to swoop in and take her. To sweep her off her feet. To be her prince charming. To be her Knight in shining armor.
You see, right now she is vulnerable, very vulnerable. Her father is very ill and on top of that her relation ship with her boyfriend is in shambles.
In her myspace bulletins she says "I miss you, I wish things between us could be fixed." Just to make sure you understand I'm not "you".
I wish I were "you", but maybe I don't.
If your wondering why I haven't told her how I feel. The truth is I have, A few years ago I did tell her how I felt.
However then I was the one who was vulnerable. A few weeks before I told her how I felt, I had tried to commit suicide. I took several bottles of Ibprofen. Its a horrible feeling when you get to a point where death seems like the only answer. You should always remember that god (if there is a god) gave you life and only he can take it away from you.
Charcoal is a great thing, hell it's a life saver.
Anyway, I told her how I felt and I did mention what had happened a few weeks before. She cried, we hugged and I think she felt the same way and that she wanted to be with me. At the time I just wasn't ready.
There is a part of me that loves her and there is another part that wants to destroy her. It's these feelings I have for her that makes me weak, that makes me afraid, that makes me uncertain. I hate her because of this but I love her because of this.
The good news is she deserves better than me. Thats the right thing. Thats the good thing. Thats the appropriate thing.
None of this may not make any sense to you and thats the way it should be.
But understand this makes way to much sense to me.
Au Revoir
Comments (5) |
 04-03-2008 15:36, I thought this was better, than before .I feel for you, really do.But cannot remember being like this when I was younger.Probally would of gone around with a bottle of wine and you know... But well done. » Reply to this comment... 04-03-2008 15:43, "The good news is she deserves better than me"... Interesting sentance, great potential in a story. I don't believe it, but it can open up great debate in a story, or as you have here draw upon a conclusion. Nice write. » Reply to this comment...  04-03-2008 17:46, Isnt love grand and doesn't love suck. Trust me,,you'll get over her. Thanks for sharing this story ...or journal » Reply to this comment...  04-04-2008 19:06, yes an interesting read once again. i can relate to some of what your going through. i understand how you love her but also want to destroy her. made alot of sense to me. im glad you didnt go through with the suicide i have to say. » Reply to this comment...  04-05-2008 10:56, to love someone deeply can be at once : exhillerating ,frightening and terrible. » Reply to this comment... |
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