What I thought about on Tuesday This story may contain adult content.

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My face is broken out, my stomach has holes, I have this reall big kanker sore and I've never felt anymore alive.

You know what I hate? Self righteous atheists. Who the fuck are they to tell me what to believe.

You know what else I hate? EMO people. You Know why? The ruined sucide. Now I Can't commit sucide without people thinking I'm emo. You know what els they ruined? Whereing black, Dark poetry and music.

I have an addictive personality. I horde everything, Gum, altoids, lifesavers, jelly beans, sex....

When I was thirteen all those fantasies us guys get when we're ten came true. You guys know what I'm talking about, touching a boob, kissing a girl, finding out whether or not does a girl have a penis. when I was thirteen I lost my virginity and it was a big fucking deal. I held it over fucking everybody. Any fucker that try to fuck with me I told them I had sex, but they would still kick my ass.

I had learned later on that sex wasn't about attraction but willingness. I'm not a great looking guy and that doesn't matter because when it comes to sex we're just looking for a willing partner. for the longest time I didn't care All I wanted to do was blow my load.

I never realized till now how much that fucked me up emotionaly. I mean I don't feel cheep or any of that bull shit. I just feel wasted.

You Know how sometimes we have that person we fantasize about being with. You know that person we like, that we want to be with sexual and/or romanticaly.

I have a person. This girl I've known most of my life. She is beatiful, perfect in every way. And I just want to be with her. Not sexualy but with her.

I can not even think about her when I'm having sex or when I'm jerking off(which is seldom).

I just don't think of her that way.

I know you all don't want to read about this. But this is my only release. I'm the type of person who can't ralk therapists or anybody. And I've tried keeping a journal but that doesn't work.

Give me some feed back, postive or negative just something.     

Comments (7)

Posted by Vango 03-25-2008 16:39,   ... I know this is crap, its just how I feel.   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...   Posted by R.E.Potter 03-25-2008 16:48,   ,,, This was kinda funny in a sense. Some of the things you brought up have validity. But your right, not many people will give this rave reviews. But once I got past the lewd and enditious words that were used to describe your views, I think I liked this. By the way, I wouldn't say this is crap...maybe a wet fart.   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...   Posted by Dirkin 03-25-2008 20:43,   ... Dude if this makes you feel better then do it. If your hoping for some sort of perspective or enlightenment about your issues... I doubt you'll find it here, thats definitely for a therapist. I read your 'for the cause' story by the way, I'd like to say you should keep writing stories... a good way focus your thoughts is writing a story   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...   Posted by thirteen 03-25-2008 23:16,   ... It was allright, dont really care about other peoples problem, just my own .Bad i know but... Gotta admit your first story was very good, huge potential.Anyway Billy, keep writing, whatever people say.   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...   Posted by lost 03-26-2008 08:22,   ... ^^ if it makes you feel better, then keep doing it! and your right about those emos.   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...   Posted by Roadkill315 03-29-2008 15:10,   ... Seems like this wouldn't be the site for personal release; there are many other sites where such sharing will be better received and you'll definitly get much more from those neighborhoods. But since you wrote this, my opinion, journals do little to help. Writing is a good release, but writing to myself has never worked much for me. And the nature of a journal is private, usually. Release in a story, use that story to move yourself and others, thats what works for me.   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...   Posted by resistanceisfreedom 03-31-2008 14:48,   ... hmmm yea i always try to release my thoughts in my poems/stories. it really helps me sometimes. but then sometimes it doesn't. i understand what you're talking about. having strong feelings for a girl and you cannot think about her in any rude or abstract way. but again i enjoy these pieces you create. i think if it makes you feel better by all means keep creating them. and i'll always read them haha. so u can always expect a comment from me.   » Report this comment to administrator » Reply to this comment...

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