The Peacock Case

When the train doors opened, a blast of sticky air...

A Ticket to Tewkesbury

A Ticket to Tewkesbury by Neal James ISBN...

Dissection Point


User Rating: / 3
PoorBest 
Written by rosie ramirez   
Saturday, 29 March 2008

Dissection Point

By: Roseann Ramirez & Mico Subosa 

(I wrote this one with a friend, right after biology class :-)             

         The innocent creature was in much trepidation that baleful and inauspicious night. Rain was wildly pouring and the resonance of thunderbolts plunged through the deafening silence in the room. The drops of water pounded the roof with atrocious ferocity. There were soft murmurs but they could hardly be heard in the ruckus caused by the storm. Cadavers were all around the room—cadavers adrift in a weird, viscous fluid. They were souls trapped in pristine glass… lifeless ad infinitum. This unfortunate ambiance failed to ease the terror in the creature’s feeble heart.               

        But soon enough, the creature’s terror shifted into utter horror, then finally into self-pity. His eyes widened as he saw the silhouette of a man who was holding a very sharp razor. Whatever hope he had left evaporated into the dark abyss of fear, as he realized he was about to face his quietus.               

         What could he possibly do? He was bound tightly to a table, sharp pins piercing his skin. He was old, yet not ready to face death… especially a brutal one at the hands of a bloodstained killer. But what could he do? The man before him belonged to a race of merciless oppressors… the only race who believed themselves superior to all others.             

         The murderer was coming … nearer… and nearer… and nearer… and nearer… until he could finally see the man clearly. Astonishment struck the poor creature—his murderer was a child. The child was wearing white as if to mock him… as if he was trying to be the angel of death. But still, child or not, a murderer is still a murderer.             

         The child plunged the razor deep into the chest of the poor creature and slashed through his stomach, making the creature squeal hopelessly. He cried desperately as his skin was torn from his body and yet the child offered no mercy; he pierced hard, penetrating the creature’s viscera.      

          It brought so much agony to the creature. The physical pain was too much to handle; surely he would choose an instant death over this sadistic rendezvous. Have the heavens forsaken him?                

       He was still alive… yet barely; clinging to his very existence by a delicate thread that barely separated life from death. His last breath would not be a peaceful one, that’s for sure.               

       The child cut away the veins of his heart, and mercilessly pierced the blade into his lungs. It seemed as if his right to live was snatched away from him just as the coming of night snatches away the beauty of the day.              

        The creature’s innards were spread all over the table, and the creature was bathed in his own blood. The creature’s body was mutilated; the once mighty chest and abdomen torn in two.                It was truly a gruesome sight to behold; and yet the murderer seemed ecstatic of his deed.               

         He uttered, “Yes! I did it!”               

         His masterpiece of murder left a smile on his lips.               

         Indeed, the child has finally done it. After a great many agonizing minutes of torment, all was done…           

         The frog was finally dead.               

         The dissection was over.               

         And when all was finally quiet, the spirit of the frog lingered in the purified and ionized laboratory air.          

         And he vowed, in the language known to all creatures but man, that their race will have their time, too… soon.



Copyright 2008 mary roseann ramirez
No Comments posted
Comments (7)
Posted by R.E.Potter
2008-03-30 07:04:18
,,,

I loved this story. The ending caught me completely off gaurd... I only wish I had beaten you the press with this. You and your friend...take a bow. I am totally impressed.
+ Report this comment
Posted by R.E.Potter
2008-03-30 07:07:54
,,,

The only thing I would think about changing is the title,,,to throw off the reader a tad more. Even though its a great title for a story..it gives the end away just a bit.
+ Report this comment
Posted by thirteen
2008-03-30 09:37:57
....

This was good...Gotta agree with Russell, change the title.Well done.
+ Report this comment
Posted by bungle
2008-03-31 11:34:34
....

liked it , nice twist, very good
+ Report this comment
Posted by freethinker0028
2008-04-18 13:04:09
...

hey... thank you so so much for the comment... will change title... hehehe. again, thank you.

:-)
+ Report this comment

Posted by freethinker0028
2008-04-18 13:05:19
....

thank you for the comment to our story... :-)
+ Report this comment
Posted by mrt.subosa
2008-07-27 04:13:13
Mico here!

Gosh, Roseann. I never knew that this story would gain raves. I am so glad that it did. To think this was just something random we wrote after being traumatized by our first dissection of a frog. Ah, memories.

Wow. That is all I can really say. Wow.
+ Report this comment

Last Updated ( Saturday, 29 March 2008 )
 
< Prev   Next >

Remove Ads